"If at anytime [in a relationship] you can tell someone WHY you love them you no longer love them."
When I heard this statement I instantly knew what it meant, but there seemed to be some confusion. I'm not saying you have to agree with me but I want to clarify. I am almost certain that I quoted the speaker correctly because I am human I could have made a mistake. The only word I am questioning is "can".
Now I am not saying that you shouldn't say why you love someone or that people won't. Undoubtedly at some time in your relationship you will feel led to say, "I love you because....". And I am sure its true for you. I still feel that if you love someone there is no way you could possibly tell them ALL the ways that you love them. It's sort of like "Oh how I love thee, let me count the ways...." I don't think you can. It should be limitless. I'm a romantic, what can I say.
As Tiff and I got into heated discussion I tried to explain what I felt when I heard this statement. It was made before a sermon about God being our source and our father. All things come from him. Love is inexplicable and God is love. I felt that he was talking about love as God loves us, its unconditional. God doesn't tell us why he loves us, but he shows us. And I'm sure at times we all do things that are pretty unloveable, but there is nothing we can do to make God stop loving us. Nothing.
There are different kinds of love. Storge: familial love, Eros: erotic, sensual love, Agape: all encompassing, unconditional love, Philia: friendship love and I read about this fifth love, affirmation which has to do with both giving and recieving love. Usually when people say why they love someone they say, 'Its because you do this' or 'You make me feel like this' or 'I love when you do this'. Those are all conditions that can change. If they don't do that thing or they no longer make you feel that way, will you stop loving them? If so then its not love. As 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserves. Love never fails." I love those scriptures.
Then I asked in what instance would you ask why? Something in my spirit felt wrong about that question. Why? To ask the question why holds insecurity. If you have to ask why about someone's feelings, most of the time its because you don't believe that they feel the same way as you do. Why are you my friend? Why do you love me? Or you just don't know why and you're asking to find out. WHY don't you know? I feel that if you are in a Godly relationship, as it should be, then God will let you know that that person loves you. If you have to doubt then its not love.
I also think the people that asked me about this statement were not thinking about a Christian relationship. Maybe they were thinking about past relationships. And for the record, history together is not a reason you love someone. It's a stronghold. You might stay in the relationship because of history, but that's not why you love them.
In that same instance, I pray that my husband's life is in line with God's will. That he and I both deal with whatever spiritual issues that we have to deal with long before we get married. The Bible says wives should be submissive to your husbands, but I believe that the husband should be worthy of submission. He has to be the head of the household so I pray that he is able to lead. I've had a hard time dealing with the issue of submission, never having witnessed a man worthy of submission. But I don't think I would have a problem doing that if I found a man who was worth it. Now that's my own issue, but yeah I hope I cleared up the love issue.
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