What is it for?

Hot Boys- We on Fire


The next two days of my life belong to SRT(Student Recruitment Team). We are getting ready for our annual High School Day. All it is for me is a lot of stress because I am a Team Leader and a senior.I know I'm not the only one under stress, but its still there. I just feel like I'm wasting time supervising things when I could be finishing an assignment. But let's be real, I probably wouldn't be working on it anyway. So there you have it.

There are a lotta parties going on this weekend, but as you know from my party experiences, I'm not too eager to go to any of them. I wanna go to The Blue tonight, hopefully it will help me relax a little bit. But for today after my last class I get forty five minutes to eat then I have to go to High School Day practice and meetings till whenever, then hopefully The Blue. *sigh* And there you have it!

We ALL black folks! Let's unite!

Dave Chappelle~Black Bush


This is something that bothers me....On thefacebook.com people can create their own groups about anything they want. Each school has its own groups.....Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for being proud of how you look, self esteem and all that, but at Hampton they have all these groups called 'Light-skinned is where its at', 'The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice' and there are more that you can join based on your skin tone. I refuse to join any of these groups because I feel that they are segratory (Yes I just made up my own word to describe these groups). Being at a Black college, I feel we should be more about unifying ourselves rather than separating ourselves according to color. We have enough problems with other races segregating us from society as a whole and it needs to stop before we begin to contribute to the economy as tax-paying citizens. I think we are only playing into the roles that have been created for us by people trying to keep us down. Not to sound all militant or anything, but you have to admit that the stigmas are there. That's my piece.

Here I am!

Missy Elliot~Pass the Dutch


I know y’all saying that musta been a good weekend, she ain't write about nothing till Tuesday! Well it was alright. I did see Guess Who on Friday with the roomies. We had a real family outing. The movie was extremely cute.

On Saturday, I went to the Q probate. Those poor kids looked like they were in so much pain. I was glad for them to finally come out. I have to give it to the Q's, they sure do support one another. There were like a thousand of em. Old and young, drunk and high. Tell me how EVERYBODY gone have a cup, sharin and pouring a "mysterious substance". It was out of control. The panties and drawers party ended like just about every other party. It has to be a sign that I should just quit goin to parties all together. Nothing good ever happens.

Sunday was of course, Easter. I did go to church, it was lovely. The pastor spoke about expectations. Tramaine Hawkins was the guest musician. For those of y’all who don’t know she first recorded ‘Goin up yonder’. She was awesome. After church, I felt so good that I decided I would cook Easter dinner. I had to call my mom up for some recipes. Everything was from scratch, that’s right FROM SCRATCH. Me and Theory got in the kitchen and was cookin up a storm. We made turkey and dressing, macaroni and cheese, potato salad, green beans (the only thing from a can), and a red velvet cake (ok, that was from a box) and it was GOOD! I was very proud of myself. I gotta take note that next time I can put more celery in the dressing and more relish in the potato salad, but it still was good. I’m coming along folks, but I still couldn’t cook like that every night. Maybe breakfast……

Larry and I experimented with celery since we had so much left over and we don’t really eat it. It was so gross; I don’t see how people eat raw celery. Ewwww.

And now I’m tryin not to have a stroke from all the stress Ima be under for the next three weeks. Its all papers and exams from here on. Pray for me. I’m surprised I had time to write this post, but you know I had to do it.

Last night I was talking to my homegirl Holly on IM. I was telling her that I was watching the Troop video from my page ‘Mamacita’.

Me: Look at those Jheri curls! What were we (we meaning black people) thinking? I’m glad I never had one.
HollyJuice: Yeah me too. The closest I ever came was a straw set.
Me: At least it wasn’t juicy.
HollyJuice: Remember when I did that straw set on your hair freshman year? That was so ghetto, we used a blow dryer.
Me: Not ghetto, resourceful. We had to use what we had. We did steal all those straws from the café tho….. That was ghetto.


Aww good times…..*sigh* Well stay outta trouble! Hopefully I’ll get back soon to drop some knowledge on ya.

I think I'm Goin Outta My Head

Kelis ft Outkast~Millionaire



I like this song....I just found it the other day. Really describes my mood too.

Yesterday was A DAY! I tell YOU! I thought I was gone slap somebody, but I prayed and I didn't. The only thing that helped me smile through the day was the compliments I was getting. I had my hair crinkled and it looked all wild (guys seem to like my hair like that, don't ask me why) and the outfit was working with my make-up. Some guy even said I looked like a model! That really made my day. Is that shallow? If it is, I don't care, Ima just be shallow cus that helped me get through that day. It was rough.

This is my best friend Milyaka! Isn't she cute? Yes birds of a feather DO flock together.Lol.



So this is who I'm talkin about all the time....Fellas, wipe the drool from your chins....

Anyway back to ME....So I got a memory stick today!YAYYY! I'm so excited, I put all my pics on there already. I get excited about the lil things. It really doesn't take much.....

I was invited to this panties and drawers party tommorow....Normally I wouldn't go because the way we kids dance today, thats already too much contact with strangers for me, but its my homie's party sooo...I'll try and be respectable and not do anything I have to repent for on Sunday except maybe goin to this party of course.

Nothing goin on tonight.....that's a usual Friday for me. You would think people would rather start off the weekend right but noooo they wanna wait til Saturday.

Well I better get started on this marketing plan that is due on Monday, holla at me!

Enough Already

Troop~ Mamacita


Does anyone remember Troop? You don't know how excited I was when I found this video!

For the next couple weeks I really need to be in the library researching and writing, let's hope I can pull it off. Right now it ain't lookin too good with tours, facebook and other distractions like.....food.

If you haven't noticed, I continue to add things to the 'Random facts....' post. I just keep thinking of stuff.

I saw Beauty Shop at a free advanced screening, it was really funny I must say. Maybe the added Black folks commentary within the theater gave it an extra boost, you know how we do.......

I have recently quit drinking all beverages except water. Yes that includes alcohol, I've actually only had maybe two good times drinking alcohol so that's not really a sacrifice.

I really love Teedra Moses' album: Complex Simplicity. That's what I wanna rename myself. Knowing me it will turn up as a new screenname added to the five I have already. Yes I use ALL of them. I rotate.

America's Next Top Model tonight! One of the very few shows I watch. Tiffany is fast becoming one of my fav's in pictures. I was afraid she would be like Kelli of the season before last who couldn't take a good pic to save her life.

Pissed

This is my song!!

Garbage~Only Happy When It Rains




Let's discuss this word for sec. Do you think it's a curse word? I used to think it was a bad word when I was younger, but now I use it all the time. Well I've said a lot worse but when I don't say any other foul words, I still use this one. Why? Because I know people that don't curse regularly who use this word. Well anyway these are some things that piss me off. Notice my restraint as I keep from using curse words in this entry.

1. Spelling errors or slang in professional papers. They just bother me sometimes.

2. When people talk about my size, leave me alone!

3. When guys call me sweetie or sweetheart, I HATE THAT! It makes me feel like they are patronizing me.

4. People that bring up stuff you did 10 years ago when it was supposed to be over with then. Sometimes the past needs the stay in the past....Which leads me to:

5. When guys come up you 7 years later and say, "You know I really liked you back then, I was just too shy to talk to you.....Can I have your number now?".....Now this is the wench coming out of me, but what makes you think I liked you back then? And what makes you think I like you now? What makes you think I'm the same person I was then? That just makes me feel like you was a punk then and you probably a punk now just a few years older.

As you can see I have experience with this one. This has happened to me more than twice. I always get passed up the first time and it never quite works out the same after that.

6. When your friends let you go out lookin a mess. What are friends for anyway? They know your hair is ugly but yet they let you go out like that. *shakin my head*

7. Gold Teeth Just Piss Me Off

8. Repitition. When it comes to tasks I can only do the same thing for a lil while, then I get bored. But I hate when people keep sayin the same thing over and over again and I hate repeating myself.

9. I hate when people insult someone to praise others. For example someone says "She flat irons hair better than anyone I know. I mean I used to think you were the best, but you don't hold a candle to her!" Why did you have to bring me into it? You already said she's better than anyone you know. I would assume that includes me. Thanks for making me feel inferior.

10. Visible hair gel, bright lipstick on black women, blue eyeshadow on black women, rubber rain boots.........

11. Just cus I don't react the way you want me too doesn't mean I'm not being sincere. My sister would do that to me all the time. She would ask what I thought about her outfit. I'd say, "It's cute." Then she would blow up at me, "What do you mean? Why did I ask you anyway? Blah blah blah." Just because I didn't do cartwheels when I saw it doesn't mean I didn't mean what I said. Geez.

12. Don't ask for my opinion if you don't really wanna hear my answer.

If I think of some more I'll let you know......Nah nevermind, I'm gettin mad just thinking about all this stuff.

Random facts about moi

Aaliyah~More than a Woman





I don't take compliments very well. I don't really like talking on the phone if there is another mode of communication. I love crafts: painting, sewing, crocheting, needle point, knitting, I do it all. I'm always cold. I really do dance like a maniac around the house when I'm alone. I love to fold clothes. My mom got my name from a bottle of Avon perfume. I have an extra finger. My ears are really tiny. My favorite color will always be blue. I don't mind silence between two people. I love hugs very very much, but I don't like it when strangers touch me. It makes me sad to hear babies cry. For some reason little boys(8 & younger) gravitate to me. I think a 7 year old hit on me while he was riding his tricycle. His name was DeVonte. He told me he liked my shoes. I do have Indian in my family just like everyone else in America. I could eat cheese on just about everything. I have a hard time giving men compliments. I'm afraid of heights. I love lists, love em love em love em. I like to cuddle while sleeping. I'm still a tomboy at heart. I love reading away messages. I used to think I would marry Ray J, then he messed with Lil' Kim and Britney Spears so I had to let him go. Once I start laughing its hard for me to stop, same with crying. I hate crying in public.

Get over it!!

Man today was a good day. I went to church and even though I had to sit in the overflow it was great. The overflow is where they make all the late people sit when they can't fit anymore into the sanctuary and you watch the service on televisions. Usually this makes me wanna just go home because basically you could sit at home on your own couch and have access to a kitchen....But today was different. I felt God in the overflow. I could tell the others probably felt the same way as me but I was feeling the praise and worship today. It was hard at first when you're the only one clapping but I just had to do it.

The entire service was a blessing. I realized the importance of worshipping with others. I know there were times when I just didn't feel like being large groups of people and I would say "Oh, I'll just sit in my room and read my Bible on my own." Of course I probably wouldn't do it. But my friends made me get dressed and go to church because they said the devil attacks you the most when you isolate yourself so you need to be around people of God. And I ended up thanking them in the end.

Today's message was about forgiveness and what the pastor said was:

Forgiveness is the greatest challenge of our lives. In the Bible it is actually a financial term meaning 'cancelling out debts'. He said in order to forgive you must do two things-
1. Get over it!! (that's exactly what he said!)
- It happened, its over. Unforgiveness can act as a poison spreading through out your entire life. Keeping records of wrongs will wreck your life. As in 2 Corinthians 13:5, it says love keeps no record of wrongs...The strength does not come from holding the grudge, it comes from forgiving.
2. Get on with your life!
- Move on with your life and don't worry about that person. God will take care of it. Unforgiveness and spite only hurts you, not the other person.

So yeah I learned a lot today. For one, that I need to forgive some people because I have been holding on to some pain for a while. And that I need to ask for forgiveness for some things. But after today I'm not taking that pain with me, its gone.

Spoiled

I am in a bad mood today. But I do have a few things I want to discuss.

I realized lately how I have been spoiled by me and my best friends' relationship. After 8 years of friendship, she knows me inside and out. Even with all the changes we have gone through while in college. I think that the only reason our relationship has lasted this long is because of God. He has really been the center of our friendship since the beginning. We would never still be friends if God hadn't stepped in sometimes. Making me apologize for being selfish or telling her not to place expectations on me. And just as I am writing this blog I realize that my best relationships have God as the center, all the rest come and go.

Also I must apologize to some of my friends because I am guilty of placing expectations upon them. I feel like after knowing someone for a minute, there are just some things you should know. Like what really pisses them off. You should be able to know that....And if you don't, do you really know them?

Looking back on my friendship with Milyaka(best friend) I remember that we have been through so much relationship wise. We've cried, we've yelled, we've stopped talking to each other. But in every argument God showed us where we were at fault, gave us the strength to apologize and we would reconcile, never looking back. And if we did look back that means the issue was never resolved so we would have to talk it out until it was.

And now with my friendships in college, they were kind of automatic. They didn't take as long to foster and we are close. So now when issues come up, I have a hard time understanding why they react like they do. They should already know right? Wrong..... I am sorry for assuming you all know my quirks, I'll work on that. As for you all, I will stop assuming I know you as well because I am sure I don't. At least not completely and that's probably my fault.

I remember coming to college being so happy to be away from home with freedom. But sometimes lonliness would creep in being without Milyaka. Me and Larry(roomie) would talk about theres nothing like just being with people just KNOW you and ACCEPT you for who you are. We both felt like we were missing that sometimes.

That's one reason why I was upset when my old roommate Tiff moved out. Not that Theory isn't a great roomie because she is and we've been homies for years. Tiff just understands me and my personality because we are like minded. We even joke that we share a brain and it was so scary that we could communicate without speaking. We've never really had a real falling out. I don't know whether to consider that a good thing or a bad thing. You know trials can either bring you closer or separate you even more.

But me and Milyaka are NOTHING alike. We don't even think alike and she's my BEST FRIEND! I've heard some people say, I would never put you two in the same room with each other. We balance each other. She is the dramatic, crazy, loud one. I am the quiet, calm one. I admit I can be dramatic too, but not with her. You can't have two crazy, dramatic people in the same vicinity for long, they may blow each other up. I've seen it happen.

I think I do that a lot with people I meet. I try and make a balance. If you're quiet, I'll speak up. You're boistrous, I'll let you take the spotlight. That's why I say I am a complex person. I don't think that when I seem shy at times or when I act crazy that I am not being true to my personality because it is ALL me. I am all those things. So when people say things like "That's not like you", it pisses me off because that just shows how much they don't know me. Anyone who really knew me would say, "Hey, she's capable of anything." Don't place me in a box just so you can feel like you've figured me out.

To end on a good note. I am very blessed to have the friends I have. They are the best. Even those friendships that didn't work out, I feel like they were all to teach me things. There are no regrets. I'm constantly learning and trying to apply those lessons. God is really really working on my character. So I press on.

Well those are my thoughts, let me know what you think.

A New Day

Lil' Kim~ No Time





The last couple days I been working with very little sleep. If you know me you know, I get really cranky when I don't get sleep. So I was looking really mean yesterday. But I was fly because I would rather look mean than to'(torn) down and crazy. I put my Dior scarf on cus I had washed my hair and slapped it into a pontytail. Not a good one either cus Tiff stole my black girl brush. Ya know the ones with the hard bristles. I started to wear my shades to cover the bags, but it was cloudy and that woulda been soooo diva. But I made up for it. When I got home at 7pm, I went to sleep and didn't wake up till 7am. Now, I'm all refreshed and I got mad energy! Sleep is good!!

Song break:
*singing* He's outta my liiiife! *singing*

I'm sad y'all....Guess everything happens for a reason.

End song break.


Got lots of stuff to do today. Phone calls to make, people to see, forms to fill out. Got my facebookin out the way this mornin and I'm writing my blog now soo hopefully I can stay on task.

Somebody I consider my brother is coming out today. I'd known he was on line like the whole time even though he didn't tell me. Hampton is a small school y'all, everybody knows everyones business. I missed talkin to him, that's my homie aka the love of my life(just kidding!). I'm proud of the kid, he stuck it out. But tell me what you think? Is it really worth it? The humiliation, lack of sleep? I shole hope so. It wasn't for me. But I know I woulda been THE BEST "insert sorority here" ever. Reppin from here to Africa!

Well anyway, I'm runnin out of things to say...so Ima go. Make sure y'all get some sleep! Its good for ya!

I'm focused man!

I've had my break, done my partying, now its time to get myself together. Graduation is not too far away people. I need to pass my classes and hope that Hampton doesn't come up with another reason to keep me behind. I gotta get a job. If you say you're graduating, then you either have to have a job or be going to grad school. I have neither. Before the break, I couldn't see the horizon but now its like 5 weeks away......Insane!

Man last semester should have switched to this semester. I rarely had to work even though I had class everyday. Now I only have class twice a week, but I never wanna go and I always have work to do.....Can't win for losin.

I gotta get my work together so I can have time to party and not worry about being behind. My homegirl is having like a black tie gala for her birthday in Indianapolis so I gotta have everything done because I'm definitely going.

But I have too much to do, too little time, and too many distractions. I'm starting to get stressed out. So I guess I'm not quite focused.....yet. I need some coffee and some No-Doze, stat!!

Miss Me?

I'm finally back from my big birthday weekend of fun. Of course I have to talk about the party, but first I must say I love my friends soooo much. They are the greatest and they have made this my best birthday so far. It just keeps gettin better every year.

Well on my birthday I had a co-ed slumber party. Real grown and sexy like. It wasn't huge or anything, just some of my closest friends. We got some of it on video but as the night went on and the drinks became more frequent, people quit picking up the camera. I decided to give awards and superlatives for my party goers. So here goes.

The first award goes to the only person that I had not met before the party. His name is Russell and my homie Nehemiah invited him to the party. For not knowing everyone at the party, I have to give it to Russell. He did a good job of getting to know everyone. So I give him the:
Best Circulation Award
Yes he got around at the party. He also hit on every girl there....so I also give him the: Party Whore Award
Its cool, nobody minded.

Next I award the:
Ike Turner Award
to my big brother Donnie for beating up every woman in the party including myself. Don't worry it was harmless slumber party pillow fighting....although he did hit me with a bedroom slipper.......a couple few times...


For the people that did not sip on anything but was actin just as crazy as the drunk folks, I give the
Sober but Silly Award
to Tiff, Holly, Reese and Kyrha

Most Likely to Incriminate Himself on Tape
goes to Tex. You know why.........

Closet Drunk Award
goes to Nehemiah because I don't think I ever saw him take a sip, but clearly I look up and there's an empty bottle of Hypnotiq sitting next him...........

Best Hostess Award
goes to my roomie Theory because she got her party on, cooked eggs, sausage, bacon, french toast, and pancakes for everyone at 3 am and when I woke up the next morning the place was nearly spotless! Not bad homie!


The only person that did not spend the night, Jermaine gets the
Party Pooper Award
He shoulda been cramped up and squished like the rest of us! Instead I'm assuming he went home to sleep in his own bed.......

My old roomate Tiff got me a margarita set for my birthday. Tell me why the only people NOT drinking were making the margarita's? Mixing every thing totally wrong and wouldn't even taste it to see if the measurements were correct.


Some one did call the police on us. Here's a re-enactment.

Kyhra: The police are here. (In the same tone of voice as saying "The pizza's here")
Me: Are you serious?
Kyhra: Yup
Me: Did you open the door?
Kyhra: Nope, I just looked out the window.

I go to the door, hoping he doesn't notice I've been drinking..............

Officer: You probably know why I'm here....
Me: Hi! Yeah, I'm sorry is the music too loud?
Officer: Yeah, someone called in an anonymous complaint.
Me: Well if they had just come by I would have turned it down.....(Like we woulda heard it anyway..)
Officer: Well you look like you're alright, so I guess its ok as long as we don't get another call.
Me: Oh no, it won't be a problem. Its my birthday and my friends are here.......
Officer: Oh how does it feel to be 16?
Me: (This is good, he's joking. I must be in the clear!) I'm not 16! I'm 22!
Officer: Well you have a nice night.
Me: No problem

Man Police make me nervous.....Glad no one went to jail! And the party continued....with lower music.

It was a real cool slumber party. We stayed up all night. Had a sorta truth or dare that ended with me and Tiff having wet socks and Theory locked outside heheh.....We had our lil late night discussions. No one threw up. There was no nudity, which is good...especially on my part. And I didn't make out with anyone. Go ME!! Great party! I had a fun time and that's all that mattered....cus it was my party! That's all...till next time!

Yeah Aight

Man, this weather is insane! Yesterday it was a bright, sunny, warm day..........Today: SNOW! Can you believe it? And it looks like its tryin to stay for a bit too... Hmmm. So Theory looks like it wouldn't matter whether you stayed or went, you'd still be in the snow. I'm sure its probably not as crucial as it is up there but just the same..... My friends' power went out, so they should be coming over shortly. Anybody in the area without power come over! We can have an indoor picnic! It'll be fun!

I decided to put you on to my newest addiction.....thefacebook.com. Its a directory of college students where you can find all types of people from your high school or from common interest. You can join all these groups with crazy folks just like you. I think its interesting the groups people make up. Here are the groups I've joined:

Adult Swim...Do you do it?
Aquateen Hunger Force
Callin.....all Pisces and all Pisces Lovas
Divas Unite!( All women from my freshman dorm)
Divas!!!!!(See above)
Family Guy
G.R.I.T.S. Girls Raised In The South
HU's Southern Ladies
I Wear My Sunglasses At Night
I Luv Slow Jams
I'm Not Quiet....You Just Talk Too Much!
It's a Midwest Thang!
Passions...( for the soap opera)
People who Seem Oddly Addicted to Facebook
Procrastinators Unite!!...Tomorrow
Sprint to Sprint
shh! Not While ANTM is on
Student Recruitment Team
Tats & Piercings
The Game Room is Where I'll Be....
You always liked me, you just didn't know it

And I even started 3 groups of my own:

Oklahoma, stand UP!!
I can't leave my house unglossed
I'm from the suburbs, but I'm so hood.....


Yeah these are definitely descriptive of me.....And there are like 200 more groups that don't apply to me but ya know whatever. People are making new groups everyday and I keep looking for new ones.

Speaking of piercings my friend just got her nose pierced, I'm not a big fan of facial piercings and I've made that known.....But ya know.......Whatever

Man! The sun just came out with a vengeance. Looks like that snow isn't gonna last after all...thats cool.


I just saw Diary of a Mad Black Woman last night. For those who aren't familiar with the Medea plays, Tyler Perry is the creator of several Christian plays about relationships centered around the character 'Medea'. She's a heathen of a grandma who's always tryin to pop a cap in somebody. Her kids and grandkids run to her when something is going wrong in their lives. It was good I must say. I don't wanna tell the movie but there's a part where.......well I'm not gonna say, but I was crackin up!!!

There was some really good messages in the movie, especially about forgiveness. I remember Sicily Tyson's character saying something about when someone hurts you they have power over you and until you forgive them, they keep that power. So you must forgive not only for them but for you. There were some other good ones too, so yeah go see that.

Well, I'm hungry.....And I'm sittin here in front of the computer......That don't even make sense.....sooo ttyl.

My Daddy

Prepare yourself, this might get kinda sappy.....

Luther Vandross~ Dance with my father

This is something kinda personal to me. My daddy and I don't have the best relationship. I'm not even sure how he feels about it....My parents were divorced when I was 12. Until then my Dad thought he was my best friend. He used to talk to me about everything. I felt like I was his psychiatrist. An 11 year old should not be giving advice to a grown man about life. I always felt like I raised my father and he's still not an adult. Whenever he would say 'Oh you're just like me', I'd cringe. That's the last thing I wanted. You know as you grow up, you start to look at your parents less like parents and more like people. My dad is a spoiled man who never really learned how take care of himself. He's always needed a woman around to take care of him. But it ain't gone be me, I'm sorry.


I hope and pray that whole saying about you always end up with a man like your father is not true. I think that's one of my greatest fears. Another is that I will end up like my father.....I pray about that all the time. I want to love my father so much, but he just keeps letting me down time after time after time. After a person lets you down that much its hard to believe anything they say.... So I don't. Words hold very little weight with me. I usually wait to see a person's actions and go from there. I mean you can say it, but that does not mean you mean it. At the same time, I'm learning that some things need to be said. For example, you can show a person you love them but if you never say it, it's like doing nothing at all. Believe it or not.... I have communication issues. I hate talking about the way I feel....... But I can write about it. I'm learning to speak up. People rarely listen or care so I never thought it would make a difference. But my cousin once told me 'Silence does not always keep the peace'.


And I know its so cliche but it does affect my male relationships. There are very few men I trust or believe what they say. Which makes it hard to actually have a relationship. Where does the healing begin? Right now. Its gonna be hard and its gonna take time, but it can happen. When I think about my marriage, I just know its gonna be beautiful. Nothing like my parents'. I'm not saying they didn't love each other because I believe they did and still do. And I'm not saying they were not right for each other because it could have worked out. I just don't think they tried to keep it together and after awhile there was no point. Neither has really forgiven the other for their mistakes. I can tell that they both are still deeply hurt even after 10 years of divorce.

My dad just has not grown any since I have known him. I haven't seen that he has learned anything. And now I'm just tired of talking to him. I really don't have any more to say. He's never been abusive or anything like that, I always knew he loved me....He just never learned how to be a man. I love my daddy and I always will, but I don't know what else to do. Our relationship makes me more pessimistic about life and love. And I cannot live life like that. I pray that I am able to realize my faults and try to correct them. I pray that God shows me what I need to change. I see the road I am headed for if I don't by looking at my father. You must always continue to grow in life....Or you die, spiritually and mentally.


I have always envied my friends who have great relationships with their fathers. Its a beautiful thing, the father-child relationship. Daddies just have so much power. Taking nothing from mothers, we know they can be the best too. But with fathers it's different. Men don't even realize what effect they have. I think its important that a father teach his daughter what to look for in a man and how he should treat her. I remember one of my friends said her dad took her out on a date to show her how it should go. I have some friends who either don't have a father or never had a real relationship with their father and I think its crazy that they envy me! Is it better to have a whack father or none at all? I know it's hard to be a parent. You are responsible for the type of people that go out into society. I give mad props to those that do it well. One thing that deters me from sex is that if I slip up and make a mistake, I'm afraid I'm not ready to be the parent I want to be. And my kids don't deserve a half ass parent (excuse the language, what's another word for half ass?).


I don't know why I am sharing this information. I've always written better and more expressively than I speak. Maybe there's someone out there who needs to read this. Maybe it was just for me to get it out. Its probably because its Spring Break and every break I begin to think way too deeply about EVERYTHING because all of the time I have. But I leave you with this.....I love my father, I hope one day I get to dance with him.

That's love

Oh my! ' Their Eyes Were Watching God' was a good movie! Very sexy. If you missed it, I hope they do a recast for ya. That's all I can say.....I taped it though. If you in the area maybe I'll let you come watch.....I dunno. Halle Berry is beautiful! You can't hate on her physically......I'm still mad at her for Monster's Ball though.

Is that really me?

Beyonce~Crazy in Love



What was life like before the Beyonce booty bounce?

My roommate was taping me with her camcorder. As I watched the playback, I was listening to my voice and I thought is that how I sound? No wonder people laugh at me when I'm mad. I sound five years old y'all! I always wondered when guys would imitate me they would alway use this high pitched exaggeration of me. But apparently it wasn't an exaggeration...that's how I sound. So now I will work on bringing my voice down to a sexy lower tone. Its crazy lately I've been realizing how much I don't pay attention to myself. It was like watching and listening to a stranger. Actors must really be in touch with themselves and their mannerisms. If you watch Beyonce you can tell she knows her face and the way her body works. She's always posing and her poses are almost always perfect. I wonder how much time they spend in front of the mirror.

Man! Today I almost lost my life y'all. She's a new driver, but she got a car before everyone else. I'm always cautious whenever I get in the car with her, but I try not to let it show so I don't make her nervous. I remember how I was when I first started driving and nervous passengers made me even more nervous. She knows she's not the best driver and usually lets me drive, but today she drove to church, Wal-Mart and then we went to eat at CiCi's Pizza. She was doing a great job. I was very proud. As we were turning into the parking lot she hestitated too long waiting for some cars to pass and then when she decided to go, there was a Jeep heading straight for our side! I mean I was really scared and so was our other friend Kyrha because if we had gotten hit it would have hit her side.....Thankfully the Jeep hit its brakes and my friend sped up so we didn't collide. Thank you God!

Tonight I'm spending some time with my girls. We're gonna watch that Oprah movie with Halle Berry "Their Eyes Are Watching God". My lil sis told me all about the book and made me curious about it. I'm excited! And Ima cook something....I haven't done that in a long time! And its probably something ready-made. Like my roommate Larry says 'they just don't make women like they used to'. But shoot, I got things to do. Ain't got time for made from scratch items. Ima learn how to cook for real one day. I can make some things but it ain't like Mama's. I'm still young. I got time and I ain't married yet. I'll tell you this though..... Me and my husband are gonna have to split the cooking duties....

Life is funny..........

There are so many things I wanna talk about, I don't even know where to start!

Well first of all we finally got this site at Hampton called thefacebook.com. Where you can look up people around your school with common interests, high school friends and people from all over the the world! Its crazy and its addictive. Once you start and people start sending you messages and 'poking you', you just want more! So I'm tryin to get all my friends on there... You can check out my profile. AND another thing is you can search anyone by name. I found out there are 5 other people with my name! Exact same spelling and everything. And my name isn't that common....

I've changed my picture like 5 times since I joined and that was only two days ago.....Me and my roomie had to have another photoshoot of course! But we didn't take as many as last time. This one was much more intimate......low lighting, on the bed.....oh yeahhhhh. Just for y'all. It was nice.



A funny thing happened to me at Wal-Mart yesterday....I was cruisin the aisles pricing memory sticks cus I'm tired of carry all these floppy's around and I know I'm so technologically behind, when a guy comes up to me and says "You have a nice smile. Oh! And dimples...do it again!". So we begin to converse and he's cute, a lil too short for me... but cute. He has an southern twang and I think, its gotta be Louisiana. Turns out I'm right! And his accent brings out my accent and we just sound all kindsa country. Next thing I know we've been talkin for like twenty minutes and I realize I don't know his name. At the end of our conversation I knew almost half his life and didn't know his name. So I ask him, I say nice to meet you and continue on my way..... He didn't ask for my number and I don't think that was the point of the conversation....I think he was lonely, people in this area are either in college or the military so its understandable being away from home and all. It was such a nice conversation. I had to write about it.

Oh yeah! I finally got my present from my secret Valentine........I'm kinda disappointed y'all. Its a lil pink bunny with a mirrored pastel bowtie. Not even big enough to cuddle with.*shaking my head* I guess I should be appreciative.....Its just after waiting that long, I was hoping for something more....and I was so proud of my gift for my secret Valentine......Oh well.....That's my complaining for the day. Back to the happy stuff!!


Spring Break is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm about to explode!!! Time to dance around the house lookin crazy. 'Ima maaaaniac, maaaniaaaac!!' Join in! You know you want to. I think it really will be a great time. I'm gonna rent a car so I can go joy riding if I want to, my birthday is Friday (the big two-two!) !! So exciting! Feel free to send your love.

Karma

How big a part do you think karma plays in the things that happen to us? I know its a Bhuddist concept, but a lot Christians believe that what goes around comes around. But what happens when stuff happens to you and you ain't did nothing? Is that karma from way back when you forgot? What are the statutes of limitations? How long does it take for something to get back to you? When does it end?

You don't have to answer, just some things I've been wondering....

On the Grind

Big Tymers~Gangsta Girl

On the day I make the decision start goin to all my classes, all of them are cancelled except for the one I went to last Thursday! I was shocked but shooot that's aight! And in the class I went to we got our tests back and I got a 95!!!! This is a class that everyone has trouble with and the tests are crucial. I almost fell outta my chair. I gave my test a kiss and put it on the fridge! Thats an accomplishment. This day was starting out well..... but I tried not to get too excited. That's when everything goes wrong. So I went home. Took a tremendous nap. It was lovely......

Later on me and my roomie went to the gym. As I said earlier, I ain't tryin to lose weight. I'm tryin to get in shape. I get winded goin upstairs to my room! That ain't right for a 21 year old woman. So I did a lil cardio to get the heart pumpin and some weight training to tone up the muscles......Ima be so sore tomorrow.

Looking around the gym, I wondered why everyone else was in there. Some had weight loss goals, some folks are just gym junkies, and some were looking to see who else was there. I felt like the dudes just took over the gym.....I stayed away from the machines that had too much weight on them so I wouldn't look like a damsel in distress trying to take them off. I had to be tough and strong! That's how you do in the gym!

After I got my workout, I had to go on over to the game room.....That just completed my day. It was a good day for pool. I lost a couple times but overall I played really well. All the games came down to the eight ball which is always good.

So it was like the perfect day!! I have NOTHING to complain about.....Ima have to put this day in my pocket and remember it on those days when I feel like complaining. I wish you the same kind of day.