Who's kids are these?

A thought came to me last week. I can't remember what I was doing or why it came to me, but I was thinking I would be ok if I didn't have kids. I know what it was! I was watching Girlfriends and it was that episode where Joan broke up with Brock her supposed "Soul Mate" because he told her he didn't want kids. He was talking about all the things they could do instead of having kids. When they wanted kids around they could baby-sit and when they didn't the kids could go home.

I just remember thinking she's so stupid! She's in love and happy with a man who loves her and wants to marry her with no real major flaws. Things could change. And lookin at Joan's history, she might not have too many other chances plus she's kinda gettin up there, she may not be able to have kids in couple years.

Also Joan has other issues we won't get into right now.

I understand where Joan is coming from. I mean no one likes their choices taken away from them. It's one thing not wanting to have kids and not being able to have kids.

But I have decided it would be ok if I didn't have kids. If I was happy with just me and my husband, that's fine. I used to pity my aunt Kate because she never had her own kids. She practically raised me though. She was like my second mother. In fact her whole life she's been raising other peoples' kids. First her brothers and sisters, then her neices and nephews, and when she got married about 7 years ago, her husbands' four children from a previous marriage. But now I don't pity her anymore. I'm grateful for what she is to me. I pray I can be the same for my neice.

Now I'm not saying I don't want kids. I think it would be great to have kids. I'd like about five. And I've always wanted to be a grandma and pass down heirlooms. That would be the best part. I've been told I'd be a wonderful grandma because I already act like an old lady. But one of my fears is that I won't be a good parent. Can't worry about that though. If its the Lord's will that I have kids, then I pray that I am equipped to raise them well.

But you know what? Joan will probably get pregnant and marry William since they were in the bed together on last episode with their boring, non-sex appeal having selves.

Gotta get away!

Lenny Kravitz-Where are we runnin?

So where is it your mind runs to?

Nowhere. My mind stays in the same place, its my body that does all the running.

If you can tell me where that's from I'll give you twenty cool points because obviously you pay attention.

I never can keep things the same. I need change or I'll go crazy.

In a three month span:

I've changed my room around at least once.
My room's not that big, its gettin kinda hard to think of new floor plans.

I've traveled out of state.
I call it running away, its good to change atmosphere. In fact I'm leaving tomorrow. I've been known to do it without telling anyone.

I change the people I'm around.
There are only like two or three people I can talk to everyday without them getting on my nerves. That includes phone time because I hate talking on the phone. I'm anti-social like that and I get bored easily.

I change my activities.
I get bored easily.

My hair changes every day.

Well what can I say? I get bored.

I moved around a lot when I was younger. We moved to five different states before Oklahoma. I've been in Oklahoma for the past 10 years including the four years I've been in college and in that time we've moved six times.

In the eighth grade I told my mom she was unstable and if she moved again, she could leave me because I wanted to finish high school in one place.

But as soon as I finished high school, I bounced. Clear across the country.

And now I don't think this is where I want to settle. But it looks like I might be here for awhile. So I guess I'll make the best of it. I'm not incapable of stability. I can do it.... I think. I've just never had stability in my life. Gonna take some getting used to.

I know where I get it from. My mama. She's the same way, she changes her living room every few months as well. I love her dearly and she's the best but that's where I get it. She had to do what she had to do to get by. Most of the time we had no other option.

It makes me think of this sermon where my pastor spoke about generational curses. Things that run in your family for generations. Most people think of cancer or alcoholism. I think instability is one of my generational curses and it has to stop here.

Life is change, but being unstable is not a life I want.

It ain't right

Tiff called me the other day because she it just hit her who BJ was. It was really sad. We knew him from the game room. I only knew him from the game room. We never hung out, didn't have mutual friends. But if he was in the game room he was like fam because if you were in the game room you ran into the same people all the time. I've been reading other peoples' blogs that knew him and its so nice to see that everyone has good memories of the last time they saw him which tells you what kinda guy he was. He reached so many people in a good way. Everyone is taking it really hard which is to be expected. I'm so sorry y'all. There's nothing anyone can say to lessen the pain.

As much dislike as I have for Hampton right now, I have to say I never felt unsafe. We'd walk every inch of campus at midnight and never feel like I was in danger. Even BJ's death didn't happen on campus, it was at an off campus party, but it involved all HU students. Looks really bad for you HU. What you gone do now?

I'm on FIRE

It's horrible out there. I think the heat index is like 114 degrees. I picked the right day to wear the only mini skirt I own. I need to get some shorts, skirts are too restrictive. You can't hang out with the homies in a skirt. Can't really relax. I'ma tomboy, you gotta be too lady-like in a skirt otherwise its just nasty.

Samuel L. Jackson is just one of those people who pop up in movies at the beginning or end just for a cameo. He must really believe there are no small parts. Or maybe he's tryin to pad that bank account.

I have the most terrible neck spasm crook crick whatever you call it. I can't even turn my head to the right. Stress? Whatever it is it hurts.

Farewell Jamie, you will be missed homie. Jamie's one of my neighbors. He just got outta the Navy and he's goin back to AL. We'd just chill and watch movies. One of my many admirers in that house. LOL. We go hard in the paint!

Holly's sis dropped knowledge on her today. She said there's no such thing as 'talking', its dating. Talking leaves emotional baggage. Dating also leaves emotional baggage but at least there's a claim and an explaination to it. The word we use today 'talking' is basically just a cop out from putting a label on anything because people are soooo afraid of labels.

I like Amerie's new album. Lotsa upbeat songs. Mmm hmm. I mean she doesn't have a traditionally beautiful voice but its interesting. Can't beat good producers. I heard she gives a good performance also.

I did the PMSy crying thing yesterday while watching Love & Basketball. That's the good thing about being a girl, you get a lotta excuses to act crazy. Cry hysterically, act evil and wear black, curse people out and scream 'YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!'......Then the next day act like you don't remember. Just say, 'Oh yeah, that? That was just PMS. You know how I get.' Cramps are the bad part of bein a girl. But yet another excuse to act crazy.

OH come on!

Mr. Anonymous Commenter, I know who you are......BOO!

Common~Go

Almost everytime we let someone know one of my roomates is a guy, I get the double-take, then "You live with a guy? Isn't that weird?" Then from all males, "I couldn't do it." And I say, "That's why I'm not living with you, I'm living with Larry." And lately I've been getting,"Don't you get horny?" Yeah right, like if I get that frustrated the first person I would attack would be my roommate? EW! That's stupid.

One guy even told me if we were roommates, we would definitely have sex. Cocky lil bastard. He was feeling himself wayyy too much. First of all, if I were to ask someone to live with me, it would not be someone I was attracted to. That would be asking for trouble Secondly, if I'm not attracted to you, you won't even get close. And third, it is all about respect. That's a boundary that does not need to be crossed. Anyone who would try to do that does not respect the relationship.

Larry is the most respectful person I know. Plus he has two sisters and he's used to living with women so it works out. His ideals and interests are different from any guy I know. We can actually go see the movies no one else wants to see, try new resturants, go to the museum and stuff. He's focused unlike most of knuckleheaded dudes I know.

People see us and say we're gonna get married. Why? Because we live together. I think the logic is being able to live together is half the battle.....Yeah aight. The only space we actually share is the kitchen. How about having a real friend that's a guy? That's impossible, right? Plus there are some reasons I have that I would never marry nor date Larry. But I know the woman he does marry will be taken care of and hopefully she will be totally enamored with him. He ain't for me, but he's a great guy.

That Napolean Dynamite was way overrated. I think I like seeing people imitate it more than I liked the movie. The dance scene at the end is hot though.

Happy Birthday Crystal!

Method Man~Bring the Pain

Had a pretty good weekend. Me and Chele took one of our neighbors to McFadden's with us this weekend. He was sooo much fun because he's not one of those dudes that feel they need to be posted up on the wall lookin bored and cool. No! He got out there and had the greatest time. And I had a great time watchin him. He was goofy without being whack. Its a thin line. He was country line dancin, salsa-dancin, we played pool (my highlight). It was great. Chele got him tipsy so she could get a lap dance and she did (her highlight).

I went out with my roomates to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. My roomates now include Adrianne because she now has food in our fridge and clothes in my drawers. We have adopted her. Plus I think I spend as much time at her place as she does at mine. So it evens out.

I've been workin on my college scrapbook. It's been a real artistic challenge because I want every page to be a visual masterpiece. Plus I get caught up remembering what I was doing at the time of the picture. The good old days. I can tell its gonna be a real process.

Happy Birthday Crystal! She's one of my heartbeats!! We called her our heart murmur because she was the beat that was always missin. She was usually studying or something. I miss my girls a lot. We're all pretty different but we connected in different ways.

It's finally over

Keysha Cole~Want it to be over



I am finally over Chris. And I'm not mad at him. You won't be reading any bitter posts a year from now, trust me. Part of the reason I'm not mad is that I know most of it was my fault, because I accepted a lotta crap and it probably wasn't meant to be anyway. You can only control what you do, not what other people do.

I am free!

Because I gotta admit that the whole thing was pretty dramatic. Even I was dramatic in it and I'm not a drama type person. I was beginning not to recognize myself and by that time my best friends had already been telling me, "This is not you." And the thing that makes me the most mad is that it coulda been nipped in the bud in the beginning! But I allowed myself to get drawn deeper and deeper into it and I didn't care. Don't me wrong Chris has some fault in this too. But this ain't about him, its about me.

But God let me be hard headed because sometimes you have to go through things to know where you don't wanna be. I don't know what I was thinkin. It was all a major distraction from things I didn't wanna think about. I had a lotta fun but it was also a lotta stress. A different kinda stress than the other stuff I was dealing with. A surprisingly easier stress.

And now its over! And I don't ever have to mention it again.

Make it all better again

I had a wonderful outing. After my friends' father looked over my resume and I made some more adjustments, I took it to Hampton's Career Center to have it looked at one more time. You can never be too careful when it comes to your resume.

They told me to come back so I went to visit my people in admissions while I waited. I ended up staying and talking to Ms. Boyd, Director of Admissions. She is one of the sweetest people I know. As a matter of fact most of the people in the Admissions are beautiful people. No wonder the enrollment is going up. And with people like me recruiting for years, I know we're bringin mad money to HU. Even though Hampton has left a sour taste in my mouth, I still love my Admissions staff.

Anyway, she took a really thorough look at my resume, told what I needed to change and said, "Man, I wanna hire you." WELL if HU wasn't on my bad side right now or if I even wanted to stay in the city of Hampton, I would probaly consider it. I know what you're saying, "Beggars can't be choosers". But God has given me favor and if I'm gonna work somewhere it might as well be somewhere I want to be.

On the way back to my friends apartment I ran into a girl I see all the time. I remember her face everytime because I gave her her tour. She saw me and said, "I don't know if you remember me.....". And I said, "I definitely do" She said, "I came to Hampton because of you." I used to take that as a compliment, now I don't know. We had a conversation about what she was doing and what I'm doing, which ain't much. But it made me feel really good because she was smiling and she seemed to have her head on straight. I was really proud. Then she left me saying. "Thanks for bringing me to Hampton." I just pray her experience goes smoothly. Thank God for good memories.

Atten-CHUN!!!!

Pussy-Cat

Today starts a couple different types of boot camp for me. As many of you know, I do not have a job. And whereas I have faith that God is gonna place me where I need to be, I can tell my mom is getting a little anxious. So this begins my application boot camp. I have to step up my job search a notch and I am enlisting all the help of every resource I have to make my resume impossible to pass up.

The second part of my boot camp has to do with my friends' new work out plan and she wants me to be her drill sergeant. I'll see what I can do.

This is a new beginnning. Trying to get healthier mentally, spiritually and physically. Time to get serious, playtime is over.

I just had it!

Maxwell~Lifetime

I had something to write about this morning, but I forgot what it was..........Guess I'll just have to start all over. What have I been doing for the past few days? Bothering the neighbors when I have nothing else to do. Cleaning the house when I feel like it. I've gotten into a routine with the TV lately.

10:00-12:00pm Dawson's Creek
12:00-2:00pm Judging Amy
2:00-4:00 pm Free time usually consists of singing in the shower.
4:00- 5:00pm Oprah
5:00- 6:00pm Girlfriends
6:00- 8:00pm Free time: Go bother the nieghbors.


Yeah that's about it. I'm a loser. But these shows are critical to my development. I was watchin Girlfriends with one of my neighbors. He was about to jump up and testify when Joan's boyfriend told her, "You women only hear what you wanna hear and don't listen to what's being said to you." And he jumped up and said, "Thats the source of almost ALL relationship problems!"

I agree. Women often don't listen. But that's because y'all aren't saying what we wanna hear, So we'll keep asking until you tell us what we wanted to hear.....Oh but don't act like you men are the best listeners in the world. I know many a man that loves to twist my words into something that does not even resemble what I'd originally said.

I really have to give a shoutout to MisFitz15 because I was reading her blog and she hit the nail right on the head! I feel you very much in a big way! I think I was gonna mention something like this in the next post, but you beat me to the punch. But, yeah I realize that this is a time for me to be alone so that God can show me what he needs to show me without distraction. And I too suck at balancing relationships and Christian living. So much temptation! But in the end it's all nothing.

Also I wanted to say we had a horrible loss at HU. Its really hard when someone so young with a promising future dies. I can't speculate at what was supposed to happen, I only know that you can't control what other people do. You can only control what you do. Please make smart choices people. Rest in peace, BJ.

Don't be afraid......

Amerie~Touch

This weather is not working with my hair. Its entirely too humid. My hair just blows up. I think I might have to wait until fall to wear my hair straight. Oh well I'm the one that wanted to go natural. This is the ultimate test, if I can make it through the summer without breaking down and getting a perm. I've never done this before.

Once I do my hair, there's like these rebel strands that curl up at the first sign of humidity.

That Date My Mom show is crazy. Some of these mom's are too much. This one mom is comin on to the kid that's tryin to date her daughter. He said, "I don't wanna date your daughter, I wanna date you." Eew. Good thing she's married.

I give up. I'm not straightening my hair until November.

Here's some more randomness for ya:

1. I miss you homie. Life just ain't the same without you.
2. I know you've been giving and giving and you feel unappreciated, just know you are a huge blessing and you will be blessed.
3. I'm really uncomfortable about what you did, but I hope you've learned your lesson.
4. I knew what kind of person you are when I met you, but I didn't know your game was that tight.
5. I don' t know what you wanted from me, but the fact that you haven't called says a whole lot.
6. You're starting to irritate me.
7. I wish you would quit fakin and just be you.
8. I love you.
9. Why do you keep popping up in my dreams?
10. I'm sorry.

Sometimes it helps to just say some things. Take them as you want.

What to do?

Faith~Mesmerized

Well this was an interesting weekend full of ups and downs. I'm sure it would take too much time to go into detail, so I'll just put in the most interesting points. Went to this bar called McFadden's with my homie Holly. She was telling me she had such a good time there the last time she came because the black dudes there aren't interested in black girls anyway so you don't have to worry about gettin hit on.

What happened? We get hit on. This dude comes up to us, obviously drunk, trying to get to know us. I'd say he's about 50.....OK 40 and he comes to right under my bosom. Y'all know I don't go for the short ones or the old ones. He offers to buy me a drink, but I'm still workin on my second drink and I don't wanna 'owe' him anything.

He starts whispering stuff to Holly:
"I LOVE HERRRR! But she don't want me, she won't let me buy her a drink"
She tells him I'm married and tries to explain why I'm not wearing my ring. Holly: "You're funny! Like Bobby Brown!" He doesn't get it. Holly lets him buy her a drink and I split hers. And he finally leaves but through out the evening he comes back like three more times. Then the kicker is when he proceeds to try and give me a lap dance. I would have been traumatized if I wasn't so tipsy that I was crackin up at the whole thing.

Why is it when you're not open to anyone, that's when people come around? I've got a lotta things on my mind right now including trying to live and I just stopped talking to someone I really cared about so anyone that comes around its just like 'Eh not interested'. I mean I'm human if someone fine is tryin to talk to me, Ima entertain the thought but in the end, its nothing. My friends are tryin to hook me up with guys and they have all the right credentials, but this would not be the best time to get into something. I would end up hurting them because I know I'm not all there.

Man, when I was chillin before where were all these men? Nowhere to be found! Just seems like a big set up. This happened to me last summer too. I met a great guy. He was nice, clean, cute and a gentlemen, but he didn't take my mind off this other guy who I was no longer involved with and it didn't work out.

Ahh well...I think its best if I'm on my own for awhile. That whole 'if you fall off the horse get back on' thing doesn't work for me. It only makes things worse.

We did spend some time with the neighbors yesterday. They bought food because they're bachelors and they figure since we're girls we can cook. Which is not true in all cases but in this case it is. I'm just getting back into cooking. t h e o r y pointed out to me that I stopped cooking once she moved in.

I was busy, OK?!

Luckily, their bad influence friends weren't there. I think Adrianne has a crush on one of 'em. Too bad his roommate is in love with her, that just makes things more difficult. This one has pretty teeth and he's too smooth for his own good. He has that cockiness she likes. Talkin bout a Love Triangle.

I finally got my CD's. My favorite song is on Tweets' new album Its me again, Cab Ride. Its got the theme from taxi in it, so cute. There's even a song called Where do we go from here. And a song describing me now. I'm done.

I’m in no need for love
Stretched this sister more than a mile
It’s not for me because there’s no trust in love, so I’m restin’ a while
How could u do me this way, love?I can’t recall how you made me smile
And I don’t have time to play (with ya)
If I see ya, make it worth my while
Until then... I'm done

No need for love
Unless it’s Mr., oh, Mr. Right (Mr. Right)
And only because
Mixin’ lust with love only mean a fight
Cuz there’ll be dues to pay (pay, yeah)
And most of all many sleepless nights
But that won't be today, no
Guess I’ll see ya, looove, it’s been nice
Until then...I'm done

When I get a new CD, I study it. From the producers to the writers to the lyrics. Turns out Tweets' real name is Charlene Keys. hmm. Its a good CD though.

Didn't think this entry would be this long......

I hope that you're the one

Outkast~ Prototype

Aol really puts you through a lot to cancel that membership. I mean if my computer wasn't on life support. I'd still have a membership. And actually I was still kinda considering it. They're some crafty lil devils over there.

Seems like I just can't sleep at night anymore. Even when I wake up early, I still can't go to sleep at night. I'll start doing yoga before bed. That's enough breathing exercise to put you in a coma plus increase flexibility. *wink*

I've been at my homegirl's for the last three days. It's not like I have anything else to do people. Don't judge me!.......... Anyway, ever since that porn popped up on the screen when I accidently sat on the remote I don't mess with the VCR unless she asks me to record something. Right now she's got me taping these soaps which means I have to watch them too. I don't like soaps. They're one big tease after another.

There's probably plenty of stuff I could be doing, but they require money that I don't have. Like cooking and I want another scrapbook but I might just work with the one I have.

I've been having these really strange dreams lately. One where the President and I are hangin out real tight and if I'm not mistaken.....he's starts flirting with me. EW!

Can't hang out with the neighbors no more. Don't feel like runnin round the neighborhood, there's been one too many shootings lately.

OMG! In the midst of my boredom, I decided to browse the facebook groups and I found a TEEDRA MOSES fan group. Of course I had to join! Oh I'm so excited. I burned my first copy of her CD, but that is only because I couldn't find the real thing anywhere. But as soon as I get the chance I'm buying the real one cus she is the TRUTH.

Oh boy!

Common~ The Corner


Well there have been new developments concerning our neighbors. I don't think we will be hanging out as much......Let's just leave it at that.

That's why I don't talk to that many strangers.

I can't believe somebody tried to break into my homie's car last night. I think they must be tryin to be destructive or something. It's not like there was bangin sound system in it. Plus there has a been a string of vandalism in the neighborhood lately.

What I have to look forward to: I ordered a couple new CD's because I'm tired of listening to the same old CD's. Even though I can't really afford them right now because that electric bill comes first.

Would you be my neighbor?

Musiq~ Halfcrazy


It all started with that patio set......Now its erupted into a phenomenon! We have been on that porch almost every night since we got it. Good times though. Ya know the deal......dancin on cars, talking about life and the future under the candlelight and the stars. Its very calming.

Yesterday we had an all out feast for the holiday. Adrianne feels you gotta do that on Sundays and holidays. One of the neighbors came by to harass t h e o r y. She stuck her head out the front door to see our neighbor chillin on the patio set like its his.

Neighbor: Put some drawers on or somethin! Look I got some chicken marinatin and I bought some sodas tell me if y'all need me to get anything else.

Basically he invited himself to our barbecue, but he brought food. Plus he's mad cool and really funny. I think he has a lil crush on Adrianne, but she's so very mean to him. He and his buddies sat out with us all night just talkin and laughin. Hope we ain't disturb the other neighbors too much. We didn't even see any fireworks this year, but I still had a good time regardless. Besides once you've seen one fireworks show, you've seen them all.

Man, its so sad Luther died this weekend. He was the best. I watched almost everytime they showed his Portrait in Black on BET. Made me wanna run out and get his compilation CD.

I shole do love me a marathon. Just about any marathon that was on this weekend, I watched it. I could have never watched the show ever but if there's a marathon, I'll watch it.

Summertime

Cam'ron~Down & Out

You know what happens when you sit outside? You meet people. I've been living in my apartment a little over a year now and I met almost all my neighbors last night. t h e o r y had a spontaneous moment and went out to buy porch furniture. Of course my friend with the lil booty shorts didn' t hurt. We had a great time! It was beautiful. The low lights of the mosquito lamp. Listening to the radio. Even had a lil impromtu poetry night. Next week, poetry circle at 28B.*snap, snap, snap*

Me and Chele went to the club the other day and I actually had a good time.

1. I got in free.
2. I played pool and won! ( I haven't played in a long time. Good to know I still got it.)
3. I didn't dance with anyone. I'm gettin more and more irritated with strangers touching me. Plus last time my girl got cornered and assaulted on the dance floor and she was traumatized. If I had gotten traumatized I wouldn't be going back.
4. I love watching people. It so much fun watchin people get down.

This one guy did a hand- shakin, trickle down, Prince-like move with his hands. It was off the chain! And then watching people hook up, dudes spittin game. For example: "Ay if you want some shoes, I work in the shoe department at Hecht's." WEAK!

I got a text while watching the pool game from Tiff.

"U ain't gone meet Exodus at the club." The man I'm supposed to marry........ She's so silly!

I saw that Being Bobby Brown. *shaking my head* It is a mess. A BIG OL MESS! I'll never watch it again. He reminds me of my father except his kids still respect him even though he's been to jail a number of times. That's one thing I can say about my father he's never been to jail. He's not a criminal, he's just stupid. But the situations that Bobby was gettin in..... He's too old to be doing some of that stuff. Ew and I wanted to gag watching him and Whitney smooching all the time. Gross!