What did u say?

We will all be held accountable for the words we say. And its even more serious because once you say words, you cannot take them back. I've been saying a lot lately and the bottom line is: I should take my own advice. In most cases the advice is beyond me anyway. It's God speaking through me and its good advice.

One thing I asked for in prayer is that God would expose anything about me that is not like Him. That anything that would hinder my growth in God be brought to the forefront. Well, God does answer prayer.

Now, in my asking to be exposed there is the actual exposure part I have to deal with. It's often times embarrassing and very hard to go through it. But if you can admit that you're wrong for ever you've done and not try and cover it up, it usually means you want to change for the better. Some people are caught red handed in their mess and still deny they ever did it. I want to change for the better.

I have seen some things that I didn't even realize I did. Some things I didn't realize I was still doing.

All I can do now is accept the responsibility..... and the consequences. Oh yes, there are consequences. With every lil bit of exposure, I risk losing a lot. But it's because of my own doing.

Then I have to forgive myself, because if I use all my time sulking and wallowing in my failures, I might miss my blessing. And I have to forgive others for anything I may be holding against them. If we don't forgive others, how can we expect to be forgiven? You know the funny thing is, it's pretty easy for me to forgive. Bitterness weighs me down and makes it too easy to be depressed. But I often go to the extreme with my head in the clouds and forget other things too that set me up for the fall.

During my purity graduation, the prophet told me I know how to keep God's secrets and He has entrusted me with much. That's an awesome responsibility. It can also seem overwhelming if I let it. But the flip side of that is, I've fallen off from keeping other secrets. I had this thing like word vomit and sometimes when I tell myself to keep something, I end up telling. Not everything, trust, but usually its the very time I should keep my mouth shut.

The great thing about God is while I am being put out there is that He's a great and patient teacher. The God of a second, third, fourth, fifth to seventieth chance. With people sometimes we aren't as fortunate. What can we do? Deal with it.

So while I am being exposed and transparent. For the people who know me, they have a choice. They can cover me with prayer or choose to intensify my exposure. In his book Teach me how to love you, Thomas Weeks says, " If a man can love your weaknesses, he'll adore your strengths." I believe the same goes in family and friendships. Some peoples' weaknesses we just don't want to or have to deal with and that's a choice.

All I can do is take things as they are. Continuing to grow and change, hoping I don't run too many people off and learn from mistakes the first time I make them (not the fifteenth time like I usually do!).