Avery long road

When I think about where I first learned about God and Church, I think about my aunt Kate. I spent most of my summers with her as a child. She taught me the Lord’s Prayer and we went to church whenever there was a church service to go to. That was all the church I got. At home we didn’t go to church even though my fathers’ dad was a pastor of his own church and my mother had grown up in the church as well.

We went to the most boring church on earth. The pastor talked……….like……….this. The whole service. I often found it hard to stay awake especially since we were there from 9am to 3pm. So I slept most services and this was accepted since I was a child. Then one day I felt I was too old to fall asleep in church and I tried really hard to pay attention. I first gave my life to Christ when I was 11 years old. I even cried when I did it. I felt moved. However, how hard is it to live for God at 11? I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I stayed out of trouble for the most part. There was nothing for me to get into or so I thought. I didn’t know what the other kids were doing until much, much later.

The next time I really looked at my spiritual life was in high school with my best friend Milyaka. She always invited me to her church and most of the time I said ‘Oh no thanks’. Mostly because she went to a white church and I could never get into the worship. But as our friendship grew so did my relationship with Christ. I finally found out what it meant to walk the walk. That doesn’t mean I really did it though. I had some issues with rebellion. Not the type of rebellion you think though. I never rebelled against my parents because they never made any rules. Even to this day, if everybody is doing something I won’t do it. If someone tells me not to do something, I wanna do it. Ultimately, if I felt like doing something, I would do it. Sometimes that wouldn’t be the best thing for me though and I learned many a lesson that way.

When I came to college, Milyaka and I had completed a bible study through the summer named A Call to Die coming from the verse Matthew 16:24 “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any one would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.“ The bible study included a forty day fast from something. I fasted from secular music which was incredibly hard seeing as music is my life. But I got through it and when I came to college me and God were like thisclose. I was all prayed up and everybody could see it. God even set me up with a Christian roommate and I was great.

Then year by year, my faith got torn apart piece by piece. I became someone I didn’t even recognize and didn’t care. I shut myself off from God and everyone else, gave into all my curiosities and got hurt in the process. I look back and I see God was there every step of the way just waiting for me to wise up. He was still letting me know the deal even when I ignored Him.

I think this summer alone I’ve rededicated myself at least 3 times but something was different about this last time. There was no crying, no guilt or shame, just realization that it was time. I want to learn all there is to know. I’m interested in becoming the woman God wants me to be. There can’t be any distractions and I’m strong enough to say no to temptations now.

I know it’s gonna get harder. I can already see some of the things that will test me, but I have a peace about my life now. I know how to handle them.