Living everyday to the fullest....eh not really

When I should be trying to take advantage of every last day I have with my Hampton folks....I'm not. I'm working my butt off trying to get some money in the bank before I leave.

I was talking to my cousin on the phone and after we'd hung up, she calls back and tells me seriously pray on this whole moving matter because she just wants me to be where God wants me to be. So I instantly think Is she having doubts? Does she think I shouldn't move back home? What would be my alternative? I can't change my mind now! So I decided to get serious about this decision and so I decided to fast so that I could hear from God more clearly. What should I fast from? Not food, I can't afford to lose anymore weight. What else do I do? So I decided to fast from TV. And I only allowed myself an hour a day. Yesterday was my first day on this fast. I figured I'd get so much more done without TV. I ate and fell asleep at 10pm. So me concentrating on what God has to tell me isn't going so well. But tomorrow is my first day off, we'll see how that goes. Pray for me y'all. I don't wanna be disobedient. I'm still not feeling going home, but I don't wanna stay here either.

Last week while everyone went home for Thanksgiving I stayed and my girl Adrianne let me babysit her Cougar. I've always known it was a blessing to have a car, but its just sooo great. I also found that would be as close to being late as I possibly could. That's not good. On Thanksgiving Day, I ate with my girls Kiana and Yanni. We did it up big. We had wayyy too much food, but that's how its supposed to be on T-day. This week, I'm back on the bus and trying to be appreciative. It's oh so hard.

My temporary boyfriend is back. The neighbor. He's been on the boat forever. I refuse to call him my boyfriend. Adrianne does it because she knows I hate it. Chris says he's just trying to get in my pants. He could be right. All these movies and ice cream is just sexual inuendo (is that how you spell it?). Eh, well keep em coming, try really hard because I could benefit from this.

True Happiness

I feel so overwhelmed by how blessed I am. I truly could not have asked for a better group of friends. Scratch that, I don't have any friends. I have a big family. This is my love letter to you all. I don't call just anyone my friend. These are the people I have adopted into my heart. I take them everyday as who they are. No doubt, they can get on my nerves to the very core, but with family you gotta forgive and move on. And don't get me wrong, I need a break every now and then just like everyone else. But when I look back on how they have supported me and loved me, I get very emotional. So here's to you...Tiffani, Milyaka, Adrianne, Holly, Kiana, Kyhra, Reese, Danielle, Larry, Michele, Donnie, Crystal, Chris (yeah you too), Aaron, Jessica, Sigele, Kory. I love you guys so much, I just wanna say thank you and thank God for sending you to me.

My kinda Friday

What am I doin on this crispy Friday night? We sittin out on the balcony with some hot cocoa and the laptop, listening to music, watchin the neighborhood happen. As Adrianne just told me, I sure am a cheap date. That's what I keep telling people! I'm not hard to please at all! Last Friday we went out for dinner and a movie. Which consisted of Adrianne packin up some fried chicken wings and some macaroni and cheese in a shoe box and watchin The Wizard of Oz at the laundromat. It was a good time! This is what we do. I'ma miss this kinda stuff.

Got reconnected with an old friend which was a real surprise to me because he popped up at my job. He was the last person I expected to see, but at the same time part of me expected it. I'd had a dream that morning that I saw him and just so happens there he was. Kinda scary. I be knowing things. It was a good time.

Me and Tiff decided we could have a section of the blog called Stupid things said by Arienne and Tiffani. I won't put her out there this time, but just know its coming because I'm building a collection in my mind.

Thats all I got right now, my fingers are going numb.

Giving Up?

I don’t wanna say giving up, more like coming to my senses. It truly pays to never say never. I said I’d never go back to Tulsa, Ok. I said it was NOT an option. I said that I would go anywhere else but back to Tulsa. Now I’m gonna eat my words because I’m going back. At least for awhile. I can’t save any money here. I can’t get a car which I really need. My mother presented the option to me, that I could save some money without the pressure of extra bills. In OK, I would have access to a car whereas while I’m here every time I wanna go somewhere I feel like I’m bothering someone and most of the time I am. And even though I’ve gotten used to taking the bus to work, I don’t know how to get anywhere else on it. Besides, its not very time efficient. Who wants to wait an hour for a ride that may or may not come when your errand only takes five minutes. I can’t look for another job because I don’t have the internet. I don’t have the internet because my computer is a dinosaur. My computer is a dinosaur because I can’t afford to get a new one.

I thought it would be less stressful for ME if I was to stay here. I have my own space here, an escape. At home there are people always in my face. No one can irk me like my family. But now I realize that I was being more selfish trying to stay here and straining myself and my family financially. When I could be helping someone else, I was thinking about myself.

I ‘m starting to get excited about going home, being around people who really love me. Like really, really love me. Not that there aren’t people here who love me and who I love, but I feel that in this college culture everyone is looking out for only themselves, including me. I feel like its not productive to my ultimate development.

Even my sister is excited about me coming home. I don’t know where that came from. We’ve always been better sisters in different states. Milyaka, my best friend, has already posted it in the newspapers that I’m on my way. There’s been a lady that comes to my job every week just to tell me I should go home. Since this is what everyone else thinks I should do, it really has made me not want to go. I have a problem with my stubbornness.

I saw the scariest thing on Dr. Phil. Mooching kids. Thirty-six year old adults living with their parents. That is the last thing I want to be. I have enough ambition not lay up under anyone.

Being here has shaped who I am and all I want to do is be independent. Free from depending on anyone and trust me as soon as I can, I’m getting out of there. I don’t want to be sheltered, I don’t want to be the baby, but at the same time I don’t want to become harder than I have to be to survive.

I feel like its all for a reason and I think there is a tremendous lesson for me in OK. So I’m going to see what it is. Tiff is gonna ride cross country with me in a U-haul. My homegirl Danielle has suggested we take a camera. That would be interesting. Can you imagine that? You’re already laughing, I can tell. Will anyone in VA miss me? Of course you will, even if you don’t know it yet.