I spent half the day a couple of Saturdays ago sangin. And when I say sangin I mean belting out notes like I never have before even when I was alone. I don't call myself a singer because I've never taken the time to develop this particular gift. It gave me an appreciation for those who practice, train their voices and take care of their vocal chords. And it showed me that I also that I do not want to sing for a living. However, it’s on my list of goals to start developing more of my natural gifts and talents. I had planned on having an actual day every week to publish a blog, but somewhere along the way my social life took off!
Anyway, after all of that I realized that I'd never pushed myself that hard in all the years I've been singing. There are a lot of things I never pushed myself to do or develop and I’m thinking its left me in a revolving state of apathy. So many things I could do, but don’t. Would I be more fulfilled if I worked harder? How high could I reach if I put in more time?
Even in high school I was involved with many activities, but I sailed through most of them. I got a 3.0, not even trying. Graduated from college and hardly worked to my potential. As I look back, I could get really disappointed. But I really want to learn from this. Come out of the hole of complacency. To tell you the truth, before Christ I had no ambition to do anything. NONE. I did what I thought I should do and clearly not to the best of my ability.
This seems to be a common theme in my life. I feel like the wrong one in the parable of the talents. You know, the one that buried his talents (Matthew25:14-28). But why have I buried them? That parable says he buried what he was given out of fear. Now we’re getting somewhere. Although, my reason for not shooting for the stars before was a lack of ambition, now the excuse has to be fear.
So what is the solution? Well for me it began with outlining goals. And that was something that was recently done. Next in the plan is creating discipline. This is especially hard for a go with the flow type of person like me. Waking up early when I don’t have a clear reason to. Cleaning EVERYDAY. Studying when there’s no visible test in front of me. Tuning in to hear the Lord when I’m not fasting. And for real, sometimes I totally feel like I have ADD because I have the hardest time focusing and concentrating when I’m not busy.
I’ve got lots of excuses as to why I haven’t done what I can. I’ve read the books on purpose and I’m still trying to mentally get to the point where I believe I actually can reach those goals. Yeah, it’s a process. I’m positive every time I post a blog that I chose the right name for it. Where do we go from here? To the moon!!!
I'm positive that I sow so many seeds into my fellow bloggers by reading and commenting lol.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Kita, i often study that parable and see myself reflected in that guy who hid his talents as well. He was afraid to step out for fear of losing them. Fear of failure. That has been the thorn in my paw since college. College was the first thing in my life that didnt go as I planned and suddnely, the child prodigy was just another nobody. That's how i felt and feel sometimes. Truth is, I got so many talents that its hard to figure what to focus on so I do nothing. I know it isnt good, but that's the way it is sometimes. So i guess I'm asking myself the same question proposed in your blog title. Where do I go from here?
You remind yourself of what the Word says "we don't have a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind" Start pushing yourself. Thats what I plan to do. And you have a partner. Ask her to help you push.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Kita! I have never had a clear picture of what I wanted to do in life. I figureed I get a job and work. That plan hasnt worked out well lol! I hoping for direction at some point. Ive always been jealous of people with clear plans in life.
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