I should never doubt that God hears me, but I do. Yesterday at church was just evidence that He definitely does hear me. And trust me, if He hears me He hears you too. My Nicole and I were just talking about our current status. We felt like the fire was gone out our walk with God. It felt like I couldn't go back to what I used to do but how do I go forward. It was really frustrating to the point where I just wanted to be like forget it.
I didn't want to go to church yesterday. I'd had a bad night altogether. I get really cranky when I don't get sleep. I have to pray about my husband because if I sleep near someone who snores I start thinking violent thoughts. I have never acted on them, but I do think them. Anyway, I was way sluggish, didn't wanna go. My friends and I sat way in the back being cynical about everything. Then my Bishop began his sermon. "Have you ever needed a 'right now' miracle?" Yes, I need one now. I'm paraphrasing here but he was basically talking about how we are so used to 'waiting for our miracle' that sometimes we need to get down right demanding and say, 'God I need my miracle now!'.
There are times in the Bible where people said to God, I really need you to show up now. And their faith is so in it that He does. Its a desperate time. I'm tired of being stuck in the middele. A new year is coming and we only have 44 days until the end of this one. He wrapped it up by saying we need to pray God's plan. Whatever he promised you is what you pray. Well if you say 'God has never spoken to me', sit and think for awhile, it will come to you. Sometimes He speaks through others. We really have to take the time and listen. Life gets way too busy. I'm taking the time to listen to God.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Where to begin?
So this is sort of a continuation of what I was talking about in the last post. It's not exactly but its in the same stream of consciousness for me. Cole and I were talking and I am glad to see I am not alone in my thoughts. She is my fraternal twin after all. Now what we were talking about is basically what my last blog is about. Where are the MEN? Why are we having to push men into responsibility? They are the head of the household. Why aren't they taking charge? Although from a biblical standpoint women are supposed to birth the vision, but what if the man has no vision? That's why its important for a man to have a relationship with God. God will give him the vision. Women support the vision. Haha! Now I understand why cheerleaders are women. We're always the ones saying you can do it or go for it.
Anyway, I just wanna talk to some men and ask why they are shrinking from repsonsibility. Even from the very first approach. You find a lot more women are making the first move and that has NEVER been me. And this is what's so messed up: the ones that are clear about what they want and where they are going, we don't want them. Perhaps their vision needs to get a bit clearer?
Which somehow brought me here. I want a relationship with God, but I've been seriously slacking. I haven't been reading my Bible or praying like I should. But its getting too routine and that's not a relationship. That's obligation. That's not what God wants. I've been thinking and thinking about this. How do I get past this to the deeper stuff? I've been putting crap before God and expecting Him to take it. And even though I know this, what am I doing to get there? What is hindering me?
This is what I found. My desires. I still want to be seen as a sex object. I be wanting to do those Pussycat Doll Beyonce Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader moves. I love to party. I just wanna get drunk sometimes. But I don't. Why? Because I know its stupid. It doesn't lead to anything but destruction. This is what the Bible says. A man is dragged away and enticed by his own desires (James 1:14). So we have to inspect our desires. Even when they seem to be godly desires, are they really? And why do I still desire do these other things? Those who have their mind on the Spirit want what the Spirit desires.
No doubt God has done some amazing things in the last 11 months. But to get to that next level I feel like I'm gonna have to do something else. Its going to have to be a Spiritual breaking. And its gonna hurt. But like any other bootcamp, where's the drill sergeant? Where's my made coach? Cus clearly if I'm depending on just me it ain't gone happen. I'm beleiving God is going to send someone. Just like this last Sunday I was not gonna go to church. I had a meeting at work that morning and I had to go back to work later. I was just like forget it, I can miss one day. Well, then I get a phonecall from one of my co-workers asking if she can ride with me. That's accountability there. So I went. But I don't want to get into the routine. Me and God still have some talking to do.
Anyway, I just wanna talk to some men and ask why they are shrinking from repsonsibility. Even from the very first approach. You find a lot more women are making the first move and that has NEVER been me. And this is what's so messed up: the ones that are clear about what they want and where they are going, we don't want them. Perhaps their vision needs to get a bit clearer?
Which somehow brought me here. I want a relationship with God, but I've been seriously slacking. I haven't been reading my Bible or praying like I should. But its getting too routine and that's not a relationship. That's obligation. That's not what God wants. I've been thinking and thinking about this. How do I get past this to the deeper stuff? I've been putting crap before God and expecting Him to take it. And even though I know this, what am I doing to get there? What is hindering me?
This is what I found. My desires. I still want to be seen as a sex object. I be wanting to do those Pussycat Doll Beyonce Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader moves. I love to party. I just wanna get drunk sometimes. But I don't. Why? Because I know its stupid. It doesn't lead to anything but destruction. This is what the Bible says. A man is dragged away and enticed by his own desires (James 1:14). So we have to inspect our desires. Even when they seem to be godly desires, are they really? And why do I still desire do these other things? Those who have their mind on the Spirit want what the Spirit desires.
No doubt God has done some amazing things in the last 11 months. But to get to that next level I feel like I'm gonna have to do something else. Its going to have to be a Spiritual breaking. And its gonna hurt. But like any other bootcamp, where's the drill sergeant? Where's my made coach? Cus clearly if I'm depending on just me it ain't gone happen. I'm beleiving God is going to send someone. Just like this last Sunday I was not gonna go to church. I had a meeting at work that morning and I had to go back to work later. I was just like forget it, I can miss one day. Well, then I get a phonecall from one of my co-workers asking if she can ride with me. That's accountability there. So I went. But I don't want to get into the routine. Me and God still have some talking to do.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
A lil movie analysis
What looks stupid to everyone else, might actually be genius. So I was watching Love and Basketball today and I got a lil more in depth. The first thing I noticed was that when Omar Epps broke up with Sanaa in college, she took all the blame even though he was being stupidly selfish. She even said, "Whatever I did, we can fix it."
Me, I woulda been like,"Oh so that's it for us? Aight, I'll holla at you." And even though she was on the verge of begging he still broke up with her.
When we cut to the final scene and they're playing one on one for his heart. She looks really desperate. She is desperate. And I'm thinking what about your pride? What about being an independent woman of the millenium? What if she had never even tried to get him back. He would have ended up married to Tyra and divorced in a couple years. Sanaa woulda been working at the bank, going from job to job, probably single for a couple years or forever.
Although she looked stupid on the outside and it seemed she was losing faith by the end, she had to be mad confident to do it. She knew he was making a mistake. She knew he was for her. What could have been going through his head? Could he not see that they were meant to be? Had he given up?
Men move on so fast to anything new, whether its good for them or not. Seems like you have to hit them over the head to get them to see what you see. And I love the song at the end, "You make a fool of me." Cus it looks like that. But it also reminds me of a song by Sade "Love is stronger than pride".
I mean thats not the end of analysis. I still gotta connect it with the Lord and trust me I see connections. Women birth out the man's vision, thats why we have the womb. But we're not supposed to take things into our own hands that's how Sarah got into that mess with Hagar. Sometimes you feel helpless when it comes to things in life. That's when you have to trust God has a plan and be confident when it comes time for you to do your part, you'll be ready.
Me, I woulda been like,"Oh so that's it for us? Aight, I'll holla at you." And even though she was on the verge of begging he still broke up with her.
When we cut to the final scene and they're playing one on one for his heart. She looks really desperate. She is desperate. And I'm thinking what about your pride? What about being an independent woman of the millenium? What if she had never even tried to get him back. He would have ended up married to Tyra and divorced in a couple years. Sanaa woulda been working at the bank, going from job to job, probably single for a couple years or forever.
Although she looked stupid on the outside and it seemed she was losing faith by the end, she had to be mad confident to do it. She knew he was making a mistake. She knew he was for her. What could have been going through his head? Could he not see that they were meant to be? Had he given up?
Men move on so fast to anything new, whether its good for them or not. Seems like you have to hit them over the head to get them to see what you see. And I love the song at the end, "You make a fool of me." Cus it looks like that. But it also reminds me of a song by Sade "Love is stronger than pride".
I mean thats not the end of analysis. I still gotta connect it with the Lord and trust me I see connections. Women birth out the man's vision, thats why we have the womb. But we're not supposed to take things into our own hands that's how Sarah got into that mess with Hagar. Sometimes you feel helpless when it comes to things in life. That's when you have to trust God has a plan and be confident when it comes time for you to do your part, you'll be ready.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Will this hold you over?
Not to tease y'all, I just felt obligated to write a lil something since I've been on the internet for so long today. I've caught up on my facebook, myspace, back account and everyone else's blog. I feel like I've missed out on so much. People have gotten into relationships, broken up, into new organizations, quit jobs. Where have I been? Work. Yeah, I'm not about let this take over my life. It's time to regain control. Basically that's where I'm at right now.
I didn't even think I would be able to form a complete sentence let alone write a whole blog. I just wanna let y'all know I miss you. Yes I do. I don't have the energy it would take to catch up with everyone so I just haven't done it. I am exhausted. That's all I have to give.
I didn't even think I would be able to form a complete sentence let alone write a whole blog. I just wanna let y'all know I miss you. Yes I do. I don't have the energy it would take to catch up with everyone so I just haven't done it. I am exhausted. That's all I have to give.
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