How to get and keep your man

I think the magazine industry is making a killing off of confused women who just want to be in a healthy relationship. They tell all these ways to find and supposedly keep a man. Some tell you men love confidence, others tell you to be domicile. However talking to a couple of my friends who have recently seen their relationships go down the drain without them ever doing anything wrong has me asking some questions. What is going on with the men in America? I can only say America because this is the only place I've lived. My experience is very limited but I live vicariously through others. And as far as I'm concerned I'd rather not date at all. I just need someone who interests me spiritually, intellectually and physically enough to not be bored after a month. I say just as if thats so simple. Apparently its not. And my experience in Oklahoma is that black men here don't really date black women. Its very rare to see a black couple. I am an equal opportunity dater but black men are my preference. I may have to move just to get married.

Anywho, back to my questions.... It seems as if we women have gotten selfish. We've gotten ourselves together financially and regained our confidence taught our children to have girl power. We've demanded our respect and raised entire families by ourselves. We've had movements and achieved great accomplishments, but have we left our men behind? They don't know what they want. The men haven't learned how to lead a household, make decisions or become husbands. What we have allowed them to do is perpetuate this fight or flight mentality. Wherein they will either stay in a situation suffering without voicing how they're feeling, leaving the situation mentally. Often there is the case where the men abandon the conflict physically by disappearing. Then there are those who cause fights in order have a reason to leave altogether.

In every circumstance there are the exceptions to the rule. I don't have a lot of experience with these but I believe they are out there and I pray my husband is one of these. So maybe the men need to have a movement of their own. I don't think it will be anything like ours but it needs to be one where they realize the value of decision making and commitment. Either their expectations have somehow gotten twisted into some type of fantasy or women have allowed them to be complacent by accepting whatever is given to us. And in the cases when we are not given what we need, we take on the Superwoman persona and tell ourselves and everyone else that we can handle everything.

This is all out of order. Everyone ends up heart broken. The men continue to wander aimlessly and women wonder whats wrong with me?

Just a thought

If I tell you as a word of caution not to join a group because they don't believe in Godly principles and you don't follow Godly principles, is my warning in vain?

Ah well...

There are some people in my life that make me feel like I can do absolutely nothing right. That's when I have to say, Devil you are a liar! And make them take it back by blowing them out of the water. This is one of those days. I feel like I'm always being watched and truth be told, I am. Cue the music: I always feel like somebody's watchin meeeeee. I'll take that challenge and see you at the top. I'm so tired of being mediocre. Barely getting by on anything. I wanna be excellent.

random

Saw a cute guy in Wal-Mart today. I was ashy from head to toe. Sometimes its sucks not caring. Y'all stay moisturized! Bout to get my eyebrows threaded...

Watch out there now!

Ya gurl's got internet now! You know what that means? When I can't sleep at 2am, I'm so gonna be right here! I know at least one person who's gonna be excited about that!

For my first deep thought of the day I would like to say, with the exception of this day being my aunt's birthday, this is a day I will never be able to forget. You know how your parents talk about knowing where they were when MLK was shot or Kennedy. I know exactly where I was on this day 8 years ago. I know how I felt and the memory is forever imprinted. And I remember thinking on that day how important it was to know the Lord.

I am so glad that I have grown and I am still learning which means I still have growing pains. The reason that day still resonates in my memory is does hurt that some people did not think that would be their last day on Earth. They had plans for tomorrow, I pray its a wake up call each and every year. Not only for me, but for their families.

*sigh*

I saw a man with a pool table for sale. If I had the money I would have gotten it. I was just thinking the other day how nicely a pool table would fit into my room. Who wants to go play?

Ohh wee

I have been missing my blog something serious. Trust me people, I've had a lot to say these last few months but without internet its hard to write in the moment. I just got back from a vacation in VA. I'm so glad I got to go because I never get to go anywhere. I'm always working. Speaking of work, which I don't speak of ever, I'm at the end of a transition which I'm really excited about. Its finally a challenge that I am willing to put more than just the minimum work into. Time for me to be an over-achiever. But the vacation was awesome! You really know you have true friends when you can see them two years later and feel like its only been a couple days (Thanks Holly). Right now this is just a reintroduction, no real topic or anything. I'll be hooking up the internet soon then it will be non-stop blogging. I thank God for a rejuvenated spirit and motivation to keep growing. 

Yeah, I know this blog is kinda blah. I've been out the habit for a while. It'll get better I promise. 

heard that

I have a love/hate relationship with soul music. Its so deeply ingrained with sadness and the voices that sing it FEEL SO MUCH. You can't help but feel it. I grew up with this music and took to it quickly with vigor. Attached to that came the depression of the music. It speaks so badly of love. Love hurts, love don't love me, love seems to hate us. No wonder I've been commitment phobic, self-destructive and evasive. If you were to listen to some of my old mix CD's you'd think I was depressed and you'd be RIGHT. Why in the world was I depressed at 11 and 12 years old? How could I ever identify with any of this music and never experienced any type of love. There was a longing it, an ache you heard. It was good at first then turned for the worst. This music shaped my perception of love. And I thought I was a romantic.


These people don't know what love is.

I'm Dreamy

So, a co-worker says to me,"Why you so SERIOUS? Sometimes you be looking like you wanna slap me." I should have said, MAN I'm FOCUSED! But instead I said, I dunno... Its not like I don't have a silly side. Not everyone gets to see that. But when I'm at work, I'm working. That's why its called work. And I like my job so I'm constantly thinking of how to make things better. Plus I got lots of other things running through my mind. Making a lotta plans right now. Thinking so much!! I need a vacation. Anybody up for a cruise?

oh memories!!

Y'all ever got whipped with a switch? I don't know why this came to my mind today. I was just wondering if this was a country thing? Black people thing? Iono. And remember you had to get your OWN switch? And if you ain't pick out a good one then you had a get another one. My grandma had a really good switch bush. You tear the switch off, wrap your hand around the branch and go from the bottom to the top. Get all the leaves off that way.

Now somebody tell me why its called a switch? Because it could switch a bad attitude to a good one? Cus it changed from a tree branch to a device of disciplinary action in mere seconds?

I guess I started thinking bout this because I been thinking about kids lately. How to raise em. It might just be time to bring back the switch. I think I'll plant a switch bush just in case......

Its's gotta be something

One more week until the end of my fast and its not getting easier. The other day I was just thinking, I wanna quit. But I feel like this is the time where breakthrough is at the door. Today at work out of nowhere I was asked a series of questions about God and Jesus. Out of nowhere. I feel like if I was preparing for this moment, then it was worth it. I pray that I answered correctly. And I told them if only I just give you what I feel. Is there a way? People are sooo on guard about God and mention Jesus...oh its all over.

Basically we had a nearly intense conversation about witnessing and telling people about the Lord. How do you know truth is truth? How do you convince someone else about the truth? I believe God does give us opportunities to witness, but everyday should be a silent witness.

Everyday I'm learning. God is an awesome Teacher.

Who's getting old?

I went to my high school homecoming game. I had so much fun! My high school was like being at an HBCU. And no one who didn't go there understands. We had so much school pride. Plus I was a flag girl in the band, so during the third quarter the alumni got to perform with them. I'm more in shape than I thought. My kicks were higher than some of those high school girls! That was my workout for the week. This is one for the books.

Turn it around

So keeping this up is gonna be another challenge. My mind goes blank after work. Without television I gotta find something else to do. This would be a great time to finish all the things I procrastinated to do. Perhaps drawing, cleaning, or making some more lists(I love lists).

I am going to church tonight, they cut it down to an hour service. There are pros and cons to having one hour service. Pros: Its just one hour. Get in, get out, go home. Con: Its just one hour. Its hard for me to convince myself to drive to the other side of town for just an hour. Then if I happen to get out even a lil bit late, forget it. And right now, I'm tired. But I am gonna go.


My sister has been getting interested in God lately and I am happy about that. Sometimes I wonder what her motives are and really that's probably not for me to know. I'll just continue to pray for her and I hope she finds more than she was looking for.

OH buddy!

Look at ME go! Two days in a row posting! I'm trying to get back in the habit of writing some interesting stuff. I feel like I've lost my groove a lil bit. Then again, I don't really do anything or go anywhere. And really, I don't care to because if I did I probably still wouldn't have time to write. Mostly the reasons for my absence are because I moved down the street and I don't have a computer there.

Right now I'm fasting from television (don't ask if I've seen anything), meat (except fish), cheese (you know how I loves it) and chocolate. Needless to say, it has been a real challenge. But God has been showing me a lot. I can't wait to see what He reveals next. I'll most likely be writing about that.

But I will say this: I'm so tired of hearing that I'm old. I'm still in my TWENTIES! In my opinion, that ain't old. And I will never accept that. I look at like this. I feel like I'm still growing and learning at an amazing rate. So as long as I'm growing I won't be calling myself old.

So when I started my fast, I made the mistake of thinking all spiritually. Like I'm gonna be so much more loving! Clearly some of the first things I saw about myself were things that were so ungodly! I told my girl from church about it and she said," Well at least they're coming out."

I have this huge mirror in my living room. I started to write all those things on the mirror. One thing led to another and now my mirror is nearly full. I get the pleasure of looking at them everyday. So then I took the Word and applied scripture to everything. That in itself is a lesson. I was looking for something in my Bible and ran across this note. "The closer you get to God the more you realize your own sinfulness and unworthiness." The thing I love about God is that He rebuilds you. I'm so looking forward to what's gonna come out of this.

Watch ME

I know I haven't been too loyal to my blog. I kinda forgot about it for a while. But I'll try to do better.

What's been going on in my life? So much I may not have time to explain. But I do have a thought for now.

Being saved is like being a celebrity. Think about it. Everyone thinks they know you and they don't. Paparazzi always looking for dirt on you. If they don't find any, they make it up or go way back in the past to dig up some. Don't let you have one bad day... Oh no. Then the impression is made.

Now for the differences: Instead of rehab, we repent. We get the greatest rewards: peace, joy and righteousness. I love being saved! There's nothing like it. I've tried some things and observed others. This is where its at.

OK

I think I'm getting the hang of this.

goals, goals, goals

So in my discipleship group we've been focusing on answering God's call on our lives. Not that everyone just instantly knows what they've been called to do. Or even believe their calling. At this point we are exploring gifts, goals and interests then submitting them to God. Sounds like an air tight plan. Not as easy to execute. Fighting doubt, low self esteem and laziness every day can cause you to stay stuck. I've seen it . Its easy to be mediocre. I don't want to be that. Because its also disappointing.

Then we also expressed a fear that was common to most of us. The fear of being great. Actually accomplishing what you set out to do. I've been getting back into reading Dr. Myles Monroe's book Understanding Your Potential. He said, Failure is not in the lack of successes but rather failure is the lack of trying.

I'm not the most outgoing person. I'm not really good at networking. And I don't know that many people, but I know someone who knows everyone. I think I need to spend a little more time with Him.

I can't wait for the next Encounter.

Let's start a new trend

How bout we help each other out and stop settling for mediocrity? We seem to be afraid to reach our dreams. Make a difference in the world. Who has been telling us what we can't do. I for one am all about making others step up to their potential. I plan to lead by example.

As a person who had no ambition as a teen. I simply existed and dreamed, but never acted. I refuse to step down anymore. Anyone stepping into my life has to come up. I'm not coming down. I want more for myself than I've ever wanted. I'm taking steps to do those things.

Don't tell anybody

I'm a closet sports fan. I'll watch just about any sport on television. My favorite: basketball. I love it from an artistic point of view. I honestly think its the most graceful contact sport there is. Now I don't know anyone's stats. I won't be debating with anyone, so don't try and challenge me on my knowledge.

I do know who I like and right now, I'm all about the Celtics. Wherever Ray Allen is, I'm there. Plus you can't beat a team with Ray, Kevin Garnett, AND Paul Pierce. Oh yes, its about to go down, That game last night was freakin fabulous. I may not be able to watch them all. I get a lil outta control.

Anyway, GO CELTICS!!

Putting it all together

This a real grow up time for me. I got many issues and they seem to coming to the surface all right about now. I stay positive most of the time, oh but its gettin rough. I'll just put one of those issues out there. Trusting God. Pretty big, huh? And it seems so basic, right? But when I begin not to trust Him, I try to put things together on my own. A lil bit of a control freak am I.

I could get a job anywhere. I don't want just any job. I want the job that is going to propel me into my purpose. At this point I feel like I over stayed my time at my current job. I'm beginning to hate it. Don't wanna wake up and go there. Everyone is starting to irk me. Not a good look. Anyone who has ever looked for a job knows its a process. I've gotten calls from places where I just don't want to work. Sure its a job, but at what risk. I've been going to work and I feel like its a waste of time.

There's so much stuff I'm capable of doing. I'm looking for those open doors.

How frustrating it must be for God. Its like having to prove that your trustworthy every week to someone you love. You might just yell,"When are you finally gonna trust me?"

Just like everybody else I get discouraged sometimes as well. I really am thankful there's a Word for me when I get to church. I was starting to get overwhelmed. I'm much better now.