Lately I've been trying to be more consistent and orderly in my life. Balancing my check book, making sure I get certain things done daily. And as I continue get more things in order, it feels like my life is filling up. I want to make time for certain things and people. But it feels like if I add one more thing and another and another and then I won't have time for me. I value my alone time. I enjoy my time alone. I'm a self admitted loner.
However, this year which started off with a bang has kept me more busy than I possibly have ever been. Now compared to other peoples' lives I'm sure it doesn't seen like much. I don't have children, school or a relationship to deal with but my life is pretty full. The more you grow in God there's a huge focus on relationships and maintaining any healthy relationship takes what? Time.
I've started a new job and I'm realizing if I want to be successful its going to take more of a commitment than just your regular work day hours. I have friends that I actually like hanging out with. Church commitments that I feel that I have no reason not to be apart of especially as a service to the body. I honestly feel like my family has fallen out the loop in all of this. I'm working on getting them in the rotation.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family. My sister and I have been on rocky terms since birth, but I would do anything for her whether she knows it or not. My niece and nephew are my heart. My mom is the greatest. But we live in the same city and at times it feels as if I could be back in VA and see them the same amount of time. I take my blame in all this. I could work harder at scheduling time with the kids and fam. My sister and I are on another level. I continually have to pray for that relationship. So yeah it begins now with the realization that I probably kicked them to the curb a while ago.
And while I do want to get time in for myself, I don't want to come to family functions like a stranger. And I want my niece and nephew to know me. I'm currently in a process.
