Spoiled

I am in a bad mood today. But I do have a few things I want to discuss.

I realized lately how I have been spoiled by me and my best friends' relationship. After 8 years of friendship, she knows me inside and out. Even with all the changes we have gone through while in college. I think that the only reason our relationship has lasted this long is because of God. He has really been the center of our friendship since the beginning. We would never still be friends if God hadn't stepped in sometimes. Making me apologize for being selfish or telling her not to place expectations on me. And just as I am writing this blog I realize that my best relationships have God as the center, all the rest come and go.

Also I must apologize to some of my friends because I am guilty of placing expectations upon them. I feel like after knowing someone for a minute, there are just some things you should know. Like what really pisses them off. You should be able to know that....And if you don't, do you really know them?

Looking back on my friendship with Milyaka(best friend) I remember that we have been through so much relationship wise. We've cried, we've yelled, we've stopped talking to each other. But in every argument God showed us where we were at fault, gave us the strength to apologize and we would reconcile, never looking back. And if we did look back that means the issue was never resolved so we would have to talk it out until it was.

And now with my friendships in college, they were kind of automatic. They didn't take as long to foster and we are close. So now when issues come up, I have a hard time understanding why they react like they do. They should already know right? Wrong..... I am sorry for assuming you all know my quirks, I'll work on that. As for you all, I will stop assuming I know you as well because I am sure I don't. At least not completely and that's probably my fault.

I remember coming to college being so happy to be away from home with freedom. But sometimes lonliness would creep in being without Milyaka. Me and Larry(roomie) would talk about theres nothing like just being with people just KNOW you and ACCEPT you for who you are. We both felt like we were missing that sometimes.

That's one reason why I was upset when my old roommate Tiff moved out. Not that Theory isn't a great roomie because she is and we've been homies for years. Tiff just understands me and my personality because we are like minded. We even joke that we share a brain and it was so scary that we could communicate without speaking. We've never really had a real falling out. I don't know whether to consider that a good thing or a bad thing. You know trials can either bring you closer or separate you even more.

But me and Milyaka are NOTHING alike. We don't even think alike and she's my BEST FRIEND! I've heard some people say, I would never put you two in the same room with each other. We balance each other. She is the dramatic, crazy, loud one. I am the quiet, calm one. I admit I can be dramatic too, but not with her. You can't have two crazy, dramatic people in the same vicinity for long, they may blow each other up. I've seen it happen.

I think I do that a lot with people I meet. I try and make a balance. If you're quiet, I'll speak up. You're boistrous, I'll let you take the spotlight. That's why I say I am a complex person. I don't think that when I seem shy at times or when I act crazy that I am not being true to my personality because it is ALL me. I am all those things. So when people say things like "That's not like you", it pisses me off because that just shows how much they don't know me. Anyone who really knew me would say, "Hey, she's capable of anything." Don't place me in a box just so you can feel like you've figured me out.

To end on a good note. I am very blessed to have the friends I have. They are the best. Even those friendships that didn't work out, I feel like they were all to teach me things. There are no regrets. I'm constantly learning and trying to apply those lessons. God is really really working on my character. So I press on.

Well those are my thoughts, let me know what you think.