Good Times, Good Times

I love how Jon B’s new CD begins:
Feels like nothing’s gonna stop me now, getting better and stronger everyday.

You know how sometimes you have those days or weeks of doubt, deep depression or just feeling down? Even I, the ultimate optimist goes through this sometimes. I went through that last weekend. I’ve been dealing with some things on my own for a while now and it all just came down on me at once. But I was surprised to find out that I was not the only one going through a valley like this.

Depression makes you so self-involved that you can’t see that other people around you are having problems too. If I could have just looked around maybe we would have been able to lean on each other. Being depressed is such a waste of time! Thank God I have great friends who won’t let me stay down. Reminding me that my faith is stronger than these obstacles. Telling me that they are there for me. They made me promise that I wouldn’t hold it in for so long the next time something is bothering me.

It ain’t that easy. I’ve been doing things by myself for so long that that’s what I’m used to doing. I handle things by myself. And I don’t like to bother people when I need stuff. What I have learned is that you have to let the people who care about you know when you are having issues or it looks like you are pushing them away. But my friends are sooooo hard headed and they wouldn’t allow themselves to be pushed away.

I realize that I am a work in progress. I will continue to make mistakes. Sometimes the same mistakes. Hopefully I will be prepared next time. I’m sure I will get depressed again but Ima try not to let it get me down as badly as it did. I keep in mind all the lectures I’ve gotten from my friends and I may actually listen this time guys!

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.
Proverbs 12:25

Ehhh

Missy Elliott~ Beep Me 911

Got off to a slow start today. I haven't gotten to the bathroom yet. Plan to tidy up the eyebrows. Haven't done that yet. Still need to put on a shirt although I've been dressed for a couple hours now.

But I have watched some quality television.I watched Date my Mom on MTV and it pretty funny. One mom actually said "F*** you Sean!". Because he didn't pick her daughter. I watched Teamates on ESPN. It was cute, like The Newlyweds show for teammates. Then I caught up on my show Blow Out. I watch it but I don't understand why he gets to charge $200 for a haircut. He does the same thing to everyone and he's slow! He calls every woman a 'babe'. And he cries a lot. They even get to sit in on his therapy sessions. This episode he was doing a fashion show and the designer is yelling at him to hurry because he wants to touch everyone's hair. WE GOT A SHOW TO DO HERE PEOPLE, KEEP IT MOVIN!

I found a typing test online and I have found I need to up my typing score. The fastest I typed was 45 wpm and that's not good enough. If I typed faster I could finish my blog in like 5 mins. Instead on average it takes about half an hour. Longer when I stop to contemplate life.

I had to note that Tiff said I was going to marry someone with a biblical name. She says, "Its gonna be something like Exodus Leviticus Jones." Yeah, Ok Tiff. As soon as I meet Exodus, we're running to the alter. Just because YOU said so.

I read an article in Rolling Stone about Jessica Alba. I think I like that girl. She seems like she would be cool to hang out with. There's something funny she said about the type of girls she hates:



"I can't stand that girl: the poor little girl you have to rescue, the crazy girl," she says. "Its annoying. Stop."

"The more insecure the man, the more likely he will love the crazy girl. And most women who are hot are crazy. Because they don't need to have it together."

Then later on in the article, she talks about her boyfriend and says:

"If I found someone messing with him, I would cut them. It's not even a question of how much I would f*** them up."

That doesn't sound crazy to you? Still gotta love her. You better take up for your man Jessi!

My girls want me to go to a club with them tonight. I don't know it I'm up to it. Not one more night of disappointment.....

Yeah that's about it, now I gotta get back to my obsessive cleaning.

Why? Why? Why?

I hate my computer the more I look at it. I wrote an entire post this morning about something and it got erased. I'm giving up the internet altogether.

I actually understand the meaning of the saying 'bored to tears'. I cleaned my room like its never been cleaned before. Changed it around like trading spaces. Tommorow, I attack the bathroom. Then looks like the living room might get a change. Then I got outdoors. There's an insect nest of some sort out there by the door.

There's a big, beautiful, orange full moon out tonight. I think I sat outside for about an hour enjoying the quiet. Its good sometimes to just listen to the wind or maybe thats just something I like to do.

These days....

Amerie~Why Don't We Fall In Love?


I haven’t had much to write about lately. Haven’t been thinking deeply. Haven’t been doing much either. How do I go on day to day with nothing to do? I can’t stand being idle. I will have to venture out into this 90 degree heat looking for a job. You can’t be comfortable in work wear out in this weather. I think about Milyaka talking about how you can’t possibly be happy in Chicago’s winter weather, but heat is another type of uncomfortable.

I need to start taking my iron pills. Anemia is kickin my butt. I’ll place most of my blame there for non-motivation. The fatigue causes me not to want to do anything but sleep. I keep thinking of all these projects I could be doing. But dag I don’t have any glue. Then I’ll get started and freak it all, I start to get busy. I’m tired of being broke and I’m bored, so I need to get a job. But I’m spoiled and I don’t want to settle for just anything. I want a career. I want to be given a chance. I can do anything. No really. I can. Just give me a lil time with anything and I will get it. Maybe that’s what I need to start putting on my resume. Skills: I can do ANYTHING. It just depends on whether I want to or not.

Had a day with the girls Wednesday, since they finally had a day off and I have everyday off. We went swimming that day and to a club that night. I hate clubs. This white dude with a grill and a do rag on tried to spit at me. EW. Theory kicked some butt in pool even if she was a lil tipsy.

Tiff came down this weekend. That’s my homie, even though I had to beat her down, we made it through the weekend. My girl Yanni invited us to dinner on Saturday and we were enjoying a Sex & the City-like evening until the guys showed up, then we just sounded like perverts.

I admit I am competitive person. Things got a little heated during the Taboo game. I just like to make sure the rules and guidelines are clear so that I know how much I can cheat. No one was hurt. Then came the Scattegories game………Black folks and Scattegories.
Lemme just tell you there were some things that should have never been said in front of mixed company.

I’m sitting and watching Dawson’s Creek and even though I’ve seen the whole season more than five times, this is the first time I have looked at things differently. I used to think Dawson was being a big bratty baby about Pacey and Joey, now I understand. I feel you Dawson!!

I’ve picked up a new show. The OC. I’ve finally jumped on the band wagon. I’m sure it won’t last long. There’s only so much I can take of spoiled, extremely rich, white kids, complaining about problems that they have created and are now trying to find their way out of. It’s kind of entertaining though. Especially that Brody kid. Califorrrnniaaaaa.

Congratulations Juicy on your new career! Now you can't be the insomniac I call at 3am because you're up. I can actually see you in the daylight, now!

Man hating woman

My friends have recently called me a man hater because of my behavior lately. I don't really feel like going to clubs where a lot of them will be. When I say 'man-hating', I don't really mean hate men. I mean I don't feel like being a flirty, giggly, nice, pleasant girl when it comes to men. I don't really have a tolerance for being hit on. That basically means staying out of any social place, post office, airport, practically any public view. I'm not saying that I'm just that fly, but have been known to have appeal. I usually don't care but lately it bothers me a whole lot. The only man that has been able to escape my scorn is Larry and that's because he's my roomate and even he has caught some it. Even though I have this look on my face that says 'don't bother me', it seems to make them wanna try harder which pisses me off even more.

Maybe I just need to stay out the public view when I feel like this. Work with me people. Hopefully its a passing phase. I can't even try not to be mean, things just slip out that are just rude. I should apologize to everyone now. I am sorry everyone. I don't know what you can do to ease things. I can't make any suggestions.

Excuse the Father's Day post. I was misinformed. But I'm gonna leave it because I don't feel like moving it.

Today is today

Jill Scott~Cross my Mind

Lookin at my bills makes any job look good right about now. I'm starting to get into my housewife mode right now. Whenever I have nothing to do I start to obsessively clean everything, make lists about things I cannot afford and plan to do things I never start to do. I might even start cooking again, if someone can bring the groceries.

1. Start scrapbook.
2. Finish thank you cards for graduation.
3. Find job.
4. Keep room spotless.
5. Find a way to keep hair looking presentable in hot, humid weather.
6. Finally learn the Hampton transit system.
7. Get some mace and switchblade.
8. Find out if people who wear turbans swim with their turbans and if so how do they keep them dry for Tiff.
9. Send out angry letters to Hampton University.
10. Edit resume.
11. Find something active to do so that I don't become a blob who stays in her room all day.

The 2nd guy from high school came down this weekend. We all had a good time. Its funny though. I'm not stupid, I realized when he was trying to flirt with me but it felt like ew. Like it was my brother or something. So I know there's no spark there.

It was a fun day, my roomate Larry's birthday. We started the day out on the beach, got cleaned up after the beach (its amazing how much sand you can pick up at the beach!), went out to eat and I finally got that steak I was craving. When came back to the house I made something like pink panties for everybody (with flavored Vodka instead of regular). They liked it, I didn't really drink. I'm tryin to quit. That's another story for another time.

I almost forgot, its Father's day. Happy Father's Day. I don't know where my dad is. I find it funny that my father hasn't called since he promised me a graduation present that I never got. I knew it was a possibility it would never come anyway looking at his history. I guess I was only looking forward to it because I need the money. Despite that I have been blessed. He sure does know how to disappear when he owes people. Guess he won't be a getting a card from me. It's not like I wanted to send one anyway. I'm praying about this situation. It's not good to feel that way about your parents. I don't think God would approve.

Guess I'll help Larry wash his car since he got a new hose for his birthday. Nothing else to do..... Except all those things on that list above.

Guess who's bizzack!

Here I am, I'm back in VA. My departure just snuck up on me because I was so busy last week. I miss my baby already. I keep looking at her pictures.....*SIGH*.



Man its hot out here! It was hot in Oklahoma but I never really went outside. Look at me, been whining about coming back and now I'm complaining. Ima stop. I'm happy to be back. Time to get down to business.

My friends wanted me to go out last night but I had an interview this morning and I had been up since 5am and only 4 hours of sleep. I think it went well. Enterprise seems like a cool place to work. I just would like to work somewhere that's interesting. I'm praying about whether this is for me or not. If it is then I will get it.

I miss my baby! I know I'ma catch myself watching Higgleytown Heroes or The Wiggles. That Doodlebops song is in my head right now! Y'all don't know nothing bout those Doodlebops.....Even though they scare me a lil, but Ray liked em. She's a very happy kid and that's always good. Whenever she sneezed, she would crack up. I love that.



Man, I was reading my girl MisFitz page and I promise we were like seperated at birth sometimes! That's why I love to read her page cus sometimes I'm reading and I find myself shouting at the screen "I FEEL YOU!!". Especially that entry about being asexual. That's my mindset right now. And this non-butt entry, I feel you on that too homie. I'm coming to accept my non-butt and trust me we are not alone.

These commericals crack me up! You bet your sweet Aspircream. LOL.

I gotta take a nap now my brain is shutting down.

Who knew?

Yesterday, when I was talkin about those 'tornado winds' messin up our sidewalk sale I didn't realize they might actually be tornado winds. Hey this is Oklahoma....Later on that night the wind picked up. In some parts of Tulsa it was 90 mph! This morning we woke up and saw trees lying all over the streets. Our power has been out since last night. My mom, sister, niece and I had to go to my aunts' house. Have you ever taken a shower by candle light? It's actually kinda nice...romantic even. I might try that some other time.

I had to hang up on Tiff yesterday. She was jokin on Oklahoma. I may hate it here but at least I have a reason. You can't talk about a place you've never been. And the media makes it so much worse by perpetuating the stereotypes people already have about the state.

How come all the people that make it onto reality shows from OK are from the tiniest towns that have no black people and they always live on a farm? No, I ain't got no cows! I don't live on a farm. My neighbor is just 10 feet away. So don't let the accent fool you, I live in a city. It may not be metropolitan city, but its a city.

Me and my niece Araia hung out a lil bit today. We went to Borders and she helped me pick out a book for my plane ride back to VA. She picked Love by Toni Morrison. That girl is such an advanced six month old!

This lady came up to her talkin about how cute she is. Araia looked at the lady and looked at me like 'Am I supposed to talk to her?'

Moving ON!!!

This has been a day of nothing but excitement! For the past few days I have been working at my cousin's clothing store/hair salon while she's been out of town. Don't judge, it works. We been having a sidewalk sale because the shopping center is separated by a parking lot that makes it hard to notice the salon therefore making it harder for customers to just stop by.

It's amazing what you see while just sitting on the street. I witnessed a 3 car hit and run, an ambulance passed us 5 times, one of those times was for someone seemed to have fainted at the bus stop across the street and the ambulance came to revive them, our tent fell three times due to the ferocious tornado winds of Oklahoma so we were forced to move our sidewalk sale closer to the salon.

My cousin's battery died while I was there so I had to take her car to Wal-Mart to get a new one. I felt visually assaulted by the horrific teeth of the mechanic and booth of the cashiers in th auto center. I'm telling you folks, they were the worst I've ever seen. All rotted and black....

My mama said she was gonna teach me how to play Bid Whist so that I could teach my friends. YAY!

Still ready to get back, heard from a few more jobs, my friends are ready for me to get back too.

I bought 112's new CD Pleasure and Pain. They do not disappoint. Sounds like more pain than pleasure. Just looking at some the song titles will tell you:

• Let this go
• Damn
• What If
• Last to Know
• I'm Sorry
• My Mistakes
• Why Can't We Get Along
• What the Hell Do You Want?

Yeah, it gets serious. More soulful songs than sexy songs like they usually do. I like it, but I still want my Hot and Wet. There's one song that's always in my head and I wanna hear it!

Oh wow, I have so much to say that I can't write about right now. I gotta remind myself to write about me and my sisters' daycare interview and my inspirational quotes from Tiff and friends.

Speaking of which, stuff just pops up in my head that she and others have said to me. She calls us 'sleepers' because when people see us around each other we act so goofy we seem ditzy, we even joke that we have our blonde moments, but sometimes we sneak up on ya with that knowledge and leave you stunned. Gotta love it.

"Because you're grown now consider anything anyone does for you "extra""
which goes along with Kiana's quote, "Don't rely on anyone for anything." And I try to keep what my cousin Farah has told me, "Silence does not always keep the peace, it just prolongs the war." (or something like that) and her talks with me about ambition. I love Farah,she's like the big sister I never had (a nice one) but sometimes she be goin overboard. Me and Milyaka would be visiting her and just as we're about to leave she'd be like "Make sure you lock your doors, I heard there's a rapist out and he pulling people out at stop lights." Or, "Don't y'all go to clubs, you might touch a glass and get an STD." Or somethin like that.

Man I love my family. They are soooo crazy. We sittin at my uncles' house talkin. My uncle Otis has to act out the whole story from the very beginning and imitate every single character in the story. This is the person you wanna be with on a road trip. He'll make you forget how long you was on the road.


Right now he's tellin his possum story. One time at my grandma's house in Arkansas, he was takin a nap on the couch and woke up with a possum playin in his ear. He jumped up a yelled, "WHAT THE @#$@?!" Something he would never normally do with my grandma sittin right there. And all my grandma said was, "Kill it." He sat up on the arm of the couch with his back on the wall and couldn't sleep the whole night.

Ever since she got a cane, my grandma learned to work that cane like a samurai sword! She could kill a possum with two slaps! WHAP! WHAP! Its over!

On a side note: I think being at home has made my accent come back thicker. I even sound country to myself! Ahh well thats my roots.