So ready to go!!!

Amel Larriuex~For Real

Talk about folks comin outta the woodwork! I recieved a voice mail from another guy I knew in high school. This one I actually knew. He was actually my first real kiss. Larry, my roomate says he still asks about me everytime he sees him.( Once you get a taste of this sweet lip....OOO0-WEEE!) I returned his phone call and we actually had a pretty cool conversation. He's not as corny as I thought he was last time I saw him. He gave me some insight into how I used to be in high school. Turns out from some peoples' perspective I was anti-social and unapproachable.......Hmmm. I wasn't what I would call a social butterfly but I wouldn't say anti-social.

I found this very funny, but it could be true. I didn't talk to many people. I was involved in a few extracurricular activities but not many. Anyway turns out he's gonna be in D.C. for the summer. I guess I'll see how he is when he comes to visit.


I had been talking to Chris everyday until recently. I believe I offended him. I'm sorry Chris if I offended you. I didn't mean for it to come out that way. In fact, I didn't say much of what I really intended to say. There was so much more, but I promise it was better. I just wanted you to know what I was going through and usually when I try to explain my feelings it doesn't come out right which is why I usually keep my mouth shut. But I would like to hear what you have to say and have a chance to explain myself and clear things up. So I'll just wait till you're ready to talk.

I will say talking to him everyday was helping in the detox process. I enjoy our lil bickering and banter.

Oh yeah, 8 days and still counting. I'm ready to get out of town. I'm getting more irritated by the minute. Running is my new hobby. At least I'm doing something active rather than sitting around the house getting zombified.

The more time I spend with my niece I realize what a blessing children are........... and how I could not be a mother right now at this point and time in my life. I tried to imagine myself with a child and I don't know if I would be able to make it. I know myself and I would not want to be living in my mother's house with my child. I would want to be in my own place. I would appreciate the help, but its one more thing that would make me feel stuck. My niece is my birth control. She keeps me in line. Thank God for nieces!!

All you Star Wars Geeks!

Mike Jones~Back Then



I didn't write about that "date" I had with old dude. Crash is a great movie. Makes you think. Plus it had like everybody and their mama in there. Black and White. I don't know if I should say what its about because no one told me, I just went and saw it and I loved it. But its a wake up call, that's all Ima say.


I still say old dude has no chance. He wants me to move to Texas so I can be with him and I'm like why? He acts as if we had a love so deep and then we got torn apart when I went to college. Definitely not the case. Sorry buddy. I'm tryin not to be insensitive to his feelings so Ima have to tell him we just need to be homies. Why do I even care? I'll probably never see him again after I leave Tulsa.


I see just about everyone I know is hoppin on this Star Wars Band Wagon. Yes I call you all GEEKS! GEEKS! I've never seen any of the Star Wars movies. They might be aight. But hey I ain't finna start now....


The job hunt continues. Still haven't seen my degree but I know its on the way. Two more weeks left in Tulsa, OK.

Dear Christopher.......

This is Christopher. Aren't we cute? He just mentioned to me how he feels slighted in that he has never been mentioned directly in my blog. Hmmm, well I hate to disappoint anyone so this is for you Chris.


Well, me and Chris used to talk. We don't anymore. He said that he couldn't see us going out due to my communication issues and some other things he won't tell me about. Seeing as how I hate folks in my business I never put that out there. I didn't feel like answering any questions about who's that? Or are y'all together? Plus I didn't wanna get excessive about this guy I liked. Y'all woulda gotten tired of hearing mushy stuff and knowing he'd read this I didn't wanna write about stuff I hadn't already told him yet.

Looking back, it probably woulda been easier for me to go ahead and write about it first then.....Nah he woulda said why didn't you come to me first instead of putting it on the internet. Right, Chris?

Anyways, he was the one that came over that night for late night spaghetti, I nearly molested him during Senior Ball and the Pink Panties Night and I went to a party at his house and never wrote about it because he didn't dance with me once and I was mad about that. But I never mentioned it to him and I got over it soon after so there was no point in mentioning that. I had an OK time at the party but it wasn't the greatest ever.

There was a point where we had stopped talking and I said he's out of my life. Then I said I was sad. He knew that was about him but for some reason he took offense. I think its because of the song that was with that post. Lil Kim's No Time. That wasn't about you Chris.

There was also a post where I wrote I was supposed to go on a date and it didn't happen. That was Chris.

He wasn't at the co-ed sleepover so he wasn't slighted there. But I coulda wrote about how I was upset that he went to Texas and that I wished he was there, but that woulda got mushy and I hate that crap.

So yeah....Thats why I never mentioned your name. But thats all shot to hell now. Its cool though. You still the homie.

Life goes on

You know how every black church has a building fund? Well on the black people channel TVOne there's a reality show called Divine Restoration that renovates churches. I just thought that was cute.

TVOne is like what BET is supposed to be. BET is basically just the Black music channel instead of Black entertainment. TVOne even has an Access Hollywood for black celebrities. It shows Tom Joyner's sky shows and everything.

It seems like a good time to get a job or at least a job interview. My homie has a job interview with the FBI today. I even got a call back from a job in Atlanta. Now all I have to do is get to Atlanta for the interview....Everybody wants me to work where they are for there own selfish reasons. Some folks want me to stay in Hampton for them, someone even wants me in Texas. But hey I gotta go to a place that's gonna pay my bills.

Me and my best friend went running today. I can already tell I'ma be sore. I'm tryin not to be a lazy bum.

I'm so ready to go back to Hampton. For what? I dunno..... I guess I feel like I would have more to do there. There's just something about Tulsa I don't like. It just makes me sick. Lit-TRA-Leee (Literally). I have been sick for the past week. It happens every time I come home. I think its a sign.

Nothing against Tulsa. It's a perfectly nice city. It's just not for me.

I've been taking on my Auntly duties. Baby-sitting my beautiful neice. She's a fun kid. She's only six months old. So happy and everything. Of course you can see her mama in her. She's loud and she can have an attitude. Just like my sister.

Doing nothin....

Sometimes I just write about things that I've been thinking about rather than what I've done through out the day because......I don't be doin nothin....And I need to get some things off my mind and chest. So I write about stuff that me and my friends are talking about or stuff on TV.

I think I've asked this question before, but is it bad to let a guy take you out just cus you wanna see a movie and you're broke even if you're not interested in the dude....?

This guy is another one of those dudes from the past that I was never really interested in then and now has gotten the nerve to ask me out. I'll tell you this: the odds are not in his favor. But hey I ain't got nothin else to do...

I'll try not to be too rude, sometimes my smart-ass comments just slip out.

I was cracking up at t h e o r y's comments on my last post. I never thought of my glasses as "seductive". That's an incentive to wear them more often. My other friend said they make me look like Ms. Frizzle from The Magic Schoolbus. Hmmm....Those are two very different interpretations.

My time in Tulsa is my detox time. Cooling down period. Time to think. That can be a good thing and a bad thing. Ya know "an idle mind......" blah blah blah as the saying goes.

Sorry

I ain't got much to say.....Just tryin to kill time. Got any suggestions for things I can do while I'm at home instead of goin crazy? As I predicted, it feels like I've been here for 5 years instead of one week. Three more weeks to go. I'm still on the job hunt. Me and Tiff had a conversation about that.

Me: I need a car. Can you get a job without a car?
Tiff: Don't you think you need a place to live first?
Me: ......I could live in my car....As long as I could get to work.

Public transportation doesn't sit well with me. I guess its my spoiled nature. I'm sure one day I will have to buckle down and take the bus or something. Let's pray thats not the case. I'll even take a Geo Metro at this point.......

Interesting.....

I just finished this book by Omar Tyree called Leslie. Its about college girl who is just so off the hook that everyone wonders what's the deal with her, what's goin on in her life. She just wants to be left alone to live her life and everyone just keeps bothering her. So she taps into her voodoo powers and starts takin folks out one by one. There are so many simularities between the main character and I. Not only is she strikingly beautiful, intelligent and mysterious (achh hemm), she just wants to be able to live her life without everyone depending on her to take care of them. Now I wouldn't just start killin folk, I'm not homicidal. There's no comin back from death. But I know I have the tendency to want to get as far as possible away from my problems and those causing the problems. It can get complicated but ya know I'm working on it. The thing I did admire about her was her strength. She ain't take shit from nobody. And I take too much shit. That's the truth. I guess when I finally get tired of it, I'll stop.

Pink Panties Crew

Last week before all the graduation drama, I was having a great time chillin with my friends. My friend Dani from Denver came down to stay the week with me. She made the suggestion one night to make Pink Panties. We had to call up my pahty girl Kiana and get it poppin. Its a mixed drink y'all, get your mind out the gutter! For those of you who wanna try it, it has Vodka, frozen pink lemonade, whipped cream and ice. Blend it all together. Ironically we found out that we all had on pink panties! Get your mind out the gutter once again. Basically one person just mentioned it and then we all said 'Me too!' After that we continued to wreak havoc and chaos no matter where went. I would tell you all the details but it would ruin the good girl image some may still have of me. For those of you who know me......I'll tell you later, if you wanna know. Gotta love those Pink Panties and my crew. One of the best drunken nights of my life. Thanks DANI!

What's goin on?

Po Dave Chappelle...He done cracked up tryin to re-create the magic of his first season.... I'm sure its hard to have all that pressure on you. Feel better Dave. I'm sendin my wishes even though I know he's definitely not gone read this... The Dean promised me a job for all the trouble I went through during graduation. But I still don't think thats enough. I still deserve compensation. So starts the letter writing campaign. I'm home now. Newest project: Scrapbook of my college career. I definitely will leave out this lil tidbit about the graduation. Got lots to do. I gotta find me a job. Gotta fix my mother's computer. Every time I come home there's something wrong with it. Daggon shame. Spend time with my niece. Tryin to keep myself busy so I don't hurt nobody.Holla at y'all.

What's with all the drama?

Ok well this is senior week, this is supposed to be the week when you chill with your classmates, party, chill....But know Hampton waits to the last minute to tell you you're cleared for graduation. They make you sweat and panic until graduation day. Maybe thats how they make you appreciate that degree.....Interesting method Hampton.

So here's the story: The week of graduation seniors have to pick up their clearance cards in order to participate in the ceremony. We go the office of the registrar where our names are posted on the door. There's two lists; cleared and provisional. Provisional means there is something wrong somewhere in the system either academically or financially.

My name isn't on either list......

So I go check it out. Turns out I gotta do the exit interview for my loan. K. I do that. There's still a hold on my record. Check that out and find that I gotta sign the papers for another loan. K. Do that.

I still can't get my clearance card. I go to the registrar and they say there's two credits missing for a non- business elective. WHAT?!!! I'd checked my credits! I'm supposed to be good. So I go to the chair of my department and he says he can give me two credits for my independent studies class. But when he talks to the registrar she says 'Oh you're not two credits short, you're three credits short.'

When I talk to my advisor I found out where the problem was. When I did my audit, I was taking a class that I ended up not passing but they gave me the credits for anyway. So when I calculated the credits I needed to graduate I included those credits for the class I had to re-take and Hampton policy says they won't give you credit for the same class twice. But I didn't know they had already given me the credit. Wouldn't you think if you didn't pass a class that they wouldn't give you a credit?

SO, my advisor tells me to try and test out of any class I can in order to get those credits. I do that. I ran to get six signatures. In the rain. To take a test in a class that I had never taken before. And I passed!

So I'm thinkin 'Aight, I'm cool. I got my credits and I'm gonna get my degree.'

Saturday: I check my credits on the University website. Everything is there. Bachelor of Science Degree. Awarded: May 8, 2005. Instutional Honors. Departmental Honors.

Sunday, Graduation Day: I try to pick up my honors cords. My names' not on the list. I felt so inadequate without my cords. We go through the first ceremony. I see my my name in the program for Institutional Honors and Departmental Honors. Great. I get to the Business Dept. ceremony and they say 'Oh we don't have a card for you. My advisor goes to check with the registrar. I wait and wait and wait. I figure I'm the very last person to go so they should figure it out by the time I get to the stage. Nope. So they were like just walk in and we'll write a card for you. I walk in and everyone's fam is screamin their names. I even manage to find my fam even though I don't have my glasses on.

Then they tell me 'They aren't gonna let you walk in the ceremony. Sorry.'

Are you serious? ARE YOU SERIOUS?! All the crap you put me through and you can't even say my name as I go up to the stage so that my family that drove 24 hrs from Oklahoma can see me walk across the stage because of three f*in bogus credits that YOU coulda told me about last week when I was just chillin because I thought I was done with exams for the rest of my life and then I run all around the whole school to take a test that I PASSED just for you tell me I can't walk across the f*in stage?!!!!!!!!!

This just makes it even worse

So I went up to the school today to see what the problem was and why they didn't let me walk with my class. I took my cousin Farah and her husband Jimmy because I know she got some fire in her and she wouldn't let them off easy. Everytime I think about the situation I get so mad the tears just start to flow and I can't get anything done like that. We go to the registrar just to make sure they have everything straight because online it says I was awarded.

The woman Jill Couper tells me I've been awarded since Friday, I should have been able to walke because they sent my degree over and everything. She says the person I should complain to is Dean Credle, the dean of the school of Business. So we ride over the School of Business. The office is closed which means I can't get my degree.

But Dean Credle is there.......


So we step into his office, explain the whole situation, then look at him like 'what you gone do?' He says he didn't know anything about the situation, if he had known he woulda just called me up to come to the stage so I could at least take the picture for my parents.

Thanks a lot now.

Apparently the people I had talked to who told me I couldn't walk in the ceremony had not alerted Dean Credle to the situation at hand.

If anything the woman who had known my situation should have been the most sympathetic. She knew I took the exam and passed, I called her when I was standing in line at the registrar to have them applied. She knew I ran all over to get those signatures. She was there from the very beginning and all she had to say was:

I'm sorry.

That's not good enough. I wanted to be in the ceremony with my classmates. I graduated in 2005. I should have been able to walk.

Easily forgotten

I really need some prayer on this one. At first it was funny and coincidential, but now its more frequent and its bothering me. My memory is getting really bad. I barely remember things from yesterday. Its starting to cause a lotta problems.

1. If you forget the past you are doomed to repeat it. In other words whenever I make a mistake I forget and I continue to do it instead of learning from it. Causes problems when someone gets sick of you doing the thing that irritates them most about you.
2. I forget what I'm doing....sometimes in the middle of doing it. Sometimes I never get anything completely done or it takes forever.
3. I forget to check back on people, return phone calls, things like that.....Makes me seem like I don't care. But I do, I just forgot.

I put things in the same place so that I don't forget where they are. I go crazy when I can't find things.

I love pictures even though I usually forget to take them. Which reminds me I need to get a camera......

I make lists, I love lists because they help me remember.

The good side of having a bad memory is that I don't hold grudges, I do't really trip over small stuff......

But anyway it can't be a good sign. I need some memory excersizes.

Time to Celebrate

I've checked my grades......and I am actually graduating! With honors! I know its only by the grace of God, because I ain't do much of nothing this year. And thinking about it I think Milyaka must have spoken it for me because I everytime I spoke to her she said, "You're graduating!" I am not kiddin folks. Every.............single.........time. And I was like, "Ehh yeah sure. Thats the plan."

But its crazy because I never saw this happening. Graduating from college. I was always a good student and college was always the natural progression after high school, but I just never saw it. Now that its here, its unreal. I mean you work and you work and then you're done. You're done. You are DONE. It seems so abrupt.

Where do we go from here?

Now there's the fear of being a "grown up". You know....not having any fun, going to work everyday, going to sleep early......That sucks!

I hope I don't become that type of grown up......

Chillin, chillin, chillin

Me and the girls went to the BE-ach yesterday and had some happy hour cocktails....I was responsible. I only had two even though they were just a dollar. I tried to watch Troy for the fifth time and ended up falling asleep on the couch last night. If I fall asleep downstairs it takes me forever to drag my butt upstairs. I finally did after falling asleep for about three hours. Went upstairs and after tryin to fall asleep in my bed, I couldn't sleep! So I got up and had a 5am convo with my homegirl.....Didn't go back to sleep till it was light outside.

But why did everyone and MY mama wanna call me early this morning? I don't know what was said, I just remember something about graduation tickets and invitations.....go back to sleep...blah blah blah.

I do plan on hoppin on that sewing machine today. For some reason my keyboard is not tryin to work on my computer so I had to use my roomie's. I found the perfect smiley to describe it:

Final Final

New episodes of Dave Chappelle on May 31st! I can't wait.

Lemme tell you about this final. I wasn't worried because I had already calculated my grade and I would pass whether I took it or not. But I did get kinda nervous when people were finished with a 6 question essay test after like twenty minutes. Thats outrageous! I couldn't even get my thoughts together after that one. So I tried to finish some more of the test and then I was like.....I give up! I'm out this piece!

I finally got out of the icebox that is my friends' room. She ain't gone read this so I can say that. When I got home I washed my hair and the next day I woke up with a plan....I started thinking of some projects that I could start. A new skirt. I already got the sketch for it. We'll see how it goes.....

Then I got a call from my girl Holly askin if I wanted to run some errands with her lil sisters. I say sure, I ain't got no plans. The first stop: Horseshoe Tattoo to get Nikita's (also my lil sis from OK) cartiledge pierced. She offered to pay me to get a piercing as a graduation present. So I did it! It hurt like a @#$#%! But its so cute. My piercer Shane had some difficulty given the size of my ears and the tight spot where I wanted it....Leave it up to me to pick the most difficult place to put a ring. He kept saying 'I'm sooo sorry, I'm soooo sorry, but its gonna be cool.' I wiped the single tear from my eye said 'Ima soldier.' He even took pics of it for his portfolio. Excuse the ear wax.....



Next stop: the mall. While in The Icing I caught the eye of this cute lil boy. He couldn't have been more than 3 years old. Then he began to flirt with me. He had this lil smirk on his face like 'Yeah..... I know I'm cute'. I ain't lyin, I got witnesses. I told y'all that lil boys be havin a thing for me. I don't know what it is...I can't help it.

I picked up my homegirl Kiana cus she crazy and I only see her on the weekends. She's my pahty gal from Bahston(Boston). We met the others at Jason's Deli where we nearly closed the joint down listenin to Holly and Kiana's story about their drunken adventures/ blind date horrors/ work related tales. Them girls crack me up!.

Holly: Thanks for settin me up with S-CURL!
Kiana: Hey, my date was FINE....thats all that matters. I can't help it if I tell him to bring a friend and he's jacked up.

But for real, Fellas you know when you're friends are jacked up.....That's just plain mean. He betta have a GREAT personality to off set an S-Curl. Nah, I'm sorry you can't off set an S-Curl......

Last stop: Target to pick up a storage bin. I was on my own mission to replace my 112 Hot and Wet CD.... Sadly they didn't have any. I can't get Pleasure and Pain until I have my Hot and Wet. And I be hearing some of the songs in my head at the strangest times. Does anyone have it so I can burn it?


All in all it was a fun filled lovely day that I really really needed. I have to thank the Lord for that!

Randomnessssss

Incubus~Drive
How come the smartest people I know academically are the 'slowest' people I know?

I need a hobby that requires actual effort. I should work out or something, maybe it would give me some energy. I feel old!

I need some motivation. I need some passion in my life. I need some focus! Where is it Lord?!! Because I know the Lord wants me to graduate, but what does he want me to do after that?

My new motto should be "Better Late Than Never".

Every time I turn on the TV I get caught up in this infomericial for a flat iron called the MaxiGlide. Not only is the guy who invented it out of control but I just get amazed at how well it works (they even did some REAL black folks hair!!). Since my hair has been semi-natural for years and I have like 234,434,556 curlers, flat irons and hot combs that don't get my hair where I want it to be, I drool over this iron everytime I see it. Graduation gift anyone?

I was searching jobs today. I've found I'm not to keen on the 9 to 5 thing. I need a freelance job. But what would I freelance.

I secretly get jealous of girls with their big super afros. I like my hair wild sometimes but it has to be a controlled wild. Metaphor for me.

I'm afraid of what my blog will look like this summer when I go home to OK to visit......Example:

Monday:

I'm bored.

Tuesday:

Just watched Dawson's Creek finale and cried.....AGAIN.

Wednesday:

I'm going crazy! I want out!

If I could blog for a living that would be fine. Did I choose the wrong major? Ahh well, I got the degree now.....

Feinin for a haircut. I think it shall be done before graduation just to freak my mom out.

I miss my mama.

I did get my hood and tassel by the way. Now my fam won't be here for nothin.....Unless those credits don't pan out. Even so I'll get to see my neice and my mom and thats not for nothin.

Imperfection

I found these new lil smileys and I like them!

Task for today: find that hood thingy that goes with my cap and gown so I can actually walk at graduation and my family doesn't come down here for no reason.


It's funny who you get intimidated by. Or how other peoples' imperfections makes you feel better about yourself. How you become accustomed to your looks. Where confidence comes from. It has taken me years to build self confidence. For some reason when I was younger my sister loved to hate on me. She outright made me feel ugly. And maybe I was, I dunno. If I wasn't, I felt like I was. It all made a big impact on how I went about things. Maybe if I was more confident I wouldn't have been as quiet in public as I was.

I still have my struggles. Have you seen my friends? They are beautiful! When we go out, I do get passed up. But can I blame them? Hecks no! My friends are off the hook! DIMES! SILVA DOLLAS!

But just the same to make it from day to day, I have to find something about myself that is beautiful. And don't get me wrong, I think I'm cute. I have wonderful features. But I've never thought of myself as beautiful. In high school, I was off the chain cute! But I never knew it until I look back at pictures and wow. I just never realized the power of clear skin and being free of male problems. I didn't really have any pimples or male problems until I got to college. Isn't that backwards?

People tell me that they think I'm beautiful, but it doesn't matter if everyone in the world is telling you you're the bomb if you don't believe it. The mind is a powerful thing. That's one reason I don't take compliments well. I don't believe them.

College has been one big coming out party for me. I'm not shy anymore. There's no reason to be. Not quiet anymore. I'm starting to speak out more, even though there are some things I have a hard time saying. I'm still reserved about most things. I'm not the go buck wild type of gal. My parents are very laid back so I had no reason to rebel as a teen. My best friend said she's beginning not to recognize me. I don't think that's a compliment.......

But back to the subject at hand(thats my new fav phrase). Of course my looks will change, they are forever changing. I just have to get used to them as I grow and appreciate what God has given me.

Diary

Who do you tell your secrets to? I've kept a diary every since I was 11 years old. When I was younger I really didn't have anyone I could talk to. My aunt worked for American Greetings and she would give me all kinds of stationary and journals and I would write about anything, everything. I always wondered if my mom or sister ever read my diaries. If they did, they never said anything.

Now who do I tell my secrets to? If I can bring myself to even talk about them, I tell them to a few of my friends. I don't really like my business to be out there and my closest friends are in different states so its not like things get back to Hampton. I find it very hard to keep things from Milyaka and Tiff. They know just about everything. And sometimes I try to keep things from them and it just comes out. But its not like they care about the details of my life, they just listen because they love me. Tiff probably don't care, she's just nosy. But she's a good listener if you can keep her focused. And if I can't talk to them about it, it goes in my journal.

I'm tryin to get better at being a good friend. Sometimes I forget and I'm not considerate. You would think with all these overly sensitive friends I have that they might rub off on me. But really they just make me feel like they're taking things way too seriously when really their feelings are totally valid, its just not the way I would handle things.

Stalkative

Ciara-Oh
You know everyone's fav part of this video, the car scene. I think that takes real skill and ab strength. "Wishin I was easy I can see it. Thats when I say NO, What Fo?" This video has nothing to do with the topic at hand.....Enjoy.

There's a term that my friend Holly came up with a few years ago. Stalkative. It means you have stalker tendencies. We used to describe some of the males we knew as stalkative, now I must admit that I...Yakarien...am stalkative. I probably shouldn't be saying this... But really, who isn't? I mean you know that you know when and where your fav person leaves class. You know you check their away messages. You know you check their facebook page just as often as you check yours. Some of y'all probably know their friends' schedules as well.....So fear not, you are not alone. Just don't make it too obvious.


On another note, I need a back-crackin like nobody's business. I must be sleepin wrong or something because my back is seriously all knotted up.

1 down, 1 to go

Where do I begin? Well I just finished one of my finals. I hope I passed. It's actually the only class I'm worried about. I got one last final on Monday that I will actually have to put time into and study for it. There's so much going on this weekend, I wish I were done already.

I had a great day at the beach with my SRT fam. I just love those guys. Ima miss them. This is first year that I didn't have to bring my 'outside' friends on SRT events just so I would have fun.

Tell me why the SRT sponsor tried to tell me it was because of the mini skirt(the only one I own in the whole world) I was wearing that my teacher bumped my grade up two letters? I'd rather believe it was because he knew my potential and I did not deserve a D........ I'm not the type of girl to use her feminine wiles to get her way....not from teachers at least.

I don't know why I'm soo tired. I go to bed at a reasonable hour most of the time.

Senior ball pics are still on the way. I just gotta upload em. They're hot. Did I mention I had a great time at senior ball? Yeah, I definitely did. I'll write again when I have something productive to say. Right now I'm just babbling.

Only by the grace of God.....

Like I have said before, the Lord really wants me to graduate. Today I met with my teacher to see what my grade is. If you got a B or better you don't have to take a final. I knew in my heart of hearts that I didn't have a B, but I was hoping that the final might at least give me a C. He looked at my grade and said, "Uhhh well it looks like you have a D in the class.....but I can give you a B- because the final wouldn't make a difference anyway." So I don't have to take the final and Ima graduate with honors. Look at God! He still finds a way to take care of me throughout everything. Amen!

College prom

Of course senior ball was Saturday and I went. I had the greatest time on Earth. Everyone looked absolutely gorgeous. It was better than both my high school proms.

Reasons why senior ball was better than prom:

1. I loved my dress
2. I had on my sexy shoes.
3. The venue was so spacious no one sweated out their hair unless they were just doin way too much on the dance floor.
4. No one got stabbed, punched or stomped on the dance floor.
5. It didn't end abruptly early.
6. My date:

He picked me up, we matched, and he bought me a McGriddle in the morning. I'm not a hard gal to please. If you knew how my other proms were, you would understand.

I pre-partied at my house with Adrianne and my other roomate Larry. We had a mini-photo shoot and let's just say I was very "happy" when I got to the ball. It helped out a lot I must say. If there was anything I may have gotten a lil upset about, it was not an issue. I worked that room. Huggin folks I barely knew but I was very happy to see them! It was great!

On a side note: Ladies, if you have heard of this thing called the natural bra or comfort bra, I definitely reccomend things for the D cup ladies and smaller. Its a really good buy. It stayed on the whole night and even looked good in my after party outfit.

Anyway, I never made it to the after party. Went to Denny's instead. We waited for almost two hours to get our food because there was like 10 of us. Then as they were bringing out our trays of food, a roach crawls across the table. I was really upset because I was hungry and I could just taste that moon over my hammy.....So we went to the 24hr McDonald's instead.

So that was my night and like I said it was GREAT!

This is me and my date. Pardon the make-up. It was at the end of the night and I had forgotten my whole rule about not taking pics at the end.

Me and my homegirl Ka-nanana in a gangsta pose.

My Five Heartbeats!

Yes I did wear those sunglasses the whole night.....

That's it

U don't have to call~ Usher

I've been in the library since Monday. One day I was actually here from 9am-4pm. And I wonder why I'm losing weight. I barely got up to pee. As I've mentioned before, my computer is trash.....I don't think I've ever been in the library so much in my whole life. That's what happens to procrastinators. You end up spending more time doing it than you would if you had started earlier. Finally got done with all my projects. Next up FINALS! Pray for me. But now I can let loose!

I'm tryin to go to senior ball. I think me and my homie are gonna split a ticket price, but we're gettin it on sale because these prices are ridiculous! $150 for one night?! What's actually happening at this ball? Are we having champagne and caviar? Steak and Shrimp? Is Jay-z gonna perform? HIGHLY DOUBTFUL! So I refuse to pay full price. At first I wasn't pressed about this ball, but now I wanna go....My friend is lettin me borrow a dress. Like a true procrastinator I waited until the last minute. But I'm excited about this dress. It's red. I look good in red.

I think I'm more excited about gettin ready for the thing than the actual event. I'm such a girl. I can't wait to fix my make-up and hair, knowing its probaly gonna get sweated out. That's what happened to my home girl. Ah well, at least it will be cute for the pictures at the beginning of the night. Gotta remember to get a camera. No pics at the end of the night PLEASE. Who wants to remember how busted we looked at the end of senior ball?

Almost there

I'm still workin y'all and I'm starting to look like this. So all I have to give is another video. Don't get me wrong, I got a lot to say just no time to write it. Enjoy.....for me.

C'mon baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby....OH YEAH!!


Mario~C'mon baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby

I'm actually working today.....I'll leave you with this.

112~U Already know

Southern Comfort

Don't you just love the south? Let me tell you about the day I had at Lenox Mall. I did get to do some serious shopping. Now its time to seriously stop. But there were some outrageous moments I just had to mention. A guy just comes up to me in the mall hustling his CD. I was like wow. He even sang a lil to me to give me a taste of what I might be hearing if I bought his CD. I decided to support the young brotha. He had a really nice voice. Plus if he blows up I can say I was one of the first to buy his CD and he signed it for me. I'll let you know how that is. As we were leaving this mall we got cornered by several cars. Sorta felt like we were fugitives on the run and the police had keep us from moving. But in the first car it was just these dudes tryin to give us their CD. Kinda scary. Gold teeth and everything. Then this guy took a liking to me and asked me to come over. He kept on eyeing me staring at my crotch like he could get through my pants with X-ray vision. His best compliment was that I was just soooo thick he had to see what was up with that. First of all, I'm not that thick....Must be the jeans. Am I in denial? Hey if you see me on the street, let me know....

Changes are acomin

This has been an interesting week. I finally got to play some pool. I ended up playing at a table with three guys that I had beaten last time I was there so they all had a vendetta against me. They were just waitin to play me. It was the only thing on their minds since I had beaten them. So there were some good games.I won, I lost. All in all it was a good day for pool.

On Wednesday, I tried to get some work done. I didn't get that much done. 112 came and Theory put me on assignment for WHOV. I was all up in it. I'm not the kind of person to get starstruck but they were really cool. Some girl behind was yellin at Q. "WHY are you so fine Q?! You are SOO fine!" In the midst of everything I lost my entire collection of new CD's including the last 112 that I was listening to all morning. I'm really sad about that. Watched Top Model.Thumbs up to the show for all those creative assignments. Thumbs down for puttin black women in red lipstick.....What do you do when you're hungry at 1 am? You cook! Or at least I do. My homie Rainman came over and we had some pasta and chicken over an interesting conversation about writing names on walls with questionable substances. Trust me, you don't wanna know.... (Didn't think I would write about that did ya?)

I decided to run away for the weekend. Rented a car with my lil sis and her homie's and went to Atlanta. I'm spontaneous like that. I shoulda gotten in touch with my Morehouse friends from facebook. Got a slight haircut. I'm still on the fence about going natural. I haven't had a perm in a year, but somehow I always break down and get one. I might actually do it this time. We'll see.

More than one person has told me not to get into trouble this week. First of all, do I look like I go looking for trouble? Secondly, I think I may have gotten into more trouble if I had stayed at home. And third, what kinda trouble could I get into in a strange city? WELL lets find out!

Plans for the weekend:

1. Get a pedicure
2. Find a possible senior ball gown
3. Kidnap a Morehouse man
4. Find Usher and see if the rumors are true
5. Do some homework.

I need a change in my life. I think I might change my room around when I get home. I need a change of atmosperhere.

He's just not that into you

For SRT week I hosted a discussion about the book He's Just Not That Into You: The No Excuses Guide to Understanding Men by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo. The gist of the book is that if a man is not calling you or if he doesn't ask for your number then he's just not that into you. The authors say that if women want to know why they are not in a committed relationship its because they are too aggressive or they just aren't seeing the signs. Basically how to tell if you are in a dead-end relationship. In a nutshell he's saying 'Chill ladies, let the man come to you. And if he doesn't he's just not that into you and therefore not worth your time.'

I feel what he is saying, but at the same time I'm conflicted because that means I have to sit on my hands and wait for a guy. What if I see one I like? Shouldn't I have the right to go up to him? But this guy says if I do, he won't respect me..... So I have no choice, if I want a quality man, but to wait for him to find me. I don't like having my choices taken away from me.

At the same time it made me look at some of my interactions with males and evaluate. The book says he's just not that into you if :

• He's not calling you.
• He's too insanely busy to pick up the phone.
• He doesn't like the words 'relationship' or 'boyfriend'.
• He doesn't take you out.

So think about this.....He's giving you all the signs but you're so caught up you don't want to see them. So you start making excuses for him. Oh....He's afraid to get hurt again. Maybe he's intimidated by me. He just got out of a relationship. These guys says that is never the case. He just doesn't like you! If he did, none of that stuff would matter because he would get past that just to be with you.

We decided to ask some males about this book. Is it accurate? Are we playing ourselves? What about when he says things like .......? The guys answered our questions as well as they could, but of course they could only answer based on their experiences. Some of the ladies got our feelings hurt as we thought about our situations. But I also noticed that all of our perceptions of the opposite sex have been severely adjusted because of the people we have encountered.

On a side note: I could see myself being a talk show host. It was sooo fun mediating that discussion and posing questions to group while being impartial. I loved it.

So fellas, I'd like to pose the question to you. Is this book telling the truth? Some guys say thats not always the case, but most say the book is dead on. Wouldn't it save a whole bunch of time if we knew to just leave the man alone and not wonder why why why? So just tell us fellas if you just not that into us. It might hurt at first, but we will appreciate the lack of drama that is sure to come if we continue to worry if you will ever call. It will also save you the trouble of having to get your tires replaced after some woman slashes them cus you strung her along for years and you just weren't that into her but you wanted her around cus you knew she would be there but at the same time you had another woman who you really were into but you were waiting on her to come around........END IT ALREADY!

On My Last Day

Queen Latifah & Al Green~Simply Beautiful

Teedra Moses has a song about her last day on earth.....I just wonder where that song came from. She lost her mother a while ago. When people close to you die it does give you an interesting perspective on life. Its so hard for me to think of death without crying, even though in Christian faith we believe that once you accept Christ you will have life everlasting. I'm still a baby in Christ so its gonna take me a second to get that concept. But its hard for me to imagine my life without the people who are with me in it. I find it hard to even complete this post without crying. When I was younger, I did wonder what it would be like if I died. Who would cry. Who wouldn't. Is that a selfish thought?

You know what I do believe is selfish? Suicide. Its the most selfish thing you can do. Someone does look forward to hearing from you each day and if the Lord decides to take you then we know thats the way of the world, but to just take your own life just because you think its too hard to live.......I mean we all have it bad, some worse than others at times, but if you dwell on the negative that's all you will be able to see. You need to have faith so that you know that even when times are hard, things eventually will get better. Life is just hard in general, that's why you have family and friends. They make life worth living. At least for me they do. But if you don't have friends that make you feel that way, you need to get some new ones. Trust me, you gone need em.


But its hard for me to think about what I want to be doing on my last day on Earth. I wanna have a long conversations with my best friends talking about old times. I wanna be able to pass heirlooms to my grand-children and great-grandchildren. I want the sun to shine. I want to be satisfied with my life. I pray that God finds me fit to be in Heaven. I want to listen to my favorite songs. I want everyone to know how much I loved them, even though they could never possibly know the magnitude of my love for them. Yeah, I know its gonna be a sad day, but I don't want it to be an empty day.

SATURDAY

Yeah, yesterday was a long, long day. Starting at 5am when I woke up after maybe 3 or 4 hours of sleep. It was Hampton University's annual High School Day. Which is basically what the Student Recruitment Team works all year toward. We had at least 6,000 extra people on campus yesterday. We had to keep them entertained, give tours and keep smiles on our faces the entire day. For the first half of the day I had to wear a suit and heels and I had nothing to do. So I grabbed some raffle tickets and these Relay for Life rubberband bracelets and started selling them. Then the day got better. People are so funny.

Lady: How much are the raffle tickets?
Me: One dollar.
Someone else (to the lady): What's the prize?
Lady: I dunno, but I love a good raffle. Give me five.

I had about a three hour break where I ate, enjoyed some music and picked up a high school boy. Yup sure did! He was 17, tall and cute as a button! He was my "lil sister's" real little brother and he hung out with me for a while. Milyaka stop calling me a pedophile, I was just showing him around.

Then came my big moment, what I had been preparing for the last 3 weeks. The afternoon program where the band plays, the greeks step and we give away stuff while the DJ plays. No one had shown up to any of the practices we'd had this week and everyone was late to the actual afternoon program. I was freakin out and I was pissed at the same time. But in the end everyone made it and everything turned out fine, so I know I should keep my cool next time.

I took a tremendous nap in my friends' room (she said I was snoring when she came in the room, sorry), got some food and I went to an on-campus party in our gym. It was ehhh aight. So my day began at 5am and ended at 3am. High school day is always like that for me and this was my last one. Awww, I had a great time. Just ask what I did last year, didn't get back till the sun came up.....

No matta what people say

I didn't post yesterday, I was on my feet all day from 5am on...But to make you feel like I did, I pre-dated this post. Enjoy.

Lil' Kim~No matta what people say


How much weight does what people say hold with you? Now we all say 'I don't care what people think'. But to be honest, I am one of those people that do care what my friends think. Not to the point where it dictates my life because they all know I'm hard headed and I don't listen to anyone. But it matters what they think because they know me and they care about my well being, so I know its sincere.

But of course there are those who ain't lookin out for you, who don't care about your feelings, who will tell you things just to manipulate the way you act. You must be able to decipher who is on your team and who's against you.

Don't you think it is important to get an alternative point of view? In some situations there are things about people that you just may not be able to see. And what if what people are telling you is just God using them as a gateway?

One reason I don't give advice anymore is that people don't listen and it makes me mad to have to tell them I told you so. I am also a victim of people telling me they told me so. But nevertheless some people can learn from not doing and some people just have to experience things for themselves.

What is it for?

Hot Boys- We on Fire


The next two days of my life belong to SRT(Student Recruitment Team). We are getting ready for our annual High School Day. All it is for me is a lot of stress because I am a Team Leader and a senior.I know I'm not the only one under stress, but its still there. I just feel like I'm wasting time supervising things when I could be finishing an assignment. But let's be real, I probably wouldn't be working on it anyway. So there you have it.

There are a lotta parties going on this weekend, but as you know from my party experiences, I'm not too eager to go to any of them. I wanna go to The Blue tonight, hopefully it will help me relax a little bit. But for today after my last class I get forty five minutes to eat then I have to go to High School Day practice and meetings till whenever, then hopefully The Blue. *sigh* And there you have it!

We ALL black folks! Let's unite!

Dave Chappelle~Black Bush


This is something that bothers me....On thefacebook.com people can create their own groups about anything they want. Each school has its own groups.....Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for being proud of how you look, self esteem and all that, but at Hampton they have all these groups called 'Light-skinned is where its at', 'The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice' and there are more that you can join based on your skin tone. I refuse to join any of these groups because I feel that they are segratory (Yes I just made up my own word to describe these groups). Being at a Black college, I feel we should be more about unifying ourselves rather than separating ourselves according to color. We have enough problems with other races segregating us from society as a whole and it needs to stop before we begin to contribute to the economy as tax-paying citizens. I think we are only playing into the roles that have been created for us by people trying to keep us down. Not to sound all militant or anything, but you have to admit that the stigmas are there. That's my piece.

Here I am!

Missy Elliot~Pass the Dutch


I know y’all saying that musta been a good weekend, she ain't write about nothing till Tuesday! Well it was alright. I did see Guess Who on Friday with the roomies. We had a real family outing. The movie was extremely cute.

On Saturday, I went to the Q probate. Those poor kids looked like they were in so much pain. I was glad for them to finally come out. I have to give it to the Q's, they sure do support one another. There were like a thousand of em. Old and young, drunk and high. Tell me how EVERYBODY gone have a cup, sharin and pouring a "mysterious substance". It was out of control. The panties and drawers party ended like just about every other party. It has to be a sign that I should just quit goin to parties all together. Nothing good ever happens.

Sunday was of course, Easter. I did go to church, it was lovely. The pastor spoke about expectations. Tramaine Hawkins was the guest musician. For those of y’all who don’t know she first recorded ‘Goin up yonder’. She was awesome. After church, I felt so good that I decided I would cook Easter dinner. I had to call my mom up for some recipes. Everything was from scratch, that’s right FROM SCRATCH. Me and Theory got in the kitchen and was cookin up a storm. We made turkey and dressing, macaroni and cheese, potato salad, green beans (the only thing from a can), and a red velvet cake (ok, that was from a box) and it was GOOD! I was very proud of myself. I gotta take note that next time I can put more celery in the dressing and more relish in the potato salad, but it still was good. I’m coming along folks, but I still couldn’t cook like that every night. Maybe breakfast……

Larry and I experimented with celery since we had so much left over and we don’t really eat it. It was so gross; I don’t see how people eat raw celery. Ewwww.

And now I’m tryin not to have a stroke from all the stress Ima be under for the next three weeks. Its all papers and exams from here on. Pray for me. I’m surprised I had time to write this post, but you know I had to do it.

Last night I was talking to my homegirl Holly on IM. I was telling her that I was watching the Troop video from my page ‘Mamacita’.

Me: Look at those Jheri curls! What were we (we meaning black people) thinking? I’m glad I never had one.
HollyJuice: Yeah me too. The closest I ever came was a straw set.
Me: At least it wasn’t juicy.
HollyJuice: Remember when I did that straw set on your hair freshman year? That was so ghetto, we used a blow dryer.
Me: Not ghetto, resourceful. We had to use what we had. We did steal all those straws from the café tho….. That was ghetto.


Aww good times…..*sigh* Well stay outta trouble! Hopefully I’ll get back soon to drop some knowledge on ya.

I think I'm Goin Outta My Head

Kelis ft Outkast~Millionaire



I like this song....I just found it the other day. Really describes my mood too.

Yesterday was A DAY! I tell YOU! I thought I was gone slap somebody, but I prayed and I didn't. The only thing that helped me smile through the day was the compliments I was getting. I had my hair crinkled and it looked all wild (guys seem to like my hair like that, don't ask me why) and the outfit was working with my make-up. Some guy even said I looked like a model! That really made my day. Is that shallow? If it is, I don't care, Ima just be shallow cus that helped me get through that day. It was rough.

This is my best friend Milyaka! Isn't she cute? Yes birds of a feather DO flock together.Lol.



So this is who I'm talkin about all the time....Fellas, wipe the drool from your chins....

Anyway back to ME....So I got a memory stick today!YAYYY! I'm so excited, I put all my pics on there already. I get excited about the lil things. It really doesn't take much.....

I was invited to this panties and drawers party tommorow....Normally I wouldn't go because the way we kids dance today, thats already too much contact with strangers for me, but its my homie's party sooo...I'll try and be respectable and not do anything I have to repent for on Sunday except maybe goin to this party of course.

Nothing goin on tonight.....that's a usual Friday for me. You would think people would rather start off the weekend right but noooo they wanna wait til Saturday.

Well I better get started on this marketing plan that is due on Monday, holla at me!

Enough Already

Troop~ Mamacita


Does anyone remember Troop? You don't know how excited I was when I found this video!

For the next couple weeks I really need to be in the library researching and writing, let's hope I can pull it off. Right now it ain't lookin too good with tours, facebook and other distractions like.....food.

If you haven't noticed, I continue to add things to the 'Random facts....' post. I just keep thinking of stuff.

I saw Beauty Shop at a free advanced screening, it was really funny I must say. Maybe the added Black folks commentary within the theater gave it an extra boost, you know how we do.......

I have recently quit drinking all beverages except water. Yes that includes alcohol, I've actually only had maybe two good times drinking alcohol so that's not really a sacrifice.

I really love Teedra Moses' album: Complex Simplicity. That's what I wanna rename myself. Knowing me it will turn up as a new screenname added to the five I have already. Yes I use ALL of them. I rotate.

America's Next Top Model tonight! One of the very few shows I watch. Tiffany is fast becoming one of my fav's in pictures. I was afraid she would be like Kelli of the season before last who couldn't take a good pic to save her life.

Pissed

This is my song!!

Garbage~Only Happy When It Rains




Let's discuss this word for sec. Do you think it's a curse word? I used to think it was a bad word when I was younger, but now I use it all the time. Well I've said a lot worse but when I don't say any other foul words, I still use this one. Why? Because I know people that don't curse regularly who use this word. Well anyway these are some things that piss me off. Notice my restraint as I keep from using curse words in this entry.

1. Spelling errors or slang in professional papers. They just bother me sometimes.

2. When people talk about my size, leave me alone!

3. When guys call me sweetie or sweetheart, I HATE THAT! It makes me feel like they are patronizing me.

4. People that bring up stuff you did 10 years ago when it was supposed to be over with then. Sometimes the past needs the stay in the past....Which leads me to:

5. When guys come up you 7 years later and say, "You know I really liked you back then, I was just too shy to talk to you.....Can I have your number now?".....Now this is the wench coming out of me, but what makes you think I liked you back then? And what makes you think I like you now? What makes you think I'm the same person I was then? That just makes me feel like you was a punk then and you probably a punk now just a few years older.

As you can see I have experience with this one. This has happened to me more than twice. I always get passed up the first time and it never quite works out the same after that.

6. When your friends let you go out lookin a mess. What are friends for anyway? They know your hair is ugly but yet they let you go out like that. *shakin my head*

7. Gold Teeth Just Piss Me Off

8. Repitition. When it comes to tasks I can only do the same thing for a lil while, then I get bored. But I hate when people keep sayin the same thing over and over again and I hate repeating myself.

9. I hate when people insult someone to praise others. For example someone says "She flat irons hair better than anyone I know. I mean I used to think you were the best, but you don't hold a candle to her!" Why did you have to bring me into it? You already said she's better than anyone you know. I would assume that includes me. Thanks for making me feel inferior.

10. Visible hair gel, bright lipstick on black women, blue eyeshadow on black women, rubber rain boots.........

11. Just cus I don't react the way you want me too doesn't mean I'm not being sincere. My sister would do that to me all the time. She would ask what I thought about her outfit. I'd say, "It's cute." Then she would blow up at me, "What do you mean? Why did I ask you anyway? Blah blah blah." Just because I didn't do cartwheels when I saw it doesn't mean I didn't mean what I said. Geez.

12. Don't ask for my opinion if you don't really wanna hear my answer.

If I think of some more I'll let you know......Nah nevermind, I'm gettin mad just thinking about all this stuff.

Random facts about moi

Aaliyah~More than a Woman





I don't take compliments very well. I don't really like talking on the phone if there is another mode of communication. I love crafts: painting, sewing, crocheting, needle point, knitting, I do it all. I'm always cold. I really do dance like a maniac around the house when I'm alone. I love to fold clothes. My mom got my name from a bottle of Avon perfume. I have an extra finger. My ears are really tiny. My favorite color will always be blue. I don't mind silence between two people. I love hugs very very much, but I don't like it when strangers touch me. It makes me sad to hear babies cry. For some reason little boys(8 & younger) gravitate to me. I think a 7 year old hit on me while he was riding his tricycle. His name was DeVonte. He told me he liked my shoes. I do have Indian in my family just like everyone else in America. I could eat cheese on just about everything. I have a hard time giving men compliments. I'm afraid of heights. I love lists, love em love em love em. I like to cuddle while sleeping. I'm still a tomboy at heart. I love reading away messages. I used to think I would marry Ray J, then he messed with Lil' Kim and Britney Spears so I had to let him go. Once I start laughing its hard for me to stop, same with crying. I hate crying in public.

Get over it!!

Man today was a good day. I went to church and even though I had to sit in the overflow it was great. The overflow is where they make all the late people sit when they can't fit anymore into the sanctuary and you watch the service on televisions. Usually this makes me wanna just go home because basically you could sit at home on your own couch and have access to a kitchen....But today was different. I felt God in the overflow. I could tell the others probably felt the same way as me but I was feeling the praise and worship today. It was hard at first when you're the only one clapping but I just had to do it.

The entire service was a blessing. I realized the importance of worshipping with others. I know there were times when I just didn't feel like being large groups of people and I would say "Oh, I'll just sit in my room and read my Bible on my own." Of course I probably wouldn't do it. But my friends made me get dressed and go to church because they said the devil attacks you the most when you isolate yourself so you need to be around people of God. And I ended up thanking them in the end.

Today's message was about forgiveness and what the pastor said was:

Forgiveness is the greatest challenge of our lives. In the Bible it is actually a financial term meaning 'cancelling out debts'. He said in order to forgive you must do two things-
1. Get over it!! (that's exactly what he said!)
- It happened, its over. Unforgiveness can act as a poison spreading through out your entire life. Keeping records of wrongs will wreck your life. As in 2 Corinthians 13:5, it says love keeps no record of wrongs...The strength does not come from holding the grudge, it comes from forgiving.
2. Get on with your life!
- Move on with your life and don't worry about that person. God will take care of it. Unforgiveness and spite only hurts you, not the other person.

So yeah I learned a lot today. For one, that I need to forgive some people because I have been holding on to some pain for a while. And that I need to ask for forgiveness for some things. But after today I'm not taking that pain with me, its gone.

Spoiled

I am in a bad mood today. But I do have a few things I want to discuss.

I realized lately how I have been spoiled by me and my best friends' relationship. After 8 years of friendship, she knows me inside and out. Even with all the changes we have gone through while in college. I think that the only reason our relationship has lasted this long is because of God. He has really been the center of our friendship since the beginning. We would never still be friends if God hadn't stepped in sometimes. Making me apologize for being selfish or telling her not to place expectations on me. And just as I am writing this blog I realize that my best relationships have God as the center, all the rest come and go.

Also I must apologize to some of my friends because I am guilty of placing expectations upon them. I feel like after knowing someone for a minute, there are just some things you should know. Like what really pisses them off. You should be able to know that....And if you don't, do you really know them?

Looking back on my friendship with Milyaka(best friend) I remember that we have been through so much relationship wise. We've cried, we've yelled, we've stopped talking to each other. But in every argument God showed us where we were at fault, gave us the strength to apologize and we would reconcile, never looking back. And if we did look back that means the issue was never resolved so we would have to talk it out until it was.

And now with my friendships in college, they were kind of automatic. They didn't take as long to foster and we are close. So now when issues come up, I have a hard time understanding why they react like they do. They should already know right? Wrong..... I am sorry for assuming you all know my quirks, I'll work on that. As for you all, I will stop assuming I know you as well because I am sure I don't. At least not completely and that's probably my fault.

I remember coming to college being so happy to be away from home with freedom. But sometimes lonliness would creep in being without Milyaka. Me and Larry(roomie) would talk about theres nothing like just being with people just KNOW you and ACCEPT you for who you are. We both felt like we were missing that sometimes.

That's one reason why I was upset when my old roommate Tiff moved out. Not that Theory isn't a great roomie because she is and we've been homies for years. Tiff just understands me and my personality because we are like minded. We even joke that we share a brain and it was so scary that we could communicate without speaking. We've never really had a real falling out. I don't know whether to consider that a good thing or a bad thing. You know trials can either bring you closer or separate you even more.

But me and Milyaka are NOTHING alike. We don't even think alike and she's my BEST FRIEND! I've heard some people say, I would never put you two in the same room with each other. We balance each other. She is the dramatic, crazy, loud one. I am the quiet, calm one. I admit I can be dramatic too, but not with her. You can't have two crazy, dramatic people in the same vicinity for long, they may blow each other up. I've seen it happen.

I think I do that a lot with people I meet. I try and make a balance. If you're quiet, I'll speak up. You're boistrous, I'll let you take the spotlight. That's why I say I am a complex person. I don't think that when I seem shy at times or when I act crazy that I am not being true to my personality because it is ALL me. I am all those things. So when people say things like "That's not like you", it pisses me off because that just shows how much they don't know me. Anyone who really knew me would say, "Hey, she's capable of anything." Don't place me in a box just so you can feel like you've figured me out.

To end on a good note. I am very blessed to have the friends I have. They are the best. Even those friendships that didn't work out, I feel like they were all to teach me things. There are no regrets. I'm constantly learning and trying to apply those lessons. God is really really working on my character. So I press on.

Well those are my thoughts, let me know what you think.

A New Day

Lil' Kim~ No Time





The last couple days I been working with very little sleep. If you know me you know, I get really cranky when I don't get sleep. So I was looking really mean yesterday. But I was fly because I would rather look mean than to'(torn) down and crazy. I put my Dior scarf on cus I had washed my hair and slapped it into a pontytail. Not a good one either cus Tiff stole my black girl brush. Ya know the ones with the hard bristles. I started to wear my shades to cover the bags, but it was cloudy and that woulda been soooo diva. But I made up for it. When I got home at 7pm, I went to sleep and didn't wake up till 7am. Now, I'm all refreshed and I got mad energy! Sleep is good!!

Song break:
*singing* He's outta my liiiife! *singing*

I'm sad y'all....Guess everything happens for a reason.

End song break.


Got lots of stuff to do today. Phone calls to make, people to see, forms to fill out. Got my facebookin out the way this mornin and I'm writing my blog now soo hopefully I can stay on task.

Somebody I consider my brother is coming out today. I'd known he was on line like the whole time even though he didn't tell me. Hampton is a small school y'all, everybody knows everyones business. I missed talkin to him, that's my homie aka the love of my life(just kidding!). I'm proud of the kid, he stuck it out. But tell me what you think? Is it really worth it? The humiliation, lack of sleep? I shole hope so. It wasn't for me. But I know I woulda been THE BEST "insert sorority here" ever. Reppin from here to Africa!

Well anyway, I'm runnin out of things to say...so Ima go. Make sure y'all get some sleep! Its good for ya!

I'm focused man!

I've had my break, done my partying, now its time to get myself together. Graduation is not too far away people. I need to pass my classes and hope that Hampton doesn't come up with another reason to keep me behind. I gotta get a job. If you say you're graduating, then you either have to have a job or be going to grad school. I have neither. Before the break, I couldn't see the horizon but now its like 5 weeks away......Insane!

Man last semester should have switched to this semester. I rarely had to work even though I had class everyday. Now I only have class twice a week, but I never wanna go and I always have work to do.....Can't win for losin.

I gotta get my work together so I can have time to party and not worry about being behind. My homegirl is having like a black tie gala for her birthday in Indianapolis so I gotta have everything done because I'm definitely going.

But I have too much to do, too little time, and too many distractions. I'm starting to get stressed out. So I guess I'm not quite focused.....yet. I need some coffee and some No-Doze, stat!!

Miss Me?

I'm finally back from my big birthday weekend of fun. Of course I have to talk about the party, but first I must say I love my friends soooo much. They are the greatest and they have made this my best birthday so far. It just keeps gettin better every year.

Well on my birthday I had a co-ed slumber party. Real grown and sexy like. It wasn't huge or anything, just some of my closest friends. We got some of it on video but as the night went on and the drinks became more frequent, people quit picking up the camera. I decided to give awards and superlatives for my party goers. So here goes.

The first award goes to the only person that I had not met before the party. His name is Russell and my homie Nehemiah invited him to the party. For not knowing everyone at the party, I have to give it to Russell. He did a good job of getting to know everyone. So I give him the:
Best Circulation Award
Yes he got around at the party. He also hit on every girl there....so I also give him the: Party Whore Award
Its cool, nobody minded.

Next I award the:
Ike Turner Award
to my big brother Donnie for beating up every woman in the party including myself. Don't worry it was harmless slumber party pillow fighting....although he did hit me with a bedroom slipper.......a couple few times...


For the people that did not sip on anything but was actin just as crazy as the drunk folks, I give the
Sober but Silly Award
to Tiff, Holly, Reese and Kyrha

Most Likely to Incriminate Himself on Tape
goes to Tex. You know why.........

Closet Drunk Award
goes to Nehemiah because I don't think I ever saw him take a sip, but clearly I look up and there's an empty bottle of Hypnotiq sitting next him...........

Best Hostess Award
goes to my roomie Theory because she got her party on, cooked eggs, sausage, bacon, french toast, and pancakes for everyone at 3 am and when I woke up the next morning the place was nearly spotless! Not bad homie!


The only person that did not spend the night, Jermaine gets the
Party Pooper Award
He shoulda been cramped up and squished like the rest of us! Instead I'm assuming he went home to sleep in his own bed.......

My old roomate Tiff got me a margarita set for my birthday. Tell me why the only people NOT drinking were making the margarita's? Mixing every thing totally wrong and wouldn't even taste it to see if the measurements were correct.


Some one did call the police on us. Here's a re-enactment.

Kyhra: The police are here. (In the same tone of voice as saying "The pizza's here")
Me: Are you serious?
Kyhra: Yup
Me: Did you open the door?
Kyhra: Nope, I just looked out the window.

I go to the door, hoping he doesn't notice I've been drinking..............

Officer: You probably know why I'm here....
Me: Hi! Yeah, I'm sorry is the music too loud?
Officer: Yeah, someone called in an anonymous complaint.
Me: Well if they had just come by I would have turned it down.....(Like we woulda heard it anyway..)
Officer: Well you look like you're alright, so I guess its ok as long as we don't get another call.
Me: Oh no, it won't be a problem. Its my birthday and my friends are here.......
Officer: Oh how does it feel to be 16?
Me: (This is good, he's joking. I must be in the clear!) I'm not 16! I'm 22!
Officer: Well you have a nice night.
Me: No problem

Man Police make me nervous.....Glad no one went to jail! And the party continued....with lower music.

It was a real cool slumber party. We stayed up all night. Had a sorta truth or dare that ended with me and Tiff having wet socks and Theory locked outside heheh.....We had our lil late night discussions. No one threw up. There was no nudity, which is good...especially on my part. And I didn't make out with anyone. Go ME!! Great party! I had a fun time and that's all that mattered....cus it was my party! That's all...till next time!

Yeah Aight

Man, this weather is insane! Yesterday it was a bright, sunny, warm day..........Today: SNOW! Can you believe it? And it looks like its tryin to stay for a bit too... Hmmm. So Theory looks like it wouldn't matter whether you stayed or went, you'd still be in the snow. I'm sure its probably not as crucial as it is up there but just the same..... My friends' power went out, so they should be coming over shortly. Anybody in the area without power come over! We can have an indoor picnic! It'll be fun!

I decided to put you on to my newest addiction.....thefacebook.com. Its a directory of college students where you can find all types of people from your high school or from common interest. You can join all these groups with crazy folks just like you. I think its interesting the groups people make up. Here are the groups I've joined:

Adult Swim...Do you do it?
Aquateen Hunger Force
Callin.....all Pisces and all Pisces Lovas
Divas Unite!( All women from my freshman dorm)
Divas!!!!!(See above)
Family Guy
G.R.I.T.S. Girls Raised In The South
HU's Southern Ladies
I Wear My Sunglasses At Night
I Luv Slow Jams
I'm Not Quiet....You Just Talk Too Much!
It's a Midwest Thang!
Passions...( for the soap opera)
People who Seem Oddly Addicted to Facebook
Procrastinators Unite!!...Tomorrow
Sprint to Sprint
shh! Not While ANTM is on
Student Recruitment Team
Tats & Piercings
The Game Room is Where I'll Be....
You always liked me, you just didn't know it

And I even started 3 groups of my own:

Oklahoma, stand UP!!
I can't leave my house unglossed
I'm from the suburbs, but I'm so hood.....


Yeah these are definitely descriptive of me.....And there are like 200 more groups that don't apply to me but ya know whatever. People are making new groups everyday and I keep looking for new ones.

Speaking of piercings my friend just got her nose pierced, I'm not a big fan of facial piercings and I've made that known.....But ya know.......Whatever

Man! The sun just came out with a vengeance. Looks like that snow isn't gonna last after all...thats cool.


I just saw Diary of a Mad Black Woman last night. For those who aren't familiar with the Medea plays, Tyler Perry is the creator of several Christian plays about relationships centered around the character 'Medea'. She's a heathen of a grandma who's always tryin to pop a cap in somebody. Her kids and grandkids run to her when something is going wrong in their lives. It was good I must say. I don't wanna tell the movie but there's a part where.......well I'm not gonna say, but I was crackin up!!!

There was some really good messages in the movie, especially about forgiveness. I remember Sicily Tyson's character saying something about when someone hurts you they have power over you and until you forgive them, they keep that power. So you must forgive not only for them but for you. There were some other good ones too, so yeah go see that.

Well, I'm hungry.....And I'm sittin here in front of the computer......That don't even make sense.....sooo ttyl.

My Daddy

Prepare yourself, this might get kinda sappy.....

Luther Vandross~ Dance with my father

This is something kinda personal to me. My daddy and I don't have the best relationship. I'm not even sure how he feels about it....My parents were divorced when I was 12. Until then my Dad thought he was my best friend. He used to talk to me about everything. I felt like I was his psychiatrist. An 11 year old should not be giving advice to a grown man about life. I always felt like I raised my father and he's still not an adult. Whenever he would say 'Oh you're just like me', I'd cringe. That's the last thing I wanted. You know as you grow up, you start to look at your parents less like parents and more like people. My dad is a spoiled man who never really learned how take care of himself. He's always needed a woman around to take care of him. But it ain't gone be me, I'm sorry.


I hope and pray that whole saying about you always end up with a man like your father is not true. I think that's one of my greatest fears. Another is that I will end up like my father.....I pray about that all the time. I want to love my father so much, but he just keeps letting me down time after time after time. After a person lets you down that much its hard to believe anything they say.... So I don't. Words hold very little weight with me. I usually wait to see a person's actions and go from there. I mean you can say it, but that does not mean you mean it. At the same time, I'm learning that some things need to be said. For example, you can show a person you love them but if you never say it, it's like doing nothing at all. Believe it or not.... I have communication issues. I hate talking about the way I feel....... But I can write about it. I'm learning to speak up. People rarely listen or care so I never thought it would make a difference. But my cousin once told me 'Silence does not always keep the peace'.


And I know its so cliche but it does affect my male relationships. There are very few men I trust or believe what they say. Which makes it hard to actually have a relationship. Where does the healing begin? Right now. Its gonna be hard and its gonna take time, but it can happen. When I think about my marriage, I just know its gonna be beautiful. Nothing like my parents'. I'm not saying they didn't love each other because I believe they did and still do. And I'm not saying they were not right for each other because it could have worked out. I just don't think they tried to keep it together and after awhile there was no point. Neither has really forgiven the other for their mistakes. I can tell that they both are still deeply hurt even after 10 years of divorce.

My dad just has not grown any since I have known him. I haven't seen that he has learned anything. And now I'm just tired of talking to him. I really don't have any more to say. He's never been abusive or anything like that, I always knew he loved me....He just never learned how to be a man. I love my daddy and I always will, but I don't know what else to do. Our relationship makes me more pessimistic about life and love. And I cannot live life like that. I pray that I am able to realize my faults and try to correct them. I pray that God shows me what I need to change. I see the road I am headed for if I don't by looking at my father. You must always continue to grow in life....Or you die, spiritually and mentally.


I have always envied my friends who have great relationships with their fathers. Its a beautiful thing, the father-child relationship. Daddies just have so much power. Taking nothing from mothers, we know they can be the best too. But with fathers it's different. Men don't even realize what effect they have. I think its important that a father teach his daughter what to look for in a man and how he should treat her. I remember one of my friends said her dad took her out on a date to show her how it should go. I have some friends who either don't have a father or never had a real relationship with their father and I think its crazy that they envy me! Is it better to have a whack father or none at all? I know it's hard to be a parent. You are responsible for the type of people that go out into society. I give mad props to those that do it well. One thing that deters me from sex is that if I slip up and make a mistake, I'm afraid I'm not ready to be the parent I want to be. And my kids don't deserve a half ass parent (excuse the language, what's another word for half ass?).


I don't know why I am sharing this information. I've always written better and more expressively than I speak. Maybe there's someone out there who needs to read this. Maybe it was just for me to get it out. Its probably because its Spring Break and every break I begin to think way too deeply about EVERYTHING because all of the time I have. But I leave you with this.....I love my father, I hope one day I get to dance with him.

That's love

Oh my! ' Their Eyes Were Watching God' was a good movie! Very sexy. If you missed it, I hope they do a recast for ya. That's all I can say.....I taped it though. If you in the area maybe I'll let you come watch.....I dunno. Halle Berry is beautiful! You can't hate on her physically......I'm still mad at her for Monster's Ball though.

Is that really me?

Beyonce~Crazy in Love



What was life like before the Beyonce booty bounce?

My roommate was taping me with her camcorder. As I watched the playback, I was listening to my voice and I thought is that how I sound? No wonder people laugh at me when I'm mad. I sound five years old y'all! I always wondered when guys would imitate me they would alway use this high pitched exaggeration of me. But apparently it wasn't an exaggeration...that's how I sound. So now I will work on bringing my voice down to a sexy lower tone. Its crazy lately I've been realizing how much I don't pay attention to myself. It was like watching and listening to a stranger. Actors must really be in touch with themselves and their mannerisms. If you watch Beyonce you can tell she knows her face and the way her body works. She's always posing and her poses are almost always perfect. I wonder how much time they spend in front of the mirror.

Man! Today I almost lost my life y'all. She's a new driver, but she got a car before everyone else. I'm always cautious whenever I get in the car with her, but I try not to let it show so I don't make her nervous. I remember how I was when I first started driving and nervous passengers made me even more nervous. She knows she's not the best driver and usually lets me drive, but today she drove to church, Wal-Mart and then we went to eat at CiCi's Pizza. She was doing a great job. I was very proud. As we were turning into the parking lot she hestitated too long waiting for some cars to pass and then when she decided to go, there was a Jeep heading straight for our side! I mean I was really scared and so was our other friend Kyrha because if we had gotten hit it would have hit her side.....Thankfully the Jeep hit its brakes and my friend sped up so we didn't collide. Thank you God!

Tonight I'm spending some time with my girls. We're gonna watch that Oprah movie with Halle Berry "Their Eyes Are Watching God". My lil sis told me all about the book and made me curious about it. I'm excited! And Ima cook something....I haven't done that in a long time! And its probably something ready-made. Like my roommate Larry says 'they just don't make women like they used to'. But shoot, I got things to do. Ain't got time for made from scratch items. Ima learn how to cook for real one day. I can make some things but it ain't like Mama's. I'm still young. I got time and I ain't married yet. I'll tell you this though..... Me and my husband are gonna have to split the cooking duties....

Life is funny..........

There are so many things I wanna talk about, I don't even know where to start!

Well first of all we finally got this site at Hampton called thefacebook.com. Where you can look up people around your school with common interests, high school friends and people from all over the the world! Its crazy and its addictive. Once you start and people start sending you messages and 'poking you', you just want more! So I'm tryin to get all my friends on there... You can check out my profile. AND another thing is you can search anyone by name. I found out there are 5 other people with my name! Exact same spelling and everything. And my name isn't that common....

I've changed my picture like 5 times since I joined and that was only two days ago.....Me and my roomie had to have another photoshoot of course! But we didn't take as many as last time. This one was much more intimate......low lighting, on the bed.....oh yeahhhhh. Just for y'all. It was nice.



A funny thing happened to me at Wal-Mart yesterday....I was cruisin the aisles pricing memory sticks cus I'm tired of carry all these floppy's around and I know I'm so technologically behind, when a guy comes up to me and says "You have a nice smile. Oh! And dimples...do it again!". So we begin to converse and he's cute, a lil too short for me... but cute. He has an southern twang and I think, its gotta be Louisiana. Turns out I'm right! And his accent brings out my accent and we just sound all kindsa country. Next thing I know we've been talkin for like twenty minutes and I realize I don't know his name. At the end of our conversation I knew almost half his life and didn't know his name. So I ask him, I say nice to meet you and continue on my way..... He didn't ask for my number and I don't think that was the point of the conversation....I think he was lonely, people in this area are either in college or the military so its understandable being away from home and all. It was such a nice conversation. I had to write about it.

Oh yeah! I finally got my present from my secret Valentine........I'm kinda disappointed y'all. Its a lil pink bunny with a mirrored pastel bowtie. Not even big enough to cuddle with.*shaking my head* I guess I should be appreciative.....Its just after waiting that long, I was hoping for something more....and I was so proud of my gift for my secret Valentine......Oh well.....That's my complaining for the day. Back to the happy stuff!!


Spring Break is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm about to explode!!! Time to dance around the house lookin crazy. 'Ima maaaaniac, maaaniaaaac!!' Join in! You know you want to. I think it really will be a great time. I'm gonna rent a car so I can go joy riding if I want to, my birthday is Friday (the big two-two!) !! So exciting! Feel free to send your love.

Karma

How big a part do you think karma plays in the things that happen to us? I know its a Bhuddist concept, but a lot Christians believe that what goes around comes around. But what happens when stuff happens to you and you ain't did nothing? Is that karma from way back when you forgot? What are the statutes of limitations? How long does it take for something to get back to you? When does it end?

You don't have to answer, just some things I've been wondering....

On the Grind

Big Tymers~Gangsta Girl

On the day I make the decision start goin to all my classes, all of them are cancelled except for the one I went to last Thursday! I was shocked but shooot that's aight! And in the class I went to we got our tests back and I got a 95!!!! This is a class that everyone has trouble with and the tests are crucial. I almost fell outta my chair. I gave my test a kiss and put it on the fridge! Thats an accomplishment. This day was starting out well..... but I tried not to get too excited. That's when everything goes wrong. So I went home. Took a tremendous nap. It was lovely......

Later on me and my roomie went to the gym. As I said earlier, I ain't tryin to lose weight. I'm tryin to get in shape. I get winded goin upstairs to my room! That ain't right for a 21 year old woman. So I did a lil cardio to get the heart pumpin and some weight training to tone up the muscles......Ima be so sore tomorrow.

Looking around the gym, I wondered why everyone else was in there. Some had weight loss goals, some folks are just gym junkies, and some were looking to see who else was there. I felt like the dudes just took over the gym.....I stayed away from the machines that had too much weight on them so I wouldn't look like a damsel in distress trying to take them off. I had to be tough and strong! That's how you do in the gym!

After I got my workout, I had to go on over to the game room.....That just completed my day. It was a good day for pool. I lost a couple times but overall I played really well. All the games came down to the eight ball which is always good.

So it was like the perfect day!! I have NOTHING to complain about.....Ima have to put this day in my pocket and remember it on those days when I feel like complaining. I wish you the same kind of day.