Ya think ya know, but ya don't

I've decided to look into the fine art of Christian dating. I believe it has to be an art because it's hard to do and it must take some type of creativity to do it.

At this point, I find myself on strike from dating or even thinking about dating for several reasons.

1. Distraction. I have a lot on my plate right now, no need to get caught up in someone else.
2. Fear that I might do something wrong and end up ten steps back in my walk.
3. I never really look at men here in Tulsa. They're either attracted to other races, not attractive (to me), a waste of time, or just not interesting. In other words WACK.

But while I'm busy I might as well learn how to date so that when it comes time, I'll know what to do.

When Myles Monroe came to visit my church he said, "If at any point someone can tell you WHY they love you, they no longer love you. If they use the words 'When, if, only or always' they don't love you because those words are conditional. Love is unconditional.'

I actually bought his book called Waiting and Dating. It says that the world we live in has reversed the order in which we are supposed to have a meaningful relationship. In the world you get to know someone physically first, then intellectually, then spiritually. When it should be that you find out about where a person is spiritually, intellectually, then physically (in the confines of marriage).

One thing I learned in the book that was interesting was that engagement is the first stage of marriage. In other words when you make that promise to marry, you are already in a convenant relationship with that person. In the Bible if a woman was engaged she would already be known as that man's wife and in order for it to be broken it would require a divorce. They would be known as a married couple but not to the greatest degree. That comes when the marriage is consumated with sex on the wedding night.

It's an interesting book. At this point I am at the first stage of dating: Learning to be alone. I'm taking care of business while I'm at it.

She's a maanniacc, maaniaacc

I have to say that a day does not go by where my neice ceases to amaze me. She is incredibly different than any other kid I know. I mean if she knew more words she would probably be telling me how to do things around here and she already tries. I love to just watch her because she finds stuff to do. And whatever she can't do, she'll get someone bigger to do it for her.

I wanna keep a camera on hand at all times because she's always doing these grown up poses. I don't know where she got them. That one hand on the wall leg crossed move, she's got a flirty pose, and that infamous black girl pose. It's so funny to watch.

Yeah now its finally weird to say my age maybe its time to start saying, 'I'm in my 20's' . Then I'll be 30ish, 40ish, 40ish, 40ish for as long as that works. Then by 80 I'll start telling my real age because by then its a real accomplishment.

I was at the doctor's office with my mom and this lil 4 yr old boy became enamored with me. (It's always the young ones) His grandmother started to tease 'He's got a girlfriend now. He thinks he's your age. How old are you? 17? 18?' I say, 'No, I'm 23'. She says, 'Oh you look good for your age.'

Good for my age? WOW. I guess that's better than saying you look young for your age....

Eventually, he got a hold of some Legos and forgot all about me. The story of my love life so far.

Mind Blowing

If you say you love hip-hop and R & B music, go to this website http://www.exministries.com . But be WARNED it will completely mess you up! It's for your own good and mine too.

There are no words...

Oh boy! Oh boy! So many stories! I wish I could just telepathically send them out to my bloggers over the internet.

Everybody's out cus its Friday night....Not I. Oh well, time to wash my hair. You know it takes 3 days to do it anyway.

Been having a great time at church. My faith has increased like 20 times over. No like 50 times over. It feels good. And I'm still learning stuff.

The business thing is still hard. But I believe my help is on the way. I wish I could fly Kory out here. When we were in school we were like the dream team. I know we could take this thing over.

I had a pivotal conversation/ mini-breakdown with my mom and my sister. Almost had me saying, "This why I wanted to stay in Hampton!". My first mistake: I didn't pray before I talked them. I saw their side of the argument and I'm taking steps to fix that, but I don't know if they were understanding what I was trying to say. But its sort of one of those things where even if I took you through the whole thing step by step you still wouldn't know. On my mother's part, I think she needs to learn to let go. It's like this: She's still looking at me like I'm her baby. Like I can't do anything for myself. It reminds me of when I used to make up my bed and she'd be like 'Oh just get out the way and let me do it.' Well I gotta do somethings on my own or how else will I know how to do them? She doesn't want me to be without and that's wonderful but if you're gonna complain about supplying those needs...DON'T SUPPLY THEM. She needs to let me be an adult.

I felt so attacked after that conversation, I got on my knees and didn't get up until I felt like I'd covered everything I needed to cover. Got some real praying in.

After I told Farah about that night she was like, "I wanna move out and I don't even live there." I said, "I know!!"

I mean if it were up to me I would have stayed in Hampton, worked my butt off, made my way somehow, SOMEHOW! I would have been DEAD inside, BUT I would have been independent and they wouldn't have to worry about what I'm doing.

But I know that I'm supposed to be here at this time for a reason. And I'm glad I came because nothing good comes without a lil struggle and my family is my struggle.

Then the next day I got all these calls from people that I hadn't heard from in a while. Me and Milyaka talked for longer than we had in a while. And at least three times I heard people tell me, 'I believe in you'. It was the greatest feeling. Because I was feeling discouraged and that helped so much.

Congratulations to my lil sister Sigele for crossing Delta Sigma Theta, Inc. I'm so proud of my girl!! Plus I got some inside info that one of my other friends is crossing Kappa Alpha Psi, Inc. So Congrats homie!!! Yeah, I get all the info even though I'm halfway across the country.

I love all you guys! Keep your eyes open I may be coming to the east coast soon...

Yup!

I might as well blog, I've been online long enough. I've had more than usual to write about but not enough time to sort it out. Been a lotta crazy things going on. And even now I don't know what to say. I think I'll pause and come back later. I need to go to the beauty supply store. This new shampoo is just not working for me.

Superwoman is in the house!

So....my 23rd birthday was yesterday. I got more birthday wishes than I've ever gotten thanks to facebook. I feel loved, but I sort of think that facebook has made us lazy. People don't even pick up the phone anymore. No card, just a lil message. I guess I should be greatful for the thought and I am. Even though I can't help but wonder if they felt pressured to say 'Happy Birthday' because they'd been reminded of it everyday for the last 4 days....Sometimes I feel that pressure. Some people called AND left messages, that was nice. Even though my phone was dead half the day, I still got the voicemails.

The day was not the greatest, definitely one for the books though. I didn't know I had it in me to be so strong. But right now, I don't have the energy to describe it all. Let's just say you wouldn't have wanted to be me on my birthday.

I did have one birthday surprise. Tiff sent Bobo, my love, back to me.



Now, I'm not alone in Tulsa. Just in time. Thanks Tiff.

Dear Bobo,
I missed you. Life has not been the same without you. It shall be full of bliss now that we are one.


*sigh*

I know, yeah, I'm a lil touched. Keeps me entertained. I'm not too keen on the name Bobo. It's not really that creative. I would have expected more from you Tiff!

I'm still fighting this cold or whatever it is. I hate being sick.

Sorry for ruining Project Runway for ya, Sleepy. You should still see the finale, its worth it.

What's with all these real curse words on regular cable? It's kinda scary, there's like no sense of decency anymore.

I started watching that show Black.White where to two families trade races. Why is the white girl prettier as a black girl? She seems to be having the most fun though.

I long to be grunge

I wish I had something light and airy to give, but nothing comes to mind. Lately, I had lots of stuff on my mind. I've been in really deep thought.....

OH wait! I got it!

Why did Tiffani try and tell me that the word cohesive does not exist? We were talking about Project Runway and I was saying that Chloe's line was very cohesive, that's why she won. She says, "You made that up! Cohesive is not a word! There is adhesive and comprehensive, you can't just put those words together. I know you graduated from college and all but that don't mean you can just make up words! Unh-unh, you ain't gone get me with that one. I'm not using that word. Ain't not such thing as a cohesive. Sound like a ghetto name. Qohesive. You gone try and name your first child that. Qohesive. Show me that in Webster's!"

I was laughing for like twenty minutes. I promise. She cracks me up!

Let's take a ride on this roller coaster

Ultimate Excitement!! Top Model is on!!!


So...I've been sick for the last couple days. I dunno what happened, but I woke up yesterday and could barely move or talk. To make matters worse, my sister told me my niece was sick and had to stay home with me. Turns out, the baby was fine, I was the one who needed taking care of. My head pounding, my throat sore, my nose clogged up and a very active baby to take care of. Thank God I was able to get through the morning, change her diaper every time, fix her something to eat and make sure she didn't destroy the house. Oh it was so great when she took her nap, because I was barely making it.

As soon as my mom got home, I dropped out of circulation and fell in and out of consciousness. I was supposed to go to Arkansas to see my grandma. We got some bad news about her saying that she wasn't going to get any better. Everyone is handling it in their own way. I really wanted to go because its been awhile since I've seen her. But when it came time to leave early this morning I couldn't even stand up for more than a minute without getting dizzy. I couldn't get my stuff packed, couldn't think straight and I didn't want to be a burden while I was there.

While slipping in and out of consciousness, I remember my baby coming in to my room and kissing me on my cheek. Hopefully she doesn't get sick, but it was really sweet.

I found out while playing in her basketball game, my cousin J got her nose broken. Some girl deliberately hit her in the face with her elbow. Now we're lookin to sue. Her birthday is on Sunday. What a birthday present! Two black eyes and a broken nose. Crazy ain't it?

For those of you who don't know, Three six Mafia used to be called Triple six Mafia, 666, the calling card of the devil. They used to outright declare their worship to the devil, now they hide it within the music. They changed their name up for people to think, maybe its 36 not three 6's. Nope its the latter. Where you're not quite sure what they said, but they say it. They draw you in with hot beats and because people don't listen to music anymore, you get caught up. Before you realize it, their message is ingrained in you. I think the city of Memphis has it the hardest. Because Three Six Mafia is from Memphis, their music is played there 24/7. Make sure you know what you are listening to. There's an email circulating now about the message in their music. I haven't seen it, but I've heard about it. I'm just saying what I know. Even after gaining this knowledge people will still listen to it. Just know you're helping to spread their message of Satanic worship. If you're OK with that, that's between you and Lord God above.

I've been saying that all along

Been moving in so many directions lately I haven't had a chance to sit down and write about anything. I've been trying to focus and things are movin.... at their own pace. I'm doing my part and handling things as they come.

Last week at church a speaker named Myles Monroe came taught about potential. Oh my goodness! It was off the chain! I want to share my notes but I haven't had the time to type them up, but when I do they'll be up. It was so inspirational. Made me feel like I couldn't just sit in one place. That I have to be doing something to fill up my day at all times. So that's what I have been doing.

I went and saw the Madea movie twice. It was really good. Better than the first one, I think. I think I just hated seeing Shamar Moore with those fake braids.

My sister has been telling people I'm really "deep" these days. I thought she was being sarcastic and making fun of me, but she told me she really meant it. I don't mean to get too serious on folks, I still love to laugh, but I've been thinking about some really deep things lately. Staying focused. It's good to make other people think about the choices they're making. Now I'm thinking about the choices I'm making. I've went with the flow for so long, it's time for me to make things happen. I always end up flowing into trouble.

Me and my big cousin have been getting really close lately. I see how much she wants someone to just listen to her. I believe one of my purposes of coming here is to bring change and bring hope. Things will change in a radical way.

Sidebar: I CANNOT believe Three-six Mafia won an OSCAR for "It's hard out here for a pimp". Now I know the world is coming to an end when a group representing the devil win's an award about pimpin. It's gotta be the end.

Is there a doctor in the house?

This business thing is starting to become a lil bit overwhelming. I ain't no quitter though. We gone make it!