These are some things I want implement into my life this year:

1. Learn to become an obsessive saver. My savings needs to become fat by the end of the year.
2. Become an obsessive blogger. I think I'm doing pretty well by blogging two days in a row.
3. Become an obsessive neat freak. Its just never been a habit. I don't I'm a slob, just tired and a lil disorganized.
4. Become more concerned about spending time with others. I usually just hang with who comes to me. Now my fam wants to talk about me. But you know what? Thats a two-way street people. Two- way!
5. Become obsessed with paying my bills. Good for my credit.

Gotta talk about this one

So I'd been hearing all this buzz about the new Boondocks episode. First if you don't watch the Boondocks you gotta know that its satire. Meaning that it exposes truths using sarcasm, irony, humor and pretty much making it so offensive it cannot be ignored. Now the Boondocks was taken off the air for a while because of some of its subject matter. I believe it was the episode that portrayed BET as a weapon to destroy all Black people. I've wondered that myself sometimes. With shows like Tiny and Toya, its not giving us a lot to aspire to. Maybe you too can get knocked up by a rapper and get your own TV show. Then you will be successful......

Anyway, this particular episode the Target happens to be a Tyler Perryesque character. He pretty much uses Jesus to create this genre of theater and film in order to get men to sleep with him. Now I don't know about the gay part with Tyler Perry. I've had my suspicions like everyone else, but I have been saying for years that Tyler is just pimpin Christians and churches for ticket sales when neither his films nor movies have been godly for years or ever really. They merely give the image of going in the direction of Christ but don't see it through to the end.

I tried to give him a chance guys. My last attempt was Why Did I get Married Too? I can't tell you how furious I was walking out of the theater. I felt completely cheated. It was as if Perry threw something together because the sequel was highly anticipated and he knew the ticket sales would come flooding in. It was extremely wack, full of unnecessary drama and left with no real ending, but whatever. And I would probably wouldn't have been so hard on Tyler if he was just presenting himself as a black film maker, but he said he was representing for Christians. I have to hold him at a different standard.

I realized while watching this episode of the Boondocks that 1) People need to recognize a fake. Even outside the church they can see Perry is not genuine. 2) There is no real reverence for the church or Christ. He's a punchline, a means to an end. It truly saddens me.

I still believe that people will miss a lot of what this episode had to say. Not only was it presenting that Tyler Perry is gay, but people will still do anything to be rich and famous. To fulfill their own selfish desires they will use God or create their own religion. One of the characters even said and I'm paraphrasing, I'm tired of where I am. I wanna be famous and if that means I have to degrade myself, I'll do it. What will it take for people to see the light?

Surrounded by love

I've just been so overwhelmed by my friends in the past couple weeks. I wasn' t even tripping about Valentine's day but then I got a package in the mail from Tiff. A big box of assorted V-day candy, a card and a cd. It was awesome. Then yesterday Cole got me my very own Ipod touch! That's been on my wishlist for a very long time. Today I felt terrible and I jus felt the concern from all my girls. Now its not all about the gifts although I love to get em. They don't have to get me anything. And even though I am not in a relationship right now I don't feel cheated because of all of them. Oh it's emotional people.....

What I would do for a sewing machine

I have for years wanted a skirt or something that looks like this.... Thats just a great outfit. She makes me want to step up my game. Of course I have promised that I wouldn't shop, BUT I have the pattern for this exact skirt. Along with a button up shirt that I could make over and over and never run out of white shirts! But alas I don' t have a sewing machine. Anyone willing to donate, my arms are open for a Singer.

Making the Crooked ways straight

So my newest adventure is dealing with some foreign things in my mouth. I got braces. Something I've been wanting since I was 10. And boy was I re-thinking this decision yesterday and it was only day 2. I got the invisalign braces which means you can't tell by looking, but there is definitely a change in my speech. The hardest part was first dealing with the pain of having them squeeze my teeth, then taking them out to eat and they hurt worse after putting them back in.

It has put an end to my snacking. I gotta plan meals out now. I hope this doesn't cause me to lose more weight. I can't afford it! But I thought I was more pain tolerant than this. Am I being a punk? I'll just suck it up for this life long dream of having a perfect smile.

When I was younger I wouldn't show teeth at all in some of my pics leading to some of the worst pics you've ever seen. Then in high school I figured out that it didn't work so I just began smiling, gaps and all. I'd become comfortable with it after a while, but when the opportunity arose to change my situation I took it.

So here I am today, trying not to get addicted to pain killers, planning my next meal and sucking up the pain.

On this day

Got off of work this morning at 4am. That was the plan, but I just wanted to get out early. Really happy about the way the floorset went. That's what we were doing there last night. We got everything done, everyone stuck to their assignments. The thing about being the point person is that you are expected to do dual roles. You have to finish your work and tell everyone what to do, all while being prepared to be interrupted millions of times. All in all it was a success because we finished everything in the allotted time. I don't think I've ever seen that in all my days of retail.

So today, after sleeping until 1 pm I still haven't done anything thing I planned to do besides writing this blog and cooking myself a humongous breakfast in the afternoon. So I think now I shall go put some clothes in the wash, tidy up a bit and go to my moms.

There are some things on my mind that I would like to share, but I'm gonna hold off on that for now. And with this post I have succeeded my blogging from last year! So here's to many more. I'll tell you one thing though. Be careful what you say!

What is your gift?

I was having a conversation with my friend the other day about what we want to do with the rest of our lives. We were talking about the career goals we have. I said, “I can do a lot it’s just whether I want to use my gifts or not.” I received my degree in marketing and I am still very intrigued with business. And she said, “I thought you wanted to design.” I just don’t know if I want to have to create something on schedule. I do draw. I’ve even considered going to design school. I also sing, but I don’t wanna be a singer. She asked this thought provoking question: Do gifts have to be used where they are seen? So I decided to ponder this question for myself because I don’t know any of y’all.

Well my personal view on gifts is that they should be used to glorify the Lord and not ourselves. That’s one of the reasons I’ve never wanted to be famous. I know many people who can sing and then are asked, ‘Why aren’t you on the praise team or choir?’ myself included. Don’t get me wrong, I love to sing and I love music. But does everyone need to hear me? I have a friend who is wonderfully anointed at leading praise and worship, but I think that may be all people would see when they look at her. I think people get tired of being exploited for their gifts. But that’s not my case.

I’ve never really taken the time to develop the natural gifts I have. I just simply do…or don’t. Now the Bible says to use your gifts to help others. I know this because I just looked it up. 1 Peter 4:10. Sidebar: I wonder if celebrities think they are helping others…then again that may not be their motivation.

Back to me: Perhaps I simply want to sing for my own enjoyment or just as worship. Or dance in my living room. How worse off would the world be if we had never heard or seen Michael Jackson? I guess we would never know. It’s almost like that ‘if a tree falls and no one is around to hear it’ riddle. You still have a gift, whether people know it or not. I think what is important is that the right people get to see it. Those who you are supposed to help achieve their next level should experience your gifting. At the end of the day we are all people who want to be special and unique. Just because your gift isn’t on a stage doesn’t mean it’s not special.

Ready for the Weekend

I'm really not though. Because the weekends are not weekends for me. I'm never off and it will be a while until I do have a real weekend off. Two of our lower managers have put in their notice. Which equates to more work for me. I'm off tomorrow but I just know I will be receiving a phone call. Those are the breaks.

And now I'm looking forward to a real grown up move. Buying a house! And for some reason I never really planned for this, but its happening. Just like graduating from college. Its kind of just the natural progression. I am looking forward to decorating a whole house. Even though I've never been the decorator type. Thats more my mom and sister. I have a fashion, but interior decorating is a whole other genre.

this new sleep schedule

Sometime somewhere I got used to staying up late and now I can't go to sleep before 1am. Yet I can't do anything productive while I'm up because I just know I should be asleep.

Back to the grind....

My vacation is officially over. Back to working every weekend, dealing with some range of craziness and resisting the daily temptation of shopping at my store. I just realized that I'm probably one of those people I get mad at for not answering the phone or returning phone calls. There a few that I have yet to return today. Whoops.... But this is why. I don't like talking on the phone when I'm in the car with people or at someone's house. I also don't like calling people I want to talk to when I know I'm not going to have enough time to actually talk to them. And there is the occasional case of forgetfulness.... ah well.

Back to work now. I found out today that I have a new assignment starting as soon as I get back. I really have to tighten up my organizational skills. Perhaps that will be my reason to blog. I think I mascaraed as a person who is organized but I'm not really. I want to be organized to the point where people can pick up where I left off and not be lost. Where I know how to time things out and do them efficiently. Where does that begin? Its all in preparation. So I think I'm good for starting out even thinking about this. Now I gotta put this into practice.

Randomly, this night owl thing is starting to get old for me. I like to be up early. I know I'll get more things done if I start early, but I never do get up. Sleep almost always takes priority. And I really don't like to be rushed getting dressed even though I don't take very long. Then I wait too long to leave the house because I like my house and I just don't want to leave.

Well that was therapeutic! The first step to recovery is admitting to the world you have a problem. And if you can't tell, I do have a problem. Think healing thoughts and pray for my recovery.

Goodbye's

Its funny how you don't realize how much you mean to peoples daily routine until you leave. I don't know how many times I've been told, 'Don't leave' in the past week.

I feel extremely loved...

Black Women Unmarried?

I recently saw a Nightline interview with four successful black women between the ages of 26-31. The subject of the investigation was how these women may never marry for a number of reasons in America. Perhaps we should all move to Africa where there’s no shortage of Black men. Apparently all our men in America are either in jail, uneducated or unemployed. After you get rid of those undesirables there are only 54% of black males left to choose from and they just so happened to leave out homosexuals. So now we’re like at maybe 35% or less.

You know what? I apologize for my sarcasm because I was very conflicted while watching this segment. At first I was kind of in shock. I could see every one of my friends in the video. Then I was angry: what are they trying to prove? What is the purpose and what is the solution? As Steve Harvey pops into the picture as the latest genius of relationships, he says they should date older men.

I think we all have something in common, that we are not willing to settle for the sake of having the title MRS. In fact I know women who DO settle and still aren’t married. Tell me what to do different. I’m not sure I would do it but it would have given more credibility to making this segment seem like it was meant to inform rather than discourage. It made black women seem as if we are at the bottom of the totem pole so to speak. Like men have their choice of women and a black woman would be their LAST choice. Also they pointed out that perhaps our problem is that we actually want to marry black men.

But Nightline if no one wants us, what do we do? Do we lose all hope for marital bliss? And not to mention that getting married is NOT the same as staying married. Well I'm a Believer and I know the devil is a liar. So I think if the devil would want us to be depressed and discouraged this would be just the angle to use. WhatI choose to do is trust in the Lord and make sure I am prepared when the time does come as it WILL. Just mark my words, I'm so confident in the what I speak I leave no room for doubt.

New Beginnings

Well to start this post off I have to give a little background information, so that you're able to follow whenever I talk on the subject. At my church we follow what is called the vision of 12. It just does exactly what Jesus did and is based on the Great Commission "go into all the world and make disciples". So in following that commission every is expected to have a cell group we call our 12. I am in a 12 and I have a 12.

Well I have one and it took me 3 yrs to get that one. Last night I realized just how much of a responsibility it was to have that one. I mean I think I realized it years ago which is why it took me so long to even open myself up to having person in my group. And I have heard people call their groups their spiritual sons or daughters, but I didn't think.......Wow, it just hit me last night that I feel like a mother. Never did I realize that I would be raising a 20 yr old, but she is also a baby in Christ. To take her through the steps of spiritual growth is so eye-opening. I am constantly thinking back to where I was at her age. Six years doesn't seem like a huge gap, but we are like eons apart. I've been told I'm even mature for my age so that like doubles the age difference.

She is totally a blessing to me. Thank God that she actually listens and values my opinion. Not only that she is concerned and cares for me. Although it has taken us a while to get to a place of complete trust and openness which is to be expected I am so honored that God has trusted me with such a precious gift. Now I understand how a parent feels. I'm proud when she does well, I discipline when needed, I love at all times. Wow...Its amazing.

How to get and keep your man

I think the magazine industry is making a killing off of confused women who just want to be in a healthy relationship. They tell all these ways to find and supposedly keep a man. Some tell you men love confidence, others tell you to be domicile. However talking to a couple of my friends who have recently seen their relationships go down the drain without them ever doing anything wrong has me asking some questions. What is going on with the men in America? I can only say America because this is the only place I've lived. My experience is very limited but I live vicariously through others. And as far as I'm concerned I'd rather not date at all. I just need someone who interests me spiritually, intellectually and physically enough to not be bored after a month. I say just as if thats so simple. Apparently its not. And my experience in Oklahoma is that black men here don't really date black women. Its very rare to see a black couple. I am an equal opportunity dater but black men are my preference. I may have to move just to get married.

Anywho, back to my questions.... It seems as if we women have gotten selfish. We've gotten ourselves together financially and regained our confidence taught our children to have girl power. We've demanded our respect and raised entire families by ourselves. We've had movements and achieved great accomplishments, but have we left our men behind? They don't know what they want. The men haven't learned how to lead a household, make decisions or become husbands. What we have allowed them to do is perpetuate this fight or flight mentality. Wherein they will either stay in a situation suffering without voicing how they're feeling, leaving the situation mentally. Often there is the case where the men abandon the conflict physically by disappearing. Then there are those who cause fights in order have a reason to leave altogether.

In every circumstance there are the exceptions to the rule. I don't have a lot of experience with these but I believe they are out there and I pray my husband is one of these. So maybe the men need to have a movement of their own. I don't think it will be anything like ours but it needs to be one where they realize the value of decision making and commitment. Either their expectations have somehow gotten twisted into some type of fantasy or women have allowed them to be complacent by accepting whatever is given to us. And in the cases when we are not given what we need, we take on the Superwoman persona and tell ourselves and everyone else that we can handle everything.

This is all out of order. Everyone ends up heart broken. The men continue to wander aimlessly and women wonder whats wrong with me?

Just a thought

If I tell you as a word of caution not to join a group because they don't believe in Godly principles and you don't follow Godly principles, is my warning in vain?

Ah well...

There are some people in my life that make me feel like I can do absolutely nothing right. That's when I have to say, Devil you are a liar! And make them take it back by blowing them out of the water. This is one of those days. I feel like I'm always being watched and truth be told, I am. Cue the music: I always feel like somebody's watchin meeeeee. I'll take that challenge and see you at the top. I'm so tired of being mediocre. Barely getting by on anything. I wanna be excellent.

random

Saw a cute guy in Wal-Mart today. I was ashy from head to toe. Sometimes its sucks not caring. Y'all stay moisturized! Bout to get my eyebrows threaded...

Watch out there now!

Ya gurl's got internet now! You know what that means? When I can't sleep at 2am, I'm so gonna be right here! I know at least one person who's gonna be excited about that!

For my first deep thought of the day I would like to say, with the exception of this day being my aunt's birthday, this is a day I will never be able to forget. You know how your parents talk about knowing where they were when MLK was shot or Kennedy. I know exactly where I was on this day 8 years ago. I know how I felt and the memory is forever imprinted. And I remember thinking on that day how important it was to know the Lord.

I am so glad that I have grown and I am still learning which means I still have growing pains. The reason that day still resonates in my memory is does hurt that some people did not think that would be their last day on Earth. They had plans for tomorrow, I pray its a wake up call each and every year. Not only for me, but for their families.

*sigh*

I saw a man with a pool table for sale. If I had the money I would have gotten it. I was just thinking the other day how nicely a pool table would fit into my room. Who wants to go play?

Ohh wee

I have been missing my blog something serious. Trust me people, I've had a lot to say these last few months but without internet its hard to write in the moment. I just got back from a vacation in VA. I'm so glad I got to go because I never get to go anywhere. I'm always working. Speaking of work, which I don't speak of ever, I'm at the end of a transition which I'm really excited about. Its finally a challenge that I am willing to put more than just the minimum work into. Time for me to be an over-achiever. But the vacation was awesome! You really know you have true friends when you can see them two years later and feel like its only been a couple days (Thanks Holly). Right now this is just a reintroduction, no real topic or anything. I'll be hooking up the internet soon then it will be non-stop blogging. I thank God for a rejuvenated spirit and motivation to keep growing. 

Yeah, I know this blog is kinda blah. I've been out the habit for a while. It'll get better I promise.