staying on course

As much as I try to keep from talking about work on here, my life lately has been nothing but. It's all because our regional manager was coming to visit. On Sunday I was at work until 3am waiting for the people to finish cleaning the floors then had to get up and go to a meeting at 7am. Yes, 7am. On my day off. Not only that, but my co-worker calls and tells me I need to come in at 9pm to start preparing for the visit. That doesn't end till 5am and I have to be there at 7am again! Yes, 7am. When I got home, I collasped in the bed which resulted in this 3am post. I have no doubt that I'll fall asleep again. Hopefully I wake up in time to watch One Tree Hill. Thankfully, my boss switched off days with me and I'm off today. Which also means that I get to go to church today! I'm excited.

on the bright side?

Whereas the last year or so has been like a drought of men in my life. No men whatsoever. Now I'm getting approached by men that are not even my type. I'm talking short men, possibly gay men. Could this be a good thing? Perhaps God is showing me this is definitely NOT what you want.

How do you answer the question, What kind of guys do you like? Well that was kinda hard for me because I haven't talked to I guy I liked in a long time. And perhaps that needs to be revised to the right kind of man I should like. Not physically, but personality wise.

Tiff was going through her loooong list of pet peeves or things that she did not want in a man. What about you? she asked. I mean good hygiene is a given. As far as physical, taller than me in heels and handsome. Fashion: someone who has his own sense of style. Quirky or preppy, I don't really care. I do love a fresh hair cut. Pet peeve of mine: pet names (sweetheart, baby, boo). Especially if they start too early. Ew. The ultimate sale, someone who I can talk to, hold a conversation with, feel an instant chemistry.

And here's the irony of it all. With all this talk of meeting someone, I don't really care to meet anyone. I don't need any excuse to stay here longer than I have to. So what's all this about? Nothing, just writing...

how can I respect you?

Most would say respect has to be earned. But I think thats because we don't respect each other in the first place.

Tiff quote: They were talking to their, what do you call that spousal group? Oh yeah, parents.

Lately I live at work. I've worked 33 hours this week already and I still have two more days of work to go. Do the math. Thats called a fat check and an exhausted me.

On kinda the same note, I've been feeling strongly the need to pray for my place of employment. Its a strong attack against that place. I was on my way to work one day and found myself deeply stressed and aggravated. It's trying to take over my life. I was mainly upset that I haven't been able to go to church either because I'm at work or too tired to go. I hate being a zombie in church. I'd rather be at home than be in church physically but not mentally. So on my way to work I started to have a pity party for myself and the tears came to the edge of my lashes. Then I felt like the spirit of the Lord was telling me to suck it up and I did. Just like that. I surprised myself. It was sorta like when your parents would tell you,"Quit that crying and fix your attitude before you walk up in there." In that split second He showed me that I'm an example for my employees and a reflection of Him. So I fixed my attitude. Little did I know I was walking into breakdown central and needed to be the tower of strength, so to speak. Praise God for a voice of reason and a relationship or I'd be leading breakdown central with the biggest, stankiest attitude of them all and breakdown of my own to maintain.

Today however was almost the straw to break the camel's back. As soon as I walked in, disaster after disaster. One client commented to me,"Well things can't get any worse." I smiled and said, "Let's hope not." So now do I just expect disaster and roll with it or do I work to find out how to minimize it? Maybe a little bit of both.

Just the start...

Well I have been one busy diva! Just got back from Houston this week for a store opening. It was so much fun. The company you're with can make or break a trip. Thankfull,y I was with a group of girls who were all jokes. Kept things from getting too stressful. And I'm all about taking trips away from my job. It starts to get so monotonous.

Anyway, on to deeper subjects. I often fall asleep thinking of really deep stuff which sometimes leads to me not being able to sleep till later. I've been reading this book called A Heart Ablaze. I got the book because my Twelve is watching the dvd series and I couldn't get to all the meetings. It's mad deep. It focuses on having a heart on fire for God. Well I was like, I definitely want that. One of the things he said was, "God did not put Adam in the garden to have a worldwide ministry." He was there to walk with God in the cool of the day. We were created to have an intimate relationship with God. And it gets deeper, trust me.

So this leads me to night waking thoughts. What is it really to be lukewarm? Am I lukewarm? God hates lukewarm more than anything. He said, I'd rather you be hot or cold. Better you be cold and know it than think you're hot and not be. Or be pretending to be all about Him and you're not. I constantly check myself or get checked. And its hard getting checked. Kind of a shock to your self esteem. I've found myself have to be built back up by God. It's worth it.

Suffering

This question was in my mind as I lay down to sleep last night. When is the right time to choose suffering? Jesus had a choice to be delivered from the cross. He could have just thought of some other way to bring awareness about God. He didn't even want to die. But it had to happen to make atonement for our sin.

In my life I've had several instances where I could have taken the easy road or taken a much more uncomfortable road. I, of course, took the easy road. Who paid for my choice? Who was NOT changed because I didn't want to be uncomfortable?

This is a question for God, but if you have any scriptural basis or any thoughts please post them.

Let's get real

So at this point, I have no reason not to be completely one hundred with my audience. You have seen me at some really low points. And if you haven't just go through the archives, I haven't erased anything. I feel the urge to fully express myself but with respect to those involved I'll try and keep some things private.

When I came back to OK after school I had every intention of "getting right" with the Lord. For one reason I felt there were no distractions here for me. And even more than equipping me with a church that would teach me how connect with God, He gave me what I felt was a team. Support to walk this thing out, which is something I felt like I didn't have while I was in school. Thus the reason I blamed my blacksliding on.

And where I am almost two years later, I no longer have that team. I think I threw a pity party for myself for about two weeks. Then I really started to pray. My whole concern is what in the world allows justification for back sliding when you have a church and support to help you walk out your salvation? Well, if I don't know anything else I now know that it is a personal decision to follow God. And we make that decision everyday. It's easier than you think to fall off. I think its like being always being in a crowd of people and still feeling lonely. If you don't have that personal relationship with God, which means allowing Him to be God, then you don't know you have someone who always with you. If nothing else, losing my team has taught me that at the beginning and end of the day I have to know that God is there and not to depend on people to keep me saved. Only I affect my walk with the Lord.

The reason I backslid two years ago was not because I didn't have support. (Well thats not the only reason) It's mostly because there was something I wanted to experience and I didn't realize at the time that it wasn't worth the experience. Although it would have been great to have the resources that I have today and had when I actually decided to follow Christ, if I didn't make the decision then that I was going to follow Him no matter what, it wouldn't have made a difference.

So to my sisters, its not that I don't miss you or love you that I'm not around as much. And to tell you the truth it has very little to do with your extra-curricular activities. I don't even really know what you're doing these days and vice versa. I'm not worried about being brought down, I want to be built up. I make no apologies for my decision. I could have continued to just sit and shake my head at you, but I was not helping you. You may not understand it, but I don't understand yours either. No matter what I'm still on your team, your support for the right things. And although I'd rather there not be any friction between us, it seems to be inevitable because we disagree on a deeper level. And we could hang out, but it wouldn't make sense. Even if you see it as being selfish, what better reason to be selfish about than who you're in covenant with? Just so you know I'm not looking for any new best friends, you guys are truly irreplaceble. There are no words for how I feel for the two of you. And if I have to be alone right now, it's cool for me. I take for granted nothing that we all shared and I still believe we have untapped levels to discover together. I think this separation is to teach each one of us something and for me its not to forget my most important relationship is with Him. I pray that it is only for a short season that we are not together.

Start again

Perhaps if we begin to think of every birthday as a new beginning and not the end of an era, it might inspire us to do new things. My birthday is a few months off, I can't wait to see what the 25th will bring. What new things will start to sprout up in my life? I have started thinking about the next step in my life. Something completely different than what I've done before. It's an exciting time.

I've started thinking about grad school or maybe even art school. Maybe starting over in a new city, which actually doesn't excite me all that much. Not as much as it did when I first left for college. I'm not as eager to meet new people, but I realize that is inevitable. I am giving myself six months to settle into the idea. And all of this is null and void if the Lord sets me in another direction.

I've noticed how much of a distraction my television is and therefore I am turning it off more than I am turning it on. Lucky for you guys that means more blog time! YAY! I'll keep you abreast of any developments.

Life as it is

My mind went back to a list that my spiritual mom had us write out in Bible study one night. I believe it was family and friends who needed to be saved. Well I saw my Dad tonight and he told me he went to church on Sunday. When he told me what the message was and that he realized he needed a change I was just praising God on the inside. Seeing people actually start to see Him is a wonderful and beautiful thing.


On a random note: I just wonder how it would affect society if as adults we were allowed to have recess as a part of the work day. Just to have half an hour to go out on the swings or get on the merry go round. To actually see people let loose. I think it'd be awesome.

random thoughts

These "models" online who have professional pictures online. Who are they modeling for? Do they have an agency? Are they getting paid for these pics? What would Tyra say? Looks like an excuse to get oiled up and take off their clothes to me.

Dag it sucks that I can't remember some of my 'friends' on facebook and myspace. Nope not even a remnant of a memory.

I gotta get a better job so I can travel more....

What did that dream mean last night. I had a great car in it though. Tv's in the doors.

It's funny how some people just seem to pop back into your life right on time. Like now.... I was just expecting to hear from you.


Why have I not moved from this spot in three hours? OK OK I'm going....
I keep hearing songs from freshman year. Makes me miss the dorms and those lock-ins at Student Center. The most awesome year ever. 2001!

Beautiful day wasted resting

Well today was my one day off. Unfortunately I spent it sleeping and semi watching television in and out of consciousness. It seems that I may have caught something. I thought it might have been allergies or lack of sleep or maybe a combo. So I've been kinda drugged up all week. Taking Sudafed, Claritin, Theraflu and Advil. I hate being sick. But I need to get better by tomorrow because I have to work.

This girl at my job went to the hospital for dehydration and probably exhaustion as well. I think I know how she feels. Earlier in the week I felt like my body turned on my from lack of sleep/coffee/lack of food combination. The job ain't worth it y'all. No job is. I'll no longer be sick from over working myself or worrying. I've been meditating on that verse Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious for anything but by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I really like that. Peace guarding my heart and my mind.

Buy me a drank?

As much as I hate T-Pain's music if the title fits, wear it!


I was awakened this morning by a question. Three actually. Then I went back to sleep. Then I was awakened again with a task. Now that I actually had to get up and complete that task, I'm back to at least offer some thought to the first question. Can there be such a thing as a Christian owned liquor store? It wasn't my question people, but I'm gonna attempt to answer. Well to tell you the truth, if there are any they aren't using that as a selling point. And it would either be a very popular store for all the Christians who felt any conviction for going to the liquor store in the first place or not successful at all because people feel convicted just by going in. Can you imagine walking in and hearing, "We fall down, but we get up."?

Now as drinkers love to point out the Bible says nothing about drinking being wrong only getting drunk. At the time it was customary to have wine with meals. They didn't have soda, purified water or artificial fruit juices. Nor any way store juice. If they did make juice it probably got fermented and ended up as wine anyway.

My thing about drinking was always this. I never really liked the taste of alcohol. Which is why I drank hard liquor. After awhile you can't even taste it. Even those lil fruity mixed drinks theres a trace of the alcohol taste. Gotta drink a couple to not get any taste. But the real kicker is those that you can't even taste the alcohol. They get you drunk before you finish the bad boy. Now when I even get a lil buzzed, it don't feel right. I'm not saying I felt this way earlier this year or even a month ago. Because I missed the taste of something I didn't even like in the first place I tried wines thinking it wasn't gonna be that bad. It wasn't even worth it! They all taste the same to me! I don't get it.

Anyway, for me the point of drinking was always to get drunk. I still feel that way. What's the point of drinking at all if you ain't gone get buzzed. Its a tease. And me, I'm all or nothing. So I choose nothing. It's not a good look. And I'm not sure it would be for Christian liquor store, but thats me. The could justify that they're just getting all the riches from the wicked thats stored for the righteous. You know thats in the Bible.

And the answer to the second and third questions:

Sponges firstly came from simple sea animals called poriferans, which are macerated to leave the squishy "skeletal" inside, which is full of tiny, water-holding pockets. The softness of natural sponges varies with the species. Synthetic sponges were later developed out of man-made materials, were able to hold slightly more water, and could be produced in more uniform shapes and sizes. Synthetic sponges and natural sponges are both prone to collect bacteria, but some man-made sponges are designed to be more resistant. Like the loofah, it is best to machine wash a sponge about once a week.

The nylon mesh sponge, or "pouf", is made from a nylon net bunched together into a ball. Its recent popularity can be linked to its being both gentle on the skin but abrasive enough for good lathering; and because there are no hidden chambers, the life of the shower pouf is lengthened, since it doesn`t fall prey to grime as easily as other sponges.

Happy Birthday to me !!

Well not exactly, but it is my half-birthday. In exactly six months I will be 25 years old. So I think its an appropiate time to reflect on the first sixteenth of my life. To tell you the truth, it coulda been better. Its my own fault though. But you better believe the next five years are gone be off the hook. The most fabulous five consecutive years of my life to date. And its only gonna get better from there. Done with the boys (boys not men), done with the hang- overs, done with teen/early twenties drama. If I ever really thought I was grown before.....No this is real grown. I can actually rent a car on my own. Car insurance goes down! Businesses actually consider me responsible enough not to charge me an arm and a leg to cover themselves.

I got goals people and if I keep putting them off I'll be trying to do them in between kids. I've already seen that does not work. Procrastination is over!!! Good-bye to you! Yeah I expect you to watch me. I may have some things go on. As I said everybody goes through stuff. But I'm strong, I'll come out rejuvenated. I know who God is! I'm getting excited.

Has anybody seen this whole automatic bank Monopoly? How lazy are we people? Can we even count our Monopoly money anymore? Thats why people like me can't even do simple math. Then again maybe it will make the game go faster. You know Monopoly takes days to finish.

The Holy Spirit will tell on you

Yes, the Holy Spirit is a tattle-tell. And He don't just go and tell everybody, only the responsible ones who will pray for you. In short, Sarah doesn't know anything (in detail). Mil didn't even tell her. The Holy Spirit told her and you confirmed it.

I remember when I was going through my craziness. I remember now how my best friend backed way up from my life. At the time I hardly even realized that she was gone because I was caught up in my mess. Even when she tried to help me, in her way, it didn't work. She wasn't even equipped to handle what I was going through. No one around me was. Eventually, I stopped being hard headed and listened to what God was trying to teach me. And He had to be the one to teach me. Took a whole year and a whole lotta heartbreak just come back to Him. Then it took a whole nother year to learn how to heal. Now I'm finally in the growth process.

All people go through things, should I be sympathetic? Yes probably. I can see now that some are not as strong as others and one of three things happens. Seek ways of escape to forget what your going through like I did and end up just as weak. End up going through the same things and get frustrated and you're still weak. Come out of the situation and learn from it, get stronger and go through something else to strengthen another weak area.

The devil will always make a fool out of you. He don't like you and he's better at the sin game. The only way to win is not to play. You end up in the same situation that brought you to the altar the first time or worse.

Even though my best friend took a major break from me, she was always there. And she still loved me even though I know she got mad frustrated at my stupidity. To this day, she's still there even long distance. I'm learning how to not be there and be there at the same time. Always loving, always praying and still here.

Has anybody seen this guy?

Tiff and I trying to find a friend from school. We had another life in Hampton. He was one of the guys we said could be involved in our threesome if that ever happened. For some reason guys always wanted to have threesomes with us. I mean it was never a possibility, but it were we joked he would be one of em. We've got several leads. Tiff found a his phone number in her basement. I called, but no luck. A couple years ago we thought of putting out an Amber alert for him. Can you do that for a grown man?

Just so you know, the threesome thing is not the reason why we want to find him. He's a really cool guy and somebody we lost contact with and never heard from again. Get your mind out of the gutter!

I met him three times. I think the third time it stuck because I was making out with his roomate at the time. He used to smoke. A LOT. He had class with Tiff so it probaly took the first week for him to remember her. Its possible he may have forgotten us both by now.

I try keep up with people but I feel like I'm the worst at it. I'm ok with asking friends of friends how people are doing. As long as they are still alive, its cool with me. Who really wants to have the catch up convo? It takes too much time.

Homecoming should be interesting. I'm definitely going this year. I already talked to my boss about it. I better hop on that plane ticket so she can't renig. Lots of people I haven't seen in awhile. Maybe we'll find that old friend. But I haven't even thought about the people I don't really want to see. Oh well. I'm actually gonna go. Cole you coming? I hate to leave Brit behind! Darn that nursing school! Perhaps she could be sick for a weekend.......If not we'll go back in the spring.

I'm about to shine

So this is my day off. I worked about 14 hrs yesterday getting ready for a visit from our district manager. Since I've been promoted, I felt it was my responsibility to not leave the store a complete wreck. So I'm recooperating from it all and trying to take care of the stuff you don't have time for after work. Making sure the car note was paid. Check. Cancelling some whack benefit I found on my account that I did not authorize. Check. Cancelling another needless charge. Check. It's crazy how they try and make you feel guilty about how you spend YOUR money. Plus tell me why all customer service people are foreigners? I can't understand them and they can't understand me. It's a conspiracy I tell you.

So this week I had to teach at my discipleship group's meeting. Last week with the news of one of my favorite's evangelists being physically abused by her husband, I started to think about how we tend to label people from what we know about them. Her husband, a bishop and pastor, is now labeled as a 'wife beater'. Yes, he broke the law and that will be taken care of accordingly. What we as Christians and people tend to do is put people in a certain category and when they do things outside of that we condemn them. Trust me I do this a lot. My point is we shouldn't. Not with celebrities, leaders or people we don't know. I had this thing against Angelina Jolie. I didn't like her because I felt she stole Jennifer's husband. I did like her movies before this whole thing. I don't know any of them people. And my job is not to judge her, its to love her anyway. How often do you label people you know for real? Even if one of my best friend or mother beat someone to death, I wouldn't label them 'murderer'. Nor should we place anyone on a pedastal. Psalms 146:3-5 says:

3 Do not put your trust in princes,
in mortal men, who cannot save.
4 When their spirit departs, they return to the ground;
on that very day their plans come to nothing.
5 Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the LORD his God

Then we put ourselves in place of judgement and that is not our place. We also start gossiping and calling it news. Because of the what the media calls news, its gets confusing. Imagine if King David was up in this today. He'd be labeled an adulterer. Or Paul would just be a murderer. He'd be a Hitler. He was Hilter before Hitler. God uses us in spite of our stupidity and makes us great.

On another note I try not to be a gossip. But its so hard. Its like you find out stuff and there are people you tell everything. How do you distinguish telling friends about your day and gossip? Well this is how you know: if its not going to help you or the hearer, if you wouldn't say it to that person's face or its to hurt the person its about then its gossip.

I'll leave you with this quote from Tiff:

"Stop the nappy mohawks! Whoever started this needs to stop!!"

As I continue...

So I'm struggling to find worthy content to write about. What's on my mind right now? I really need to find something to teach on Sunday and I don't want it to be whack. I really have to depend on the Lord for this because I don't want it to be from me either. What else? I just got promoted and I'm pretty much doing the job I did before I went full time BUT with a great raise. I want to do a good job and learn more than I did before. I want to milk this job for all its worth. Yes....get all I can get.

I'm ready to move out emotionally, but not quite financially. It's gonna be another month before I can actually bust out this joint.

Oh yes, finding a balance of time, spiritually and healthy living. I haven't gotten that together yet.

So, hopefully you're doing better than I am. But that's life I guess.

Wife em up

This one here's for my girl Cole who's sitting at work with nothing to do but wait for my blog to come back into circulation.

I've been thinking this over for a while. ever since my girl Tiff sent me a convo between her and my big bro from college.

Him: our promise back at Hampton if we are still single at 30 we gettin married. :-)

Tiff: U said Kita, not me..."Kita's wife material".. "Kita would make a good wife"lol..

Him:well she also lives over 500 miles away. I'm just thinking rational here, work with me now.

Cracked me up. Then she told me how there were others saying I was wife material. I wonder what wifely qualities they saw in me at college. Was it the way I dropped it like it was hot at the parties? Was it how I didn't speak? Or maybe it was the way I was loyal to those who had minimal interest in me.

Yeah I don't know what it could have been. But somehow it must be unattractive to be considered wife material these days. Clearly I'm still in a waiting phase. I, like majority of women wanted to be married by 25. And with my birthday a little over 6 months away, it doesn't seem like its gonna happen right away. Unless I meet him tommorow.... It could happen people have some faith! Faith is the substance of things hoped for and evidence of things not seen. I'm definitely hoping and not seeing... yet.

It's no one's fault. Ok... I'll take a lil blame. I could be nicer to men in general. But I refuse to lower my standards.

In the meantime, while I'm supposedly waiting, I'll get busy. I ain't got nothing else to do. How bout I build my credit? Go on a real vacation? Chill. Get some patience.

I rather not talk about being single all the time, but there's no way to avoid it. I think I shall be an open book with nothing to hide. Send me all your single, saved woman inquiries. How am I making it? Just like an alcoholic in rehab... one day at a time.

Yes I know, I'm a random blogger. I'd probably frustrate my loyal readers if I had any. What can I say? I write when I have the time and when I feel it.

I'm getting to the point where God is motivating me to get off my butt and do what I said I wanted to do. I'm focused! Every spare moment is dedicated to research. And as I start to write things down I can see it more. But of course right now I am sittin on my butt.

I gotta go. I hate doin these lil substitute posts. I'll holla at y'all.

Yeah, so?

Yes, I am writing my blog instead of being at church. I got off work half an hour before service starts and I hate to be late to church. This past month has been a blur full of events. I'm praying for my church. Even though I love my church and how it has helped me grow in the past year, there's a shifting going on. I'm just praying that the Lord shows me where I'm supposed to be in the middle of all of this. Actually, He has shown me. I'm supposed to be praying. So what's keeping me? Yeah, that's still the matter at hand. I'm an all or nothing gal. I hate half doing stuff. Rather than do that, I won't do at all.

So, I'm writing it down and maybe it will force me to step my game up. But as far as our college ministry is going, I praise God for what he has done through us. Even though it took sooo much for us to be obedient, from leadership on down. I'm just not sure if its the place for me right now. I'm still seeking God about it. And because I don't know, I don't even wanna sit in the meetings. However, I'm tired of people asking me if everything is OK. No, I'm not out at the club just because I didn't show up to practice. I'm fine, trust. That doesn't mean that I want to tell all y'all my business either. I don't have any business really. Life is pretty simple really. God, friends and work. That's about it.

What's causing so much controversy is that all of my friends have quit and now their waiting on me to follow suit. Now, I'm no follower and I just don't wanna quit which might just be rebellion on my part. I keep thinking perhaps I'm supposed to be there, but I can't even bring myself to go.

Hard as nails

I am really thankful for the Holy Spirit. If it weren't for Him I would be an absolute wench and not care! Because some people need to hear it the hard way and some don't. Sometimes I would feel like if you don't wanna hear the truth, don't ask me. And if you ain't ask I ain't say nothing. But if you DO ask, brace yourself. Once I give it to you, I'm not taking it back.

I had a moment where I may have potentially hurt someone's feelings. Even afterward there was no regret, but I did repent to the Lord. And I asked the Holy Spirit, "Why did I repent? I'm not sorry." So He broke it down for me. Its not what you said, its how you said it and where. It definitely was not said out of love, it was out of frustration. Thank you Holy Spirit.

I would never have apologized. I woulda been like,"Well they just need to get over it." But only because of God did I say I was sorry to that person. I still have a ways to go. But I'm glad I asked God for conviction and advice. I feel much better now.

But for the most part I really don't care what people think about me. I know what God thinks about me and I know I'm awesome. He has instilled a confidence in me that is growing all the time. Do you know how it feels to be completely secure? Its outrageous. Like I said, I still have a ways to go, but its cool. I love being obedient to the Lord. Its really rewarding.

How do I do that?

What do you do when a friend of yours just starts trippin out? Stops answering the phone. Extremely attitudinal. What do you do if this is a friend you haven't known for long? And you don't know their habits? I mean, what I wanna do is hit her upside the head. I asked God what I should do and He said 'Love her'. I was like, OK, but how do I do that?

So, I called her on Tuesday. No answer. Apparently she is answering her phone now, but I don't know what I might say. So I'm not gonna call. I'ma wait till I see her and hope I've calmed down enough not to blow up. I'm praying constantly.

I got this revelation a couple months ago. Nothing in life is personal. The Bible says, For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places Eph 6:12. So basically, the things that happen to you and me have nothing to do with us. It has to do with that spiritual wickedness in the world.

So in keeping with that, I know its not personal. But because I have emotions, it hurts my feelings a lil and that's not easy to do.

The big 2-4

Oh my goodness. I had the best birthday weekend ever!!

Started on Friday when my girls picked me up from work and took me shopping! All I really wanted for my birthday was not to be bothered. Last year I ended up baby-sitting and running around for others. My birthday was basically stolen from me. I took it back this year.

Saturday, I got my hair done (which took most of the day) and we had a candle light ceremony of friendship and I gave my girls lock and key necklaces. I always lost my keys, actually I lose almost everything, so it was a lil inside joke for us. I just told everyone else we got the keys to the Kingdom.

Sunday, my actual birthday, we went to church had a wonderful service. I know I looked fabulous. I got this black dress and wore my hot pink shoes. Great outfit. Anyway afterward, we went to eat and then to the mall. I don't think I've ever had an experience like this in my life. First of all, we only went in for one thing. It was five of us. We walked in like we owned the mall and from the moment we stepped in the door heads were turning. It was sooo crazy. I remember going down the escalator and passing this guy. His eyes and mouth wide open, going from top to bottom saying, "Oh..my.. God".

Yeah that's fabulous.

I just had a really great, awesome weekend.

Exposure brings empowerment

So yeah we had our college Encounter about a week ago. It really awesome and amazingly easy this time. So much more than the last one because God really handled everything. One thing that I got from this Encounter for myself was security. True security. I felt like God was really residing with me the whole time. I really prepared spiritually for this Encounter and it paid off. I saw some gifts manifest in a way that blew me away. And I felt a real connection to the girls in my small group.

One of my friends came and I was really glad to see her. I didn't know how she would react this Encounter, but I had to let God handle it. At first, I knew I hadn't completely given it to God because I was always checking up on her like she was my child. Making sure she was socializing, eating, stuff like that. And then I realized I was starting to take it personally because she wasn't responding in the way that most of the others were responding. Good or bad. So God had to take a sidebar with me. He said, "She's not rejecting you, she's rejecting me. I'll handle this." So I took my hands off of it. When I felt led I talked to her about it. There's a process He takes us through for us to know He's really real and I believe this was the beginning for her.

Lots of things going on. I'm trying to stay consistent as a leader, in life and at work. Time to re-evaluate. Just started taking some classes. A solo vocalist class and a drawing class. I just found out that my teacher worked with Lauryn Hill! L-Boogie! I just saw Dave Chappelle's Block Party and we were all talking about how effortless she made it seem. I'm pumped about it, but its also one more responsibility to add to the pile of stuff I have to do. The drawing class feels like a refresher course. I sorta wish I had taken the digital art class. Maybe next time.

It's pressing time. I feel like lemon getting squeezed. It's tight but its RIGHT!

Aw shucks!

The diva's got hi-speed internet! Now I can't be stopped!!!!! Yeah, let's just see how much time I have to put some thoughts into my blogs. Then Cole can become a fan again.

It's crazy yo!

I've been on a mad long hiatus. I know, I know you missed me. Those of you who still check in on me. Part of the reason is I still have a crappy computer. Partly because I don't have time and finally partly because my mind has been on hiatus. But to update, life is moving. I don't feel stagnate at all. I feel like I am going somewhere and I'm focused.

There are many issues that my friends and I talk about daily. Mainly God and relationships. God is my number one. I mean I have experienced a level with God that I have never been in. I was listening to my friend and she was like, "I would have never thought I'd be this involved in church a year ago. When I started goin to church I made the commitment that I would go EVERY Sunday and maybe some Wednesdays. You know, I was gonna be a great mediocre Christian." And its funny now because we are at church at least 3 times a week. AT LEAST. And we love it!

And people get so caught up in being mediocre Christians because they don't feel like they need to be involved. Like thats only for some people. No! It's vital to living everyday. I ain't mean to come back on here and start preaching. But that's whatsup. God is so many things. So many things! I have realized what is really, really important to me.

So yes, this week we have the Encounter coming up and I'm really excited. It's never what you expect. I love suprises!

I'm starting to draw again, write again. In a couple weeks I be starting this Art program at my church, drawing and singing. Just digging into my gifts and not sitting on them.

Praying about this training program in the summer. It's to be a buyer for a company. That would be the hottest job and I'm perfect for it! So if God gives me the thumbs up to go. I'm out! I pray that I'm prepared to go (mentally, spiritually, and professionally) and that I am able to find a church.

I got many more opinions to share. More thoughts to give. More love to post. But this is my first entry in.....forever. So hopefully I won't stay away too long again.